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May The Dongs Be With You: The Week In Unintentional Dong Submissions
Lets jump right into the dongs. Today we begin with Luke Skywalker and his scruffy looking nerfherder dangling between his legs thanks to reader Jeff. As always, be sure to support our dong endeavors and send in any would-be penises to the tips department. ...
Scott Hairston Hits For Cycle, Mets Get Clobbered
Scott Hairston did that cool and meaningless thing where a player gets all the different kinds of hits possible in one game. Sadly, it was not a "natural" cycle, an even more meaningless occurrence made remarkable by the order in which the hits are made. The Mets, on the other hand, did that uncool...
Russell Wilson's Wife Provides Us With Our Favorite Face Of The Draft
Seattle chose quarterback Russell Wilson in the third round of last night's NFL Draft, and his wife of three months was so excited she immediately began the metamorphosis to boa constrictor....
![Here's Umpire Jeff Kellogg Tackling A Streaker At Tonight's A's-Orioles Game [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Here's Umpire Jeff Kellogg Tackling A Streaker At Tonight's A's-Orioles Game [UPDATE]
Jeff Kellogg was behind the plate for tonight's A's-Orioles game, when during the Seventh Inning Stretch a shirtless fan came onto the field and (painfully, we imagine) slid headfirst into home plate....
John Cusack In A Goatee? Quoth The Raven: Meh.
John Cusack is one of those actors whom everybody likes. He was a consistently enjoyable presence in '80s films like Better Off Dead and Sixteen Candles, and he won the hearts of a generation of young women by being the most sensitive man ever in Say Anything. Since then, he's been an indie staple (...
Ad On ESPN Homepage: Nothing Says Mother's Day Like The Gift Of Mel Kiper's Hair
I think the jeweler who bought the ad is going for the compatibility of trying to select a Mother's Day gift at the same time your favorite NFL team is trying to select the right draft pick. Synergy! But, really, Mel Kiper's hair as your pitch-hair? And let's be honest about using the draft as your ...
This Is The Face Of A Hockey Player
Veteran Panthers center John Madden took friendly fire in the first period of last night's Game 7 matchup with New Jersey last night, leaving bits of himself on the ice and suffering the sort of injury that generally knocks most other athletes out of competition. Most other athletes, of course, are...
This Is Video Of A Pole Vault Competition At The Drake Relays, Which Is Held In A Shopping Mall
And they've been doing it every year but one since 2008. As silly as it looks to see a world-class event taking place as some teenage girl exits The Limited before she makes a stop at Old Navy and heads over to the food court, there's actually something to be said for this....
Jack Black Has Overdosed On Himself
There is a moment, I think, when an actor's persona becomes so chiseled and locked-in that it's impossible to accept that person as an actor anymore; he's a movie star now, and that's all he will ever be again. This is not to say this movie star cannot be effective in a film; Tom Cruise hasn't been ...
Suns Fans Celebrate The Career Of Steve Nash With A Giant Drawing Of A Penis
Steve Nash becomes an unrestricted free agent this offseason, and since the Suns didn't qualify for the playoffs, his offseason essentially started last night. Suns fans came out to lament his departure (or beg him to stay) including at least one who decided the occasion called for a display of a g...
Larry Brown Swears He's At SMU For The Long Haul
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Forget about all those other jobs Brown left in the middle of....
Devils Fan Ridiculed By Panthers President For Lack Of Twitter Followers Now Has More Followers Than He Does
It's been two days since the Florida Panthers launched a concerted effort to blame visiting Devils fans for disrupting play by chucking rubber rats on the ice, despite the fact that it's a Panthers tradition and they sell the damn things for $5 in the arena. (And collect them to resell after they're...
Our Experts Review The Yankees' New Cologne, The $50 "Justin Bieber Of Scents"
This month, the Yankees introduced a new men's cologne (a women's fragrance will also be available at Macy's soon; it's already available at Yankee Stadium). Here's how they describe the "New York Yankees™ Eau de Toilette":...
Oh Look, Another Way To Exploit College Athletes
Head over to OregonAuthentic.com and bid on all your favorite gameworn ducks jerseys. Really love LaMichael James? Purchase his jersey from the night he broke the school's rushing record, and own a reminder of all the great times he provided you and Oregon. And of course, none of your money will act...
<em>Scenes From a Marriage</em>, But Longer And With Fart Jokes. <em>The Five-Year Engagement</em>, Reviewed.
1. There are several long stretches in which The Five-Year Engagement is the polar opposite of what anyone would consider "romantic" or "comedy." Jason Segel has always had a tinge of self-aggrandizing self-pity in his characters—the ones he plays, the ones he writes, and both—but for swaths of The ...
Adorable Dog Wins Stupid Contest At Reds Game
This is Treasure, everybody. Treasure's day yesterday probably began as most days do: Lots of eating, sleeping, and pooping—a comfortable, happy monotony occasionally interrupted by scratching, walking, and a few barks out the window at that kid who has the nerve to keep riding up and down the block...
New Era's "Chicago Vs. Chicago" Spot Is Actually Set At A Hoboken Bar
Official MLB cap provider New Era's launched a series of ads titled "Chicago Vs. Chicago" in which popular character actors Nick Offerman and Craig Robinson argue over the merits of the Cubs versus the White Sox. This debate takes place, as we're led to believe in an establishing shot, in a Chicago...
How To Make A Pipe Out Of <em>ESPN The Magazine</em>'s Stupid Weed-Panic Issue
The latest issue of ESPN The Magazine contains a feature by Mark Schlabach about college football's marijuana "problem." It is, as we've noted, one of the most useless sports-and-drugs stories ever committed to paper. But not entirely useless! The video above provides step-by-step instructions f...
What <em>The Avengers</em> Means For The Future Of Comic-Book Movies
Tomorrow, Marvel's The Avengers will open in certain parts of the globe—not the U.S., which won't see the film until May 4—and Marvel's four-year odyssey of laying the groundwork for this action blockbuster will finally be over. It's been an impressive run commercially, if not always critically. (Ca...
ESPN Writer Has <em>The Protocols Of Zion</em> On His Bookshelf
Late last week, ESPN's MMA writer Franklin McNeil appeared on an ESPN.com video previewing the big UFC pay-per-view fight between Jon Jones and Rashad Evans. In the video, McNeil talked about the bout while sitting in front of his bookshelf at his home. Clever D.I.Y. stagecraft! (Just a few weeks ag...