ti Page 1099 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Of Course Tim Tebow Knows Where The Dang On-Deck Circle Is
So poor lil Tim Tebow, the world-famous football refugee and circumcision doer now trying his hand at baseball, prepared for his first spring-training plate appearance for the New York Mets yesterday by doddering all the way around behind home plate, from the third-base dugout to the first-base side...
Steph Curry Spoke Too Soon
At the end of the third quarter of last night’s Celtics-Warriors game, Steph Curry did some very rude things to Celtics rookie Jaylen Brown. After shaking and faking Brown out of his airspace, Curry rose up for a buzzer-beating three that put the Warriors up 74-71. And then he got sassy, turning tow...
The Penguins-Jets Grudge Match Was The Perfect NHL Cycle Of Stupidity
The Penguins and Jets came into Wednesday night’s game with beef. When these teams last met, on Feb. 16, the Jets were incensed by an Evgeni Malkin hit to the head of Blake Wheeler. Watch it here and decide for yourself, but the NHL decided it did not warrant any further discipline beyond Malkin’s t...
Here Is A Thing That Happened In Tim Tebow's Spring Training Debut
At the start of the bottom of the third inning, New York Mets designated hitter Tim Tebow left the dugout to get some warm-up swings in before stepping into the box. But, strangely, he walked all the way around behind the plate—from the Mets dugout on the third-base side to the on-deck circle in fro...
Report: Ty Lawson's Probation Could Get Revoked Over Alleged Alcohol Violations
Last year, a Denver court sentenced Ty Lawson to a year of probation after he picked up two DUIs in six months in 2015. Prosecutors pushed for jail time, but he avoided hard time in exchange for a year of probation and 48 hours of community service. During the hearing in Denver County Court last Mar...
Here Is A Harrowingly In-Depth Analysis Of The New <i>Game Of Thrones </i>Poster
Game Of Thrones, HBO’s hit show about cartography and snowstorms, will be back soonish (probably in July). The release date hasn’t been announced yet, but the first bit of show-related ephemera dropped today, via EW. It’s a poster. There’s a lot of ice....
Cycling Team Derailed By Disintegrating Wheels
Team Sky have spent the past few weeks embroiled in one of the biggest doping controversies the sport has seen since Lance Armstrong, and this morning, their on-road fate has ominously aligned with the team’s image. Sky are usually one of the best team time trial squads out there and they’ve taken T...
American Wonderteen Christian Pulisic Stomped All Over Benfica<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund lost 1-0 to Benfica in Lisbon, Portugal two weeks ago, necessitating a strong performance today in the second leg of their Round of 16 Champions League tie to advance. They needn’t worry, because the wonderteen was there. ...
The Indian Wells Men's Draw Is One Big Clusterfuck
Today, out in the Coachella Valley, the Indian Wells Masters will begin. It’s the highest-profile tennis tournament in the world after the four Grand Slams, dropping a fat bounty of 1000 ranking points on its winners. Everyone in the tennis universe should be excited, except for Serena Williams and ...
Piss Off, Tim Tebow
Tim Tebow isn’t a major-league ballplayer, and he isn’t a pro ballplayer in any but the barest, most literal sense. Certainly, if he weren’t famous for playing football and for not having been aborted, no one anywhere would pay him money to play baseball. Look at this shit!...
Democratic Process Gives Every Idiot A Voice
The true spirit of our Founding Fathers was celebrated this week in Bayonne, New Jersey, where the local quacks, racists, and morons were allowed to voice their stupid views at a zoning hearing. ...
Are You Sure Russell Westbrook Should Be MVP? Consider These Stats
An NBA season is not a triple-double-getting contest. Yesterday, Albert Burneko argued that the discussion about who deserves the NBA Most Valuable Player award has lately gone off track—that Russell Westbrook, averaging a triple-double for the Oklahoma City Thunder, has been so thoroughly and overw...
Angry Man Cuts President Trump's Balls Off<em></em>
President Trump was getting hard to manage so his handlers went and lopped off his testicles....
Five-Year-Old Set To Become Youngest-Ever Contestant At National Spelling Bee
Nerd alert! Edith Fuller, a home-schooled 5-year-old from Oklahoma, qualified for the National Spelling Bee after winning the Scripps Green Country Regional Spelling Bee Saturday. She will be the youngest-ever dweeb to compete in a national spelling bee....
Man, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Blew This One
Okay, okay, this isn’t quite a gimme goal here that Cristiano Ronaldo just missed. The angle was tough, and he had a lot to focus on with the keeper and defender right on top of him. Still, it was an open net, it would’ve been a hugely important goal in this second leg of Real Madrid’s Champions Lea...
Is Your Chicken Processed By Free Range Humans?
Yesterday, the Senate voted to repeal regulations that required federal contractors to accurately disclose all of their workplace safety violations. Because who would want that? ...
Marc Bergevin Is A Master Of Disguise
Montreal Canadiens general manager Marc Bergevin pulled off a gag with a potted plant at Monday’s session of the NHL GM meetings. He must have enjoyed that brief moment of time in which he didn’t have to field any questions about P.K. Subban....
What's Eating Isaiah Thomas?
The Celtics lost 116-102 to the Clippers last night, and after the game Celtics star point guard Isaiah Thomas was spotted doing that thing no team ever wants to see their star player doing: refusing to take off his uniform and staring into space....
Big Dustin Byfuglien Takes Out Three Dudes At Once
Jets defenseman Dustin Byfuglien is listed at 6-foot-5, 260 pounds, and depending on the time of year, even that might be severely underselling it. The point is you don’t want to be in his way when his brakes go out. ...
Fuck Off, GRRM!
Hey man, we don’t want this weak shit! Give us The Winds Of Winter! Let’s see some pages!...