ti Page 1089 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Should You Bang Your Ex One Last Time?<em></em>
LADYSPIN IS IN THE HOUSE!...
Ezekiel Elliott Docs Reveal Mysterious NFL Relationship With Prosecutors' Group<em></em><em></em>
The NFL spin machine is fast at work doing its best to make it look like the investigation into the domestic violence allegations against Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott has been long and arduous and absolutely had to take more than a year. Even though the criminal investigation ended in...
In 911 Call, Uber Driver Screams That Michael Oher Bit Him
In a 911 call from the April night that free-agent NFL offensive tackle Michael Oher was cited for assaulting an Uber driver, the driver screams that Oher bit his back, reports the Tennessean. ...
Trump's New Lackey Says The President Is So Good At Sports<em></em>
This morning, beleaguered and incompetent White House press secretary Sean Spicer resigned and went off to the great briefing room in the sky in protest of the White House’s hiring of hedge fund guy Anthony Scaramucci as communications director. Scaramucci gave his first address to the press today, ...
Sergio Garcia Fights Bush, Loses
During his round at the British Open today, Sergio Garcia whacked his club into some bushes after hitting a shot he was not happy with on the fourth hole. He should not have done that, because he ended up hurting his shoulder. ...
Popular Twin Vloggers Are The Sons Of Former Romanian World Champion Gymnast
This week, former Vine star and current Disney Channel actor Jake Paul was revealed to be a horrendous nightmare of a neighbor. In some of his videos are a a set of twins named Marcus and Lucas Dobre. Though they regularly collaborate with Paul, the Dobres have a much more notable name helping them:...
Why'd You Dress Up?
I see you. Spandex. Spiderman. I see you there. What are you doing? ...
The Cubs' New Team Celebration Is Lame As Hell
After a sluggish start to the summer, the Cubs are now riding a six-game winning streak that has them just one game back of first place in the NL Central. Cool! To celebrate, they’ve adopted a distinctly dorky performance to mark getting on base. Less cool!...
War Is The Health Of The State
Have you ever stopped to wonder why practically every government on earth follows the same basic form?...
Steven Souza Jr. Blames Athletics' Muddy Field For Hip Injury
Rays outfielder Steven Souza Jr. had to leave yesterday’s game against the A’s after sliding into second base during a steal attempt. The injury ocurred when his back foot dug too far into the dirt and caused his body to stretch awkwardly....
New Warriors Arena Will Require PSLs For Season Tickets
When the Warriors’ new arena in San Francisco opens for the 2019-2020 season, it will be the first building in the NBA where fans will have to buy personal seat licenses just for the right to purchase season tickets....
USMNT Win 2-0 Despite El Salvador's Biting And Nipple-Tweaking
The USMNT cruised to a 2-0 victory in tonight’s CONCACAF Gold Cup quarterfinal despite the fact that El Salvador repeatedly treated players like you might have treated your little brother....
On The Second Day, Carlos Beltrán's Glove Rose From The Dead
Two days ago, the Houston Astros gathered to lay Carlos Beltrán’s glove to rest. The erstwhile outfielder hadn’t played defense in more than two months, spending his days as a designated hitter instead, and the team put together a nice little ceremony with a priest (Brian McCann), a coffin (a shoebo...
The Africa Cup Of Nations Might Move To Summer, Thank God
The most consistent interruption to the soccer season might finally be changing to a more convenient date, as the Africa Cup of Nations is reportedly set to move from January and February to June and July....
TV Pranksters Sued By Station Owner, And They Need Your HelpÂ
Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher, maybe the only good pranksters in the world, are responsible for bringing you the joy of yo-yo master K-Strass, bad cook Chef Keith, and strongmen Chop and Steele. And now they’re being sued by the company that owns one of the local stations who put them on the air. The...
Orioles Score Six Runs Before Recording Their First Out
The Rangers’ gamble on Tyson Ross—who missed all of last year with shoulder inflammation and entered this year recovering from surgery for thoracic outlet syndrome—hasn’t paid off too well as of yet. It really, really, really didn’t pay off tonight....
White Sox Announcer Who Rejected Fried Pickle Also Rejects Frozen Turkey
The Chicago White Sox are playing the Los Angeles Dodgers, who are pitching Clayton Kershaw, tonight. Let’s talk about what happened Friday night, when Sox play-by-play man Jason Benetti presented color man Steve Stone, who previously rejected a fried pickle, with a frozen turkey on his 70th birthda...
Failed Sports Radio Host Chris Christie Catches Foul Ball To Disgust Of Mets Fans
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie showed off his athletic side at tonight’s Cardinals-Mets game, reaching from his seat to make a left-handed catch of a foul ball off the bat of St. Louis shortstop Paul DeJong....
Tigers Officially Become Sellers, Send J.D. Martinez To Arizona
Pretty much every good player on the Tigers has been thrown out as a potential trade candidate this month, but Detroit made its first official move of the season Tuesday night, sending J.D. Martinez to the Arizona Diamondbacks in exchange for three prospects....