ti Page 1310 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ravens Lineman John Urschel Loves Math More Than You Love Anything
Baltimore Ravens offensive lineman John Urschel recently had a math paper—titled "A Cascadic Multigrid Algorithm for Computing the Fiedler Vector of Graph Laplacians"—published in the Journal of Computational Mathematics. You think you love math? You don't love math. John Urschel loves math....
I'm A Craft Addict: On The Pleasures Of <i>Dragon Age: Inquisition</i>
It's true: I could really use some elfroot. It's hard to find. Why is it so hard to find? Wait, is it hard to find? Have I just been looking in all the wrong places? Given its importance to this particular video game—you need elfroot for, like, every healing potion—I'd expect it to be more plentiful...
Kevin Durant Out Indefinitely With Persistent Foot Soreness
Thunder GM Sam Presti held a press conference today to announce that his team is super boned. Well, he didn't say that specifically, but that's about all there is to be gleaned from his announcement that Kevin Durant, who was supposedly close to returning to the team after missing the last 13 games ...
<i>Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry </i>Is Acidic B-Movie Nihilism Done Right
The car-chase movies of the '70s really only had one plot: Someone drives a muscle car really fast, hoping to avoid police cars, some of which end up driving into streams or ponds. But each movie found a vastly different way to tell that one story. Vanishing Point, the genre's real masterpiece, to...
Madonna Needs A Nap
Madonna needs a friend who will grab her by the shoulders and ask the hard questions, like, "Are you sure this is such a good idea?" She has needed a friend like this for many, many years, and no, the help does not count. Sure, I know she has a new album out and all that, but she really needs to dri...
Vegas Goes Nuts Over A Meaningless Layup To Cover The Spread
It was a remarkable day of basketball, despite having only two (or three, maybe) actual late winners. But if you are rooting with your wallet as well as with your heart, well, there are buzzer-beaters all around you....
Former Temple Football Player Arrested On Human Trafficking Charges
Baltimore police have arrested two men, 25-year-old Matt Brown and 30-year-old Anthony Leon Eley Jr., on human trafficking charges. Brown is the son of a prominent Baltimore attorney, and was an all-conference football player at Temple University....
The Timberwolves Signed A Guy Because He Was Nearby
The closest race in the NBA is at the bottom, where Minnesota and New York are neck and neck for the league's worst record—and the best shot at the No. 1 overall draft pick—with Philly and Los Angeles not far ahead. Last night's T-Wolves/Knicks tangle at MSG had the feel of a championship game—a poo...
Cincinnati Forces Overtime With Last Gasp Layup
I—and everybody else, surely—was screaming "SHOOT THE DAMN BALL ALREADY" at Cincinnati's Troy Caupain as he seemingly took an eternity to attempt and tie the ballgame. But Caupain's internal clock had Swiss watchmaker-like accuracy, and by golly he was going to use up 7.3 of the 7.4 seconds he had t...
Cincy's Octavius Ellis Ejected For Forearm Shiver, Cries As He Leaves
Cincinnati is locked in a tight battle with Purdue for the right to play (presumably) Kentucky in the next round, but their task just got a lot harder after forward Octavius Ellis was given a flagrant two and ejected for the forearm shiver above. He seemed to regret his excessively violent boxing ou...
Serie A Side Parma, $106 Million In Debt, Declared Bankrupt
Serie A side Parma, who are dead last and a sure thing to be relegated, was declared bankrupt in Italian court today, according to The Guardian. While it looks like they will finish out the Serie A season—possibly with funding from the league or Italian soccer federation—there remains the possibilit...
"Make Hummus, Not Walls": A Food Tour Of Ramallah
It was somewhere around the first bite of m'sakhan and the second glass of arak that I started to think that my panic had been unfounded. "Unfounded" is a strong word. Misdirected, perhaps. But I'm getting ahead of myself. ...
Tim Howard Kinda Just Chills With His Hands Down, Watches Goal Go In
I know. I know. It was a great goal from Dynamo Kiev's Andriy Yarmolenko. Someone should've, could've stepped to the ball, at some point. Tim Howard probably couldn't have gotten to it anyway. I know. That's all out of the way....
Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms
For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, becau...
How to Cash Out Your Change
It's around 3 p.m., and I'm starting to run out of gas. My brain just has no juice. I'm a writer, and I work best in the mornings, so I try to be typing by 7:45 a.m., and with any luck I make it till 4 before the gears start to grind and the works gum up. But not today. Today, by like 3:15, the wo...
Kyrie Irving Made Timofey Mozgov's Job Very Easy
Cavs center Timofey Mozgov scored 17 points on 7-of-8 shooting while playing just 17 minutes in last night's rout of the Nets. That's an efficient-ass game! He's got Kyrie Irving, who set up five of those seven made buckets with some beautiful passing, to thank for it....
Dallas Sportscaster Blasts The Cowboys For Signing Greg Hardy
The last time we checked in with Dallas sportscaster Dale Hansen, he was ripping into the football establishment for suggesting that Michael Sam would make things "uncomfortable" in the NFL. With the Cowboys having signed Greg Hardy—whose then-girlfriend Nicole Holder testified that Hardy strangle...
Teamwork Is Helping To Hide Your Buddy's Dong While He Pees On The Bench
If you ever wanted to know how close the Sevilla players are with each other, this is your answer....
My Beloved Stuffed Animal Needs A Bath, And I'm A Nervous Wreck
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Today In Tifos
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