ti Page 1596 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Marlins Complain To MLB Because Greg Dobbs, Justin Ruggiano, And Steve Cishek Didn't Make The All-Star Team
Giancarlo Stanton, the hulking Marlins right fielder, is having one hell of an age-22 season—19 home runs, a .284/.364/.554 batting line, an all-star spot, solid gold stuff. Or, well, Stanton's season was solid gold until he hurt his knee. He underwent surgery today and pulled out of the home run de...

A Nine-Year-Old Bet That Roger Federer Would Win Seven Wimbledons Just Paid Off For A Dead Gambler's Favorite Charity
Way back in 2003, the year Roger Federer won his first Grand Slam event at All England, a shut-in named Nick Newlife wrote to bookmaker William Hill, asking what kind of odds he could get on the young Swiss to win seven Wimbledon titles by 2019. It was a "unique" bet, one not even the legendarily fu...

Portland Man Running For Mayor, Punching Pick-Up Basketball Opponents In The Balls
I should clear something up. Democrat Jefferson Smith (pictured, right)* has denied punching any pick-up basketball opponent in the balls. His opponent yelled "You just punched me in the balls!" and Smith replied "I punched you in the thigh, not the balls." So, in the interest of fair and balanced c...
![Ford C. Frick Award-Winner Tim McCarver Mocked A Cancer Charity During Tonight's Broadcast [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Ford C. Frick Award-Winner Tim McCarver Mocked A Cancer Charity During Tonight's Broadcast [UPDATE]
Locks Of Love is a charity that makes wigs out of donated hair for children who have lost theirs due to cancer treatments or other medical reasons. Most people are familiar with Locks Of Love, for whom well-known hirsute people often go shorn in the name of charity and good faith....

Cherry-Pit Spitting Contest Makes For Great Copy
This is a great article for a sweaty Saturday evening. It's short, sweet and absolutely absurd. Let's start with the headline:...

You Won't Regret Reading About The Seven Best Bill Murray Stories
Bill Murray is an awesome dude, and he'll always have a special place in the hearts of sports fans for doing stuff like this, this, and this....

Freeh Investigation Report Said To Be "Tough On Paterno"
According to ESPN The Magazine's Don Van Natta, Jr., The Freeh report should be released as soon as next week. It is expected to be bad for Joe Paterno....

Was Kate Upton Drunk At Last Night's Tigers Game?
Michigan native and Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton showed up at last night's Tigers-Royals bout at Comerica Park, partying in Justin Verlander's suite and launching a Twitterstorm....

Ray Allen Leaves Boston Just As He Found It: In Shambles
Last night Ray Allen told Miami Heat officials that he will be accepting their "mini mid-level" contract offer of about $3 million. Boston is reacting with its usual restrained dignity. He's now being called a traitor or Judus. (Funny story about Ray Allen: he was once in a movie and played a guy c...

Minor League Mascot Placed On DL With Third-Degree Costume Burns
Uncle Slam, mascot for the Class A Potomac Nationals, was placed on the 60-day disabled list and will miss the remainder of the season. The release, from the baby Nats:...

The Top 22 Athlete Nicknames Of All Time
The Deadspin staff has determined the funniest, most creative, and most memorable pro athlete nicknames of all time. The list:...

Rugby Team Pissed About Rival That Allegedly Urinates In Own Shorts Before Matches
Australian newspaper The Daily Telegraph reported today Illawarra District Rugby Union is looking into a complaint that an unnamed Avondale rugby player urinated in his shorts before a match against Vikings in order to put off would-be tacklers....

Discussion Discussion: Of Math And Commenting
OK, various malcontents, you've finally broken us down, and we're going to admit something deeply uncomfortable. Here it is:...

Chargers Now Actively Trying To Sell Tickets To Chiefs Fans
The Chargers' attendance issues are legendary. The weather's too nice. The stadium's too old. Norv Turner's just going to do something stupid and they're going to crash out just shy of the playoffs again. There are all sorts of reasons why Qualcomm doesn't fill up. Failing to adequately advertise to...

Brandon Roy Comes Out Of Retirement To Play For The Minnesota Timberwolves
Brandon Roy was, not so long ago, one of the NBA's premier players. He was a smooth-handling shooting guard who could pass, nail step-back jumpers, and explode to the rim with surprising athleticism. It seemed all but certain that Roy would become one of the defining players of this era, taking a s...

Oops! Joe Paterno Knew How To Use Email After All
The Chronicle of Higher Education is reporting today that it has obtained evidence demonstrating that, contrary to claims from his family's legal representatives, former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was in fact able to use email. And he wasn't afraid to do so in order to try and protect hi...

What's Sadder Than Not Making The 2012 Olympic Team?
Confetti. Lots of it....

Usain Bolt Is Lookin' Kinda Human
Usain Bolt's been the fastest non-jetpacked man in the world for four years now, and at 25, is still in a sprinter's prime. But a funny thing has happened over the last calendar year. At the 2011 World Championships in South Korea, Bolt was disqualified in the 100m final for a false start, and the g...

Bryce Harper Will Train To Become A Firefighter In The Offseason So He'll "Have Something To Fall Back On"
Once upon a time, MLB players held jobs in the offseason. The good ones owned local businesses—car dealerships and the like—the not-so-good ones dug graves. But now that the owners and the union have thoroughly streamlined the process of separating you from your money, players don't need jobs in the...

How Do You Get The Contest Out Of Your System? Trying To Answer The Only Question On Anybody's Mind At Nathan's
The Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest is a lot of things—patriotic, promotional, repellant—but above all, the contest is a study in misdirection. Like so many of Coney Island's storied card sharks and freak shows, the contest succeeds by distracting its audience, pl...