the Page 509 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Check Out The Wheels On This Pumpkin Thief
Yesterday, D.C. writer Topher Mathews posted about the pumpkin on his doorstep. Specifically, he posted about how someone had stolen his pumpkin. It happens all the time! However, I have to say that I am pretty sure most pumpkin thefts are not this funny....
Nats Send Big Wet President To World Series After Failing To Send Runners Home
In the 1976 film Freaky Friday, a mother and daughter learn to forgive one another after a Friday the 13th spell forces the two to switch bodies for a day and experience the other’s life. The lesson at the end is that one of the best ways to resolve conflicts is by seeing the world through another p...
Adam Silver Says Issues Between U.S. And China Have "Absolutely Nothing To Do With The NBA"
At the beginning of Inside the NBA on Thursday, Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley sat with commissioner Adam Silver just a couple days after the crew tackled the league’s China debacle for the first time this season. As a quick note for context about this segment’s somber tone and pacin...
Dear The Jets: What The Hell Are You Doing?
In the Year of Our Lord 2019, an NFL franchise is doing all it can to force an injured player to postpone surgery for the sake of the team, to the point of withholding his pay. What, exactly, are the Jets trying to prove by insisting that left guard Kelechi Osemele wait until after the season to hav...
Kelechi Osemele Will Have His Shoulder Surgery, Whether The Jets Like It Or Not
The Jets are still hemming and hawing about authorizing a surgery offensive lineman Kelechi Osemele says he needs to repair a torn labrum in his right shoulder. Wednesday, Osemele said he’ll have the surgery Friday, whether the team authorizes it or not. Osemele, who cited the recommendations of two...
<i>Inside The NBA </i>Desk Argues About Daryl Morey And The League's Standoff With China
Before the NBA’s season opener Tuesday night, the Inside The NBA crew discussed the ongoing feud between the NBA and the Chinese government for a good nine minutes. In the Free Speech corner: Kenny Smith. In the Be Nice To China corner: Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley. In a third corner: Shaq....
Sports Reporter Blasts Slimeball Patriots Fan Who Tried To Kiss Her During <i>MNF</i> Interview
Sports reporter for PointsBet Sportsbook Erin Kate Dolan was interviewing a fan before Monday night’s Pats-Jets football game when a pasty creep wearing a Tom Brady jersey tried to plant a kiss on her. She skillfully ducked him and walked away....
And Now, A Modern Drug Deal Gone Wrong
Today, we’re talking about drugs, buffets, shitty NFL stock music, and more....
Fantasy Football Man Mad
Oh brother, can you believe that shit that happened last weekend? In the fantasy football? With the frickin’ Cardinals? They really boned us, fellas! I know you know what I’m talking about! Gah, I’m so steamed! And so is ESPN fantasy football analyst Matthew Berry:...
Mets Owners Gave Bill de Blasio $5,400 The Day Before He Quit His Presidential Campaign
In 2019, Jed Lowrie suffered a lower-body injury in spring training that somehow never got better or better-understood; for much of the year, the injury was just designated as “left side.” While he was unable to play the field at all, Lowrie did finally make it back to the bigs at the very end of th...
Gross, Someone Let Their Cat Puke In The Stanley Cup
There’s a long and storied history of NHL players putting gross shit in the Stanley Cup in the offseason after they win it all. But whoever let their cat vomit up this hairy this mound of flesh-colored puke into the Cup yesterday owes everybody an apology. In the past, the trophy’s been filled with...
The Siege And Fall Of A Hoops Haven That Made All The Wrong Enemies
In Philadelphia, a ghost was born....
Theo Epstein Landlord-Tenant Lawsuit Pits Scorpion Infestation Against Home-Befouling Doggo
Cubs executive Theo Epstein is embroiled in a not-at-all-classic security deposit dispute with a landlord whose home in Paradise Valley, Arizona Epstein rented with his family during spring training in 2015. The landlord says Epstein’s small family dog was a prolific piss-monster; Epstein says the h...
The Turnover King Has Returned
Jameis Winston is back, folks. After four straight games of relatively competent quarterbacking, Winston displayed a strong return to form in London against the Panthers on Sunday. He finished the game completing 30 of his 54 throws and 400 yards, but with five interceptions and a fumble....
The Panthers Tried An Ultra-Rare Fair Catch Kick
The Panthers and Buccaneers are playing in London today, which makes it the perfect time to confuse everybody with an extremely obscure NFL rule that even most American fans don’t really understand: the fair catch kick!...
Penn State Confiscates Players' Shirts Supporting Teammate Jonathan Sutherland
During their pregame warmups, Penn State football players wore shirts in that supported teammate Jonathan Sutherland, who received a letter from an old white couple that chided him for his shoulder-length dreadlocks. The shirts played off of the team’s rallying cry and read “Chains, Tattoos, Dreads,...
Seriously, What The Hell Is WWE Even Doing Right Now?
It’s been a weird week in WWE, and not in a way that anyone at the promotion would have wanted. ...
Antiques Shitshow: How Much Is My Ron Artest Kings Jersey Worth, Besides "Everything To Me"?
As I remember it, the decision to buy my white Ron Artest Sacramento Kings jersey was not a reasoning one. The decision to buy a basketball jersey, as someone who will probably only ever wear it during the six days per year that I am at or near a beach, is inherently not a reasonable one. And yet I ...
Reports: No NBA Team Has An "F" In Its Name
Deadspin sources, who requested anonymity for fear of retaliation, confirmed to Deadspin that no NBA team has an “F” in its name. This was discovered when the Deadspin staff was using our work chat to type “F” to pay respects to a dead Macbook charger, as one does. One callow staffer refused to do s...
Maybe It's Not That Complicated
Over the last few days, many people in the NBA and wider sports media world have settled on a basic talking point when discussing the ongoing international incident that Rockets GM Daryl Morey kicked off when he tweeted a message of support for pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong: It’s complicated...