the Page 1012 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hugh Douglas Wants To Kill Me
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel, and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th ) awf...

About Last Night
What you missed while blessing the Phillies' balls ... • MLB: Santana, Mets begin quest for world domination by annexing Florida Marlins, 7-2. • College women's basketball: No soup for North Carolina; LSU reaches Final Four. • College men's basketball: Stanford to lose more than 14 feet of Lopez bro...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after a night of moderate drinking ... • MLB: Los Angeles Angels at Minnesota (7 p.m., ET); Houston at San Diego (10 p.m., ET). Meet me at Nicky Rottens afterwards for a burger and a martini. [ESPN2] • NHL: Pittsburgh at New York Rangers (7 p.m., ET). All behold my Petr Prucha screensa...

Soccer? Gay? Whaaaaat?
Leave it up to a foreigner to figure out why Americans are so down on soccer. This snippet culled from an editorial on football.uk.com written by Marty Mercado maps out all the reasons the U.S. ignores the sport: overcommercialization, not enough scoring, too multicultural, and, of course, because i...

Mayweather Practically Unbeatable When Armed With Metal Furniture
Remember the good old days, when boxers waited until they were old and washed up before turning up on the professional wrestling circuit? Of course then you don't make $20 million just for showing up, as Floyd Mayweather did on Sunday at WrestleMania XXIV in a completely legitimate not-at-all script...

David Beckham Is Allegedly Back In The MLS
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer....

Let's Ride The Bus Together
Greetings. Today is the first day as an official full-time member under the employ of one William F. Leitch and Gawker Media. What this role will actually entail has yet to be determined. We're hoping to have something hammered out over the next couple weeks so we don't confuse you, have duplicate p...

About Last Night...
What you missed while decrying the gov'mint's invasive sandcastle fines......

Earth Hour? How's About Earth 20 Minutes? Preferably During Halftime
As Awful Announcing points out, at 8 p.m. this evening the fine leafy folks at the World Wildlife Fund are asking everyone to turn off nonessential lights (does a strobe light count?) to call attention to climate change. Of course, they couldn't've asked us to do that in, say, mid-February when the...

At Last, A Scenario In Which The Wealthy Win
Don't pity early departing No. 2 seeds Georgetown or Duke, not that you would. Remember, their students come from money and are getting more of it, as evidenced by their Final Four placement in the Payscale bracket based on the median income of graduating students. Stanford claims the top spot, bein...

Um, Someone Tell The Italian Sausage That He's Doing It Wrong
Hey, they told me that there would be no food allowed on the ski lift. Thank you Home Run Derby, for making us laugh at costumed baseball mascots attempting winter sports once again....

Let The 'Texas Hold 'Em' Trial Begin!
Looking for something to watch when the NCAA Tournament is over? Hope your cable company offers Court TV, because the trial of the decade is about to begin; the case of the Oklahoma Sooners fan who ripped the scrotum of a Texas Longhorns fan in a bar fight. Nancy Grace is working herself into a lath...

Dolan And Isiah Are BFF, Got It?
So to get you up to speed, Chikezie is out on American Idol, but Isiah Thomas has avoided elimination with the Knicks. Of course it doesn't seem fair, but that's the world we live in. According to the New York Daily News, owner James Dolan and Thomas are inseparable pals, like Crockett and Tubbs on ...

About Last Night ...
What you missed while counting the spiritual wonders of the Jesus Cheeto ... • College basketball: OK, who had Louisville in the pool? Anyone? • NBA: Nene But The Brave ... Nuggets 118, Mavericks 105. • LSU quarterback Ryan Perrilloux off of double-secret probation, ready to spring forward (or is it...

Gee, Your New Rule Smells Terrific
There's now a proposal — by, surprisingly, the Kansas City Chiefs — to ban long hair in the NFL next season. The owners will consider it at their meetings in Palm Beach, Fla., next week, because, you know, all the major prblems with the league have been solved. The Steelers' Troy Polamalu is waiting...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you have the Easter Bunny arrested ... • College basketball: National Invitation Tournament, quarterfinals: Mississippi at Virginia Tech (7 p.m., ET), Dayton at Ohio State (9 p.m., ET) . From the Division of Obscure Statistics: "The Flyers seek their first trip to the NIT semifin...

We'll Believe It When We See It ... And Even If We Don't
Matthew Berry, whatever you do in this world, you've made a Midwestern boy happy this Tuesday morning. We don't believe it, at all, but you know, no matter what, it's quite the fun next chapter....

Oh, You Are So Totally Grounded
In case you haven't seen this yet, the young Oregon fan giving the double-bird salute from the stands here toward UCLA's Kevin Love got into big trouble when he returned home. It seems that Sports Illustrated ran the photo with its story about rabid college sports fans a couple of weeks ago, and th...

In The Future, All Kickers Will Have JETPACKS!
Pure blogging brilliance from 100 Percent Injury Rate over at FanIQ: While digging through the suddenly free Sports Illustrated archives, they've discovered a 1979 Frank Deford article about what the NFL will look like in the year 2000. It's as hilarious as you think it is....

It's Still Not As Dangerous As A Typical Eagles Game
Please bear with me if you've seen this before; any time I see something this large and angry go into the stands that isn't Ron Artest, I must post it. Three things of note here: 1. Love the three guys sitting under the little overhang in the middle there, safe from harm in the stadium's finest lux...