st Page 949 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Every Austin FC Chant Is Lame As Hell Except For The One That's A Tom Petty Song
MLS had a big ceremony today to announce that the league’s 27th club, Austin FC, will start playing in 2021. The franchise is an expansion team, not a relocated Columbus Crew (thank god), and although their debut MLS game is more than two years away, the branding process has already begun. There’s a...

Deadspin Up All Night: Make Evil Afraid Of Evil's Shadow
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. The world really is a beautiful place, sometimes....

Can Somebody Besides The White Sox Please Give Manny Machado An Offer?
MLB’s slow trudge towards the signing of top free agents Manny Machado and Bryce Harper may at last possibly be nearing a conclusion. It also may not be! But at the very least the speculation concerning those two stars’ final destinations seems to have narrowed dramatically. Unless any of the ubiqui...

Interim MSU President John Engler Says Larry Nassar's Victims Are Having A Blast In The "Spotlight"
John Engler, Michigan State’s interim president who last year falsely claimed that a Larry Nassar victim got “kickbacks” from lawyers for encouraging other women to speak up about Nassar’s abuse, has now said that the women who Nassar assaulted are “enjoying” the spotlight. ...

Seriously, This Loser Gave Clemson French Fries In Little Presidential Cups
I was ready to move on from Donald Trump’s fast-food dinner for the title-winning Clemson Tigers’ White House visit yesterday, but these shots from AP photographer Susan Walsh are too good to pass by without comment. He had the fries put in cups with the presidential seal on them. Presidential fries...

Serena Williams Returns With A Humane Butchering At The Australian Open
Serena Williams played her first tour match since a messy U.S. Open championship loss to Naomi Osaka last September, and had very different results. Today in the first round at the Australian Open, she slaughtered world No. 73 Tatjana Maria 6-0, 6-2....

James Harden Has Reached His Final Form
James Harden is no longer a basketball player. He is a thought experiment turned to life, an answer to the question of what happens when one team gives itself over completely to a hyper-efficient death machine....

The Celtics Aren't Right
The Celtics beat the Pacers 135-108 on Jan. 9. That capped a four-game win streak that was held up as evidence that the Celtics, thanks to a much-needed team meeting after a loss to the Bucks on Dec. 21, had finally rounded into form. Here is what has happened to the Celtics since: a 16-point loss t...

Robin Lopez Is Trapped In Basketball Hell
Robin Lopez is having a bad time. The Bulls are awful, and are presently mired in a seven-game losing streak, with two games left on their current Western Conference road trip. To add insult to injury, this week head coach Jim Boylen told Lopez he’d be seeing fewer minutes of court time as the team ...

This Dude Really Served Clemson Boxed-Up Fast Food On A Bunch Of Fancy Trays
Earlier today, President Donald Trump boasted about getting a bunch of fast food for the college football national champions, who were visiting the White House tonight, and he really did it! Take a gander at those carefully arranged sauce packets in a dish on top of a tray, for no reason....

Deadspin Up All Night: Stuck A Fork Through His Nuts
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Keep on keeping on....

Michigan Hires And Fires Former USA Gymnastics Executive All In One Weekend
If you watched the University of Michigan women’s gymnastics team compete this weekend, you might have seen Rhonda Faehn out there on the floor with them. Faehn was the former senior vice president of the women’s program at USA Gymnastics, a role she held with the organization from 2015 until she wa...

It's Beginning To Feel Like Manchester United Are Back
There’s not a chance in hell Manchester United win the Premier League this season. The odds of them accomplishing what should be the bare minimum for the richest club in the world—finishing in the Champions League places—are better, but hardly great. Barring multiple calamities on the part of a coup...

Who Knew It Would Take Jay Paterno To Convince Me That The Saudi Monarchy Is Good And Cool
“Caravans of progress take time to cross a desert of resistance,” wrote Jay Paterno in an op-ed for Arab News yesterday. The self-professed “consultant on politics, leadership, crisis communications and public relations” has a lot to teach us, it turns out. Folks, I’ve harbored a personal “desert of...
![President Trump: I’m Going To Serve Fast Food Burgers And Pizza To The Clemson Football Team [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/zei4dddlhnao8er2hp9f.jpg)
President Trump: I’m Going To Serve Fast Food Burgers And Pizza To The Clemson Football Team [Update]
The Clemson Tigers, 15-0 and national champions, will make the traditional national championship team visit to the White House tonight. That this visit is happening during a government shutdown has rankled some, especially since not every team is even invited anymore. (Villanova didn’t get one. The ...

Andy Murray Might Be Done In Australia After Grinding Five-Set Loss
Andy Murray will not quit the majors without another characteristically nasty fight. His last French Open: five brutal sets before Stan Wawrinka put him to rest. His last Wimbledon: five more sets of agony with his hip all out of sorts. Today at the Australian Open—which, given his retirement announ...

Baseball Doesn't Need Collusion To Turn Off The Hot Stove
The baseball panic is rising. With every additional day that Bryce Harper and Manny Machado go unsigned—and Dallas Keuchel and Mike Moustakas and A.J. Pollock and Craig Kimbrel—the drumbeat strengthens: Something is wrong here. After all, as has been pointed out here, every team could use a Manny Ma...

Q&A: Author Rowan Ricardo Phillips On The Future Of Men's Tennis And Why Race Is Still The Game's Third Rail
In the bleak winter days of mid-January 2017, Rowan Ricardo Phillips rose before dawn. The Australian Open was underway, and he was hellbent on watching every televised ATP men’s match over the course of the year. Phillips’s obsession with the game turned into total spectator immersion, starting Dow...

We're Approaching The Endgame Of The Machado/Harper Negotiations
Depending on how much you’re willing to believe the reported rumors, there appear to now be clear frontrunners in what seems to be at best to be three-team races for top free agents Bryce Harper and Manny Machado....

Bobby Portis Accuses Kevin Durant Of Injuring Him On Purpose
In the third quarter of Friday’s game between the Bulls and the Warriors, Bobby Portis attempted to set a screen on Kevin Durant so that Kris Dunn could get to the basket. Durant tried to get past Portis using a swim move—not unlike what a defensive lineman uses to get to a QB—and ended up pulling P...