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![ESPN Personality Rob Parker Pissed Off Every Intelligent Baseball Fan On The Internet Today [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/180cczvkj8iyqpng.png)
ESPN Personality Rob Parker Pissed Off Every Intelligent Baseball Fan On The Internet Today [UPDATE]
Do you know who Rob Parker is? You probably don't because there's really nothing special about Rob Parker. He currently exists as a member of ESPN's stable of chuckleheads who are periodically rotated into duty on First Take, where their main job is to sit there and let Skip Bayless do his thing....

They're Getting Worse, Not Better: Here Are The 28 Worst Replacement Official Mistakes From Week 2
After a lousy first week in the NFL, replacement officials again came under fire this weekend following trip-ups, missed calls, and general ineptitude. While Roger Goodell testifies to the NFL's increased emphasis on player safety, his continued lockout of union officials reveals the league really...

Buffalo NBC Station Uses Photos Of Singer Seal To Report On Actor Michael Clarke Duncan's Death
Actor Michael Clarke Duncan died Monday from complications of a heart attack, and his death was reported in the A block of most East Coast 11pm newscasts....

The Undertaker Goes Shopping For A Baseball Bat: More Wrestler Run-Ins
Inspired by the saga of "Wrestling Superstar Virgil," we continue with readers' encounters with the titans of the squared circle. If you've had your own run-in with pro wrestlers past or present, e-mail us, subject line "Virgilbag."...

Everybody Lost Two Different Horses Won The Travers Stakes
There was an actual tie yesterday at the Travers Stakes. Golden Ticket and Alpha finished in a dead heat, so nobody won. Or they both won? One of the jockeys said after the race, "Neither one of us knew if we won," and, while technically they both "won"—there were two separate first-place trophy pre...

Our Race Horses Are Broken, America
Our horses are sick. Our thoroughbreds are thoroughly inbred. They are locomotives sitting atop toothpicks. They are fragile and friable, designed to run but not to recover from running. And each time they break down or wear out, we chalk it up to an individual horse's shortcomings, rather than the ...

Deadspin Classic: The Lonesome Independence Day Of Kobayashi, Eater In Exile
Originally published July 3, 2011....

Former ESPNer Dana Jacobson: "I Was Molested As A Child"
Now that Jerry Sandusky has been convicted, count former ESPN personality Dana Jacobson among those empowered to speak out about a personal experience with child sex abuse. Jacobson, who hasn't returned to TV since leaving ESPN at the end of April, relates a story on her personal blog this morning a...

Mark Cuban Appears On <em>First Take</em>, Spends Entire Appearance Trashing Its Hosts
It's no secret we're loath to feature the programming on ESPN's First Take, mostly because we value our remaining brain cells enough to not risk obliterating them by watching the ratings-deprived shout-fest. Ever since First Take turned into the Golden Corral of inane sportschat—complete with a ch...

Secretariat Just Set The Preakness Stakes Record
This is Secretariat's 1973 Preakness Stakes, somehow the least dominant of his Triple Crown races. He finished, officially, in 1:54 2/5, despite the fact that not a single timer had him clocked at that time. Now, 39 years later, the long-dead massive-hearted horse shaved more than a second off his...

Why ESPN Should Worry About <em>First Take</em>'s Ratings Slide
This has been the working theory: ESPN2's First Take is bad for the soul but awfully good for business. In late September, ESPN made the show the personal property of the professionally disagreeable Skip Bayless, turning the format into wall-to-wall staged argument. The conceit looked like a hit an...

Here Is A Seething Bob Costas Trying To Conduct A Post-Race Interview At The Belmont Stakes
Who won the Belmont Stakes? Who knows, it's not important. We're not degenerate gamblers, are we? This is fun, though. As Bob Neumeier attempted to kick it over to Bob Costas who was with Steve Duncker, chairman of NYRA, there was some confusion on Costas's end....

I'll Have Another Scratched From Belmont Stakes
There will be no Triple Crown this year, either. Doug O'Neill, the trainer for I'll Have Another, just went on The Dan Patrick Show and declared the horse is "officially out" of tomorrow's Belmont Stakes because of a "little problem with his left front leg." O'Neill also thinks I'll Have Another wi...

Stephen A. Smith Is Your New Argument Against Human Cloning
Never mind there being 10 or 100. Can you even imagine if there were two Stephen A. Smiths? My God, there'd probably be an entire ESPN network devoted to chattering Stephen A. heads all day long. The horror ... the horror ......

Doug O'Neill, Trainer Of I'll Have Another, Will Be Suspended For Non-I'll Have Another Infraction
The California Racing Board has upheld a punishment of Doug O'Neill, trainer for Triple Crown hopeful I'll Have Another, in connection with an incident in a race nearly two years ago. In that case, Argenta, a horse trained by O'Neill, showed an overly high level of carbon dioxide in its blood. That'...

I'll Have Another's Trainer Talks Strategy With His Horse, But Quietly, So Other Horses Don't Overhear
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Doug O'Neill and I'll Have Another have some secrets heading to Belmont....

I'll Have Another Wins Preakness, Forcing All Of Us To Watch The Belmont Stakes In Three Weeks
I'll Have Another nosed out a Preakness Stakes victory over Bodemeister with a late surge, ruining plans of a million Americans who'd scheduled something other than watching horse racing on June 9th. ...

Kegasus, The Beer-Loving Mascot Of The Beer-Loving Preakness, Is Actually A Sober Phony
What's the saying? If you'll keg stand for something, you'll fall for anything? Promoters of the Preakness Stakes must believe it. Turns out that Kegasus, spokesbeast for the Preakness and the best mascot in all of sports, is a sham....

Sun Shines On The Dog's Ass That Is Stephen A. Smith, As Technical Glitch Renders Him Unable To Hear Skip Bayless
Readers send us tips about ESPN2 offal vomitorium First Take regularly, but we're loath to provide the program any more attention than it already has (and, valuing our sanity, avoid watching it ourselves). So we thank Sports Illustrated's Richard Deitsch for the head's up on this brief technical g...

Iowa Girl Takes Life-Sized Cardboard Cutout Of Tim Tebow To Prom
Rachel Bird of Kingsley, Iowa, didn't have a date for her prom on Saturday. She really wanted to go with Tim Tebow. She tried asking him to go via Twitter. She tried contacting his agent. She also tried the Jets. Nothing....