ti Page 1241 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Holy Shit, A Chinese Team Just Bought Jackson Martínez For So Much Money
Look, Chinese teams flexing their newfound financial muscle by snatching up a handful of the best performers from the Brazilian league every season, or even by buying some very good though out of favor European players like Gervinho and Ramires is one thing. But breaking the bank for a striker on on...
Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid
Generic man Martin O’Malley ended his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination last night. The Iowa caucus was rough on the former Baltimore mayor and Maryland governor: Once poll-workers sorted out the caucus-goers who thought they were standing in line to get their photo taken with “tha...
Motorized Doping, Explained: Your Guide To The Weirdest Sports Scandal Of The Year
This weekend, Femke Van den Driessche, a 19-year-old Belgian cyclocross racer, lined up at the U-23 World Championships. She’d previously won the Euros and the Belgian championships, and she was the favorite to get herself a set of rainbow stripes. But she had a bad race, and was forced to exit with...
Do People Use Siri To Sext? It’s A Special Super Bowl Funbag!
I got good news, and I got bad news. The bad news is that this week’s Funbag is a special podcast edition, featuring me and Marchman addressing all of your most pressing questions. We had to do it this way because I’m in San Francisco covering the Super Bowl for GQ. (Don’t worry, there will still be...
Man Improves Live Transfer Deadline Day Report With Enormous Inflatable Banana
This steely-eyed banana wielder, interrupting Sportitalia’s deadline day report outside Chelsea’s stadium, took it upon himself to carry on the proud tradition of the purple dildo guy. Only there was just so much the Italian reporter could take before turning the tables:...
Referee Asks Ronaldinho For Autograph During A Game
And so Ronaldinho continues on in semi-retired career limbo. This weekend, the former Brazilian phenom laced up his boots for a one-off friendly with Ecuador’s Barcelona Sporting Club (no relation). Rather than suffering through some of the more harrowing moments we’ve seen from present day Ronaldin...
Argentine Cup Match Suspended After Players Won't Stop Beating The Shit Out Of Each Other
Argentina’s traditional summer tournaments came to an end last night with a suspension of the final Copa Ciudad de la Plata match due to both teams’ inability to cease punching and kicking each other....
What Should We Call Draymond Green's Perfect Triple-Doubles?
The triple-double has always been more of a fun box-score artifact than a meaningful statistic, but Draymond Green has been gilding lilies that deserve special recognition....
Olympic Marathon Trials: The Victory Lap For Pretty Darn Good Runners
Of the 259 women and 217 men who qualified for the U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials, only about 10 in each field have an honest chance at finishing in the top three and going to Rio. But hundreds or even thousands more arranged the past four years of their lives around running a marathon or half-maratho...
Yawn, Another Ronaldo Hat Trick
Ho hum. Cristiano Ronaldo and Real played Espanyol (who are two points above the relegation zone) at the Bernabéu, and would you believe it, they kicked the shit out of them. Ronaldo had a hat trick and James was pinging in dangerous balls over the top all game. Here’s the best Ronaldo goal....
Orioles Prospect Ramon Ramirez Dies After Motorcycle Accident In The Dominican Republic
Baltimore Orioles prospect Ramon Ramirez died yesterday near his hometown of La Romana, Dominican Republic after a motorcycle accident. He was 23 years old. ...
The 1966 Pro Bowl Halftime Show Featured A Goose-Stepping Swastika Being Eaten By A Church
If you’re unversed on decades-old Pro Bowls, you’d be forgiven for thinking Fall Out Boy’s 2014 performance was the most offensive halftime show in the history of the NFL’s all-star game. But no! The 1967 Pro Bowl “The Taming Of The West” halftime show featured a tribute to Indian massacres, as note...
Virginia Tech Athlete Arrested On Charges He Abducted & Murdered 13-Year-Old
Blacksburg, Va. police today arrested Virginia Tech track athlete David Eisenhauer and charged him with the abduction and murder of a local 13-year-old....
It's Gotta Get Stiff From Jackin' It That Many Times
“Does he keep it lubricated, or...” Sixers color man Alaa Abdelnaby wants to know some very intimate details about Steph Curry....
Isaiah Cousins Hits Late Jumper To Push Oklahoma Past LSU
Sooners superstar Buddy Hield scored 32, but it was teammate Isaiah Cousins who proved to be the Oklahoma hero as his jumper with four seconds left capped a 14-point comeback in Baton Rouge and downed the Tigers in the spotlight matchup of two of college basketball’s top players....
Chris Martin's Masterful Assist Sets Up Equalizer For Derby County
Manchester United is even 1-1 with Championship side Derby County at the half of their FA Cup match after George Thorne found the net courtesy a gorgeous over-the-top pass from Chris Martin....
Did You Already Abandon Your New Year's Resolution?
New York City’s record-breaking snowfall this past weekend would’ve been all the excuse I needed to break my New Year’s resolution, if I’d had one. I did notice it all around me, though: Those who’d committed to Sober January had “just one, because what else am I gonna do?” Those who’d vowed to defi...
Fast-Food Smackdown: McDonald's Mozzarella Sticks Vs. Wendy's Bacon Fondue Fries
Cheese trails only corgis and dead British men as a stimulator of exaggerated public devotion. Forgetting for a blessed second the “lactose intolerant” cowards who try to hide dime-store haterism behind their genetics and intestines, we all stand ever ready to declare undying love for good old thick...
Moving Away Doesn't Fix Shit
Some lady in a furry hat full-on bodied me without looking up from her phone as I was walking in the West Village a few weeks ago. I impulsively said, Bitch instead of mumbling an apology like I normally do. Was I finally shedding my obsequious Midwestern politeness after six months of living in New...
I Can Water My Virtual Plants, But Not Myself
Did you know that water is good for you? You should drink a lot of water. In fact, you should drink more water than any other beverage. How much water should you drink? Well, that’s up for debate, but let’s say eight glasses of water per day, eight ounces per glass. That’s a lot! Are you drinking en...