ti Page 1187 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Cardinals Lost Their 52nd Game

The lowly Atlanta Braves earned their 40th win of the season Saturday as they drubbed the St. Louis Cardinals, 13-5....

Katinka Hosszú's Ridiculous Record-Breaking 400 IM, Visualized<em></em>

Hungarian Katinka Hosszú smashed the women’s 400 IM record last night by 2.07 seconds, the biggest leap in world record progression since East German Petra Schneider’s performance at Moscow in 1980. To illustrate just how fast Hosszú was in comparison to previous champions, we’ve matched up the prev...

Sobbing A-Rod Announces The Yankees Are Ending His Career<em></em><em></em>

The New York Yankees called a press conference this morning to announce that Alex Rodriguez’s career as a Yankee will end next week. His final game will be on Friday against the Rays, after which the Yankees will release him, and he will retire and become a “special advisor and instructor” to the cl...

J.D. Martinez Nails Jay Bruce At The Plate To End Game

Jay Bruce tested J.D. Martinez, and that was a bad idea. Down a run, with two men on with two outs in the ninth inning, the Mets’ Travis d’Arnaud hit a grounder through the right side. Bruce steamed around third, and Tigers right fielder Martinez came up throwing:...

Photogs Capture Remarkable Images Of French Gymnast Samir Aït Saïd After Leg Break [Graphic]<em></em>

Photographers captured a remarkable set of images of French gymnast Samir Aït Saïd, who suffered a horrific leg injury after a vault and immediately proved he is a hell of a lot tougher than you are. After initially grimacing as if he’d stubbed a toe badly, his expression changed to the exasperated ...

French Gymnast Suffers Horrific Leg Break [Graphic]<em></em>

French gymnast Samir Aït Saïd was coming in for a landing after flipping several times off of the vault, when his left leg buckled and snapped horrifically upon contact with the ground....

Panel of Droids Discuss Liverpool and Barcelona's Prospects

Towards the end of the halftime break in Liverpool-Barcelona on Saturday, ESPN’s Ian Darke sent viewers from Wembley Stadium back to the studio, which sometime during the commercial break had moved to the Mos Eisley Cantina....

The True Story Of The Fall Of Rome Is A Hell Of Lot Better Than The Hollywood Version

If you were ever forced to sit through a high school or college history class, you probably heard the story of the fall of the Roman Empire. At best, you remember that savage, fur-clad barbarians poured through the gates of a rotting, decrepit empire and snuffed out the light of civilization for a t...

Frank Ocean Has No Pages, But Matisyahu Has Plenty

I do not believe that the extremely good musician Frank Ocean will release his album today. Our paper of record did, based on an insider with knowledge of Ocean’s deal with Apple, but they’re going to look silly, just like all of us. How could we be so gullible? Here’s an image he presents on the al...

Instead of Milk, Try Yogurt

Breakfast cereals. Good, right? Instead of milk upon your cereal, try this: ...

This Appreciation Of Mark Teixeira Didn't Come Easily

Mark Teixeira is going to announce his retirement this afternoon, effective at the end of this season. I’m the Yankees fan on staff, so when the news came out, Ley asked me what my favorite Tex moment was. I was at a loss....

Florida Hired Football Booster To Oversee Hearing For Player Accused Of Sexual Assault

The mysterious “student conduct violation” that kept WRs Antonio Callaway and Treon Harris away from the Gators all spring was revealed by ESPN to be an accusation of sexual assault by a female University of Florida student. But that’s just the start of the news today....

<i>Suicide Squad</i> Is The Summer's Best Movie About Divorce

I consider my life to consist of two parts: one before I saw Suicide Squad, the other after. ...

Bob Costas's Legendary Belmont Beer Chug Was Actually A Little Baby Sip

For years now, a flattering story about tiny sportscaster Bob Costas has been circulating around the internet. Legend has it that while Costas was covering the 2011 Belmont Stakes, a rowdy fan threw a beer at him. Costas is said to have caught the can of suds with one hand, and then chugged the beve...

Padres Chairman Continues To Shit On Players Who Didn't Live Up To His Expectations

There are a lot of big dumb assholes involved in major league baseball. This guy, for example. For whatever reason, Padres executive chairman Ron Fowler, an old man nobody had ever heard of until a few months ago, has decided that 2016 is the year in which he attempts to become the biggest, dumbest ...

Chaunté Lowe Demonstrates The High Art Of Balance

Physics figures large in high jump. Converting horizontal energy into vertical energy, torque, angle, and center of mass. But the most important concept, the one that’s helped Chaunté Lowe make four Olympic teams and set the American record, is balance. ...

“‘Bleacher Report is an industry leader in developing creative, high-quality content with fans, and we’re looking forward to sharing our unique story through its vibrant platform,’ Notre Dame head football coach Brian Kelly said.” [Bleacher Report]...

J.D. Martinez Returns From DL, Pinch-Hits, Socks A Strong Home Run On First Pitch

Detroit Tigers outfielder J.D. Martinez has been out of commission since June 16 after he fractured his elbow and went on the disabled list. In Wednesday’s game against the Chicago White Sox, Martinez made his return in the form of an eighth-inning pinch-hit appearance, and he got the most out of it...

Weak-Ass Bureaucrats To Heroic Philly Citizens: Stop Turning Dumpsters Into Swimming Pools

The wise and proud residents of Cedar Street in Philadelphia, Penn. recently threw themselves a block party. Understanding that the party would be greatly improved by the presence of a swimming pool, they participated in the great American tradition of doing whatever the hell you want. Which is to s...

Katie Nolan Has Finally Figured Out How To Get Men Interested In Sports

On the latest episode of Garbage Time, Katie Nolan discussed Texas A&M’s misguided Chalk Talk For Women event, which threw all sorts of sexism at A&M’s female fans. ...