ti Page 1598 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
When The Machines Finally Take Over, It Will Be Because Of The Assholes Who Designed A Robot That Cheats At Rock-Paper-Scissors
Thanks to the incredibly short-sighted scientists at Japan's Ishikawa Oku Laboratory we now have this robot that will never, ever lose at rock-paper-scissors. And it's not even a cool robot that processes a million variables per second and beats you straight up. No, it's just got a super fast camer...
Jonathan Vilma Alleges Former Assistant Coach Fabricated Evidence In Bounty Probe In Newly Filed Lawsuit Against NFL
On Saturday night, Jonathan Vilma filed his second lawsuit against the NFL in U.S. District Court in New Orleans. In his latest filing the Saints Linebacker has asked for a quick ruling on his supension appeal and, alternatively, for a temporary restraining order that would permit Vilma to continue...
The Family That Hugs Lawnmower Dongs Together Stays Together: The Week In Unintentional Dongs
We're back for another round of unintentional dongs. let's not waste any time and get right into the dongy good times. Reader Nathan gets us going with his son's version of a lawnmower. Is this perhaps some subconscious allusion to his mother's indiscretions with the landscaper? We just don't know. ...
Insane Man Goes Hunting For Murderous "Testicle-Eating" Fish
Jeremy Wade hosts a show called "River Monsters," so I suppose this would fall under the show's umbrella. After hearing word of a fish that killed two men by eating their testicles, causing them to bleed to death, Wade decided to seek out the culprit....
Who Are Golf's "Invisible Man" Guys?
A bizarre scene is unfolding at today's third round action at the AT&T National. After violent storms uprooted several trees (including a 75 foot tree falling across the fairway on 14) and delayed play, the course has been overrun by thousands of "Invisible Man" guys....
Denver Brewery Makes Clown Question Bro Beer, Bryce Harper Suggests Donating Proceeds To Fund For Daughter Of Slain Officer
Fine, so it was someone in Bryce Harper's stable of handlers, but still, it's a nice sentiment. "That's a clown question, bro" has taken on a life of it's own and a Denver brewery named a beer using the famous retort to join in on all the fun just as Harper was in town to play the Rockies....
Leaked Penn State Emails Suggest Joe Paterno Protected Jerry Sandusky
For those still genuflecting at the altar of Paterno, this is bad. According to CNN, Penn State officials were discussing a plan of action to handle the Sandusky mess in 2001 that involved contacting child welfare services. One official spoke with Joe Paterno and the next day, that was no longer the...
NASCAR At Sea: How The America's Cup Evolved, And Why It's Good For The Sport
There's no more basketball or hockey on television this weekend. Football's weeks away. There's baseball, if that's your thing, but we're not even at the all-star break. So the weekend will be all about the global sports: soccer, various Olympic trials, and... sailing? Yes, the America's Cup World S...
Discussion Discussion: A Word About Trolls And Stupid People, From The Deadspin Kinja Faeries
"Ultimately, who gives a shit?"...
Nick Johnson Keeps Alive Most Impressive Streak In Sports, Goes On DL
Orioles 1B/DH/ticking time bomb Nick Johnson left Wednesday's game after feeling pain in his right wrist, and after an MRI yesterday was placed on the 15-day DL. Finally! The season's nearly half-over, and we were getting worried that Johnson might finally, after 13 years in MLB, make it through a s...
Jets Owner Woody Johnson Is An Expert On Constitutional Law, In His Mind
Woody Johnson is the Jets owner, a big Mitt Romney fundraiser, and a complete moron....
Pucks, Lies, And Videotape: Where Is The Kings' Stanley-Cup-Winning Puck?
The last puck of the Stanley Cup Finals: an important relic, timeless for the player who gets to keep it as a souvenir of the greatest achievement of his profession life, yet strangely secondary. In the rush to celebrate the final horn, not a single member of the Kings gave a thought to that little ...
Is <em>USA Today</em>'s Veteran Gambling Guy Buying Twitter Followers?
Remember our old friend Sarah Phillips, the internet huckster and former ESPN columnist? One of her many tricks, we learned, was to buy followers on Twitter—a new scheme for a new era. The more followers you have, the more influence you can claim to have. In a monetized social-media landscape, the T...
Now That Peyton Manning's In Denver, Broncos Receivers Actually Have To Run Routes
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: With Tebow gone, Demaryius Thomas can't just improvise every play....
Benito Santiago's Niece Strikes Out 19 Boys In Six-Inning Little League Championship Game
Another parent calls her the "Michael Jordan" of Syracuse N.Y.'s Southside American Little League. She can fire a fastball more than 60 miles per hour, and she mixes in a cutter, slider, and change-up. She also plays shortstop, and her own batting average is higher than .600. For games, she wears he...
NFL Pushes Back Start Times, So No More Getting <em>Heidi</em>-ed By Your Own Team's Kickoff
I enjoy football. Do you enjoy football? If you do, you're going to be able to watch even more football, starting this season. Ten whole minutes more football! This is the greatest innovation since Sunday Night Football, which in turn was the greatest innovation since football. (Thursday Night Footb...
How To Build A 21st-Century Bullpen With Failed Hitting Prospects And A Radar Gun
Earlier this month, Sean Doolittle made his major-league debut for the Oakland Athletics. It wasn't an obviously momentous event: The left-hander took the mound with two outs in the top of the fifth, with the A's trailing Texas 5-0. He struck out Nelson Cruz to end the inning, then pitched a perfect...
Fortunately, ESPN Doesn't Speak Spanish
Here's a sign sported by some enthusiastic Spaniards before yesterday's Euro 2012 semifinal between Spain and Portugal and aired on ESPN before the match. It reads, basically, "Cristiano go fuck yourself, Froilán the Golden Boot."...
Prince Fielder Found Himself In A Rundown, And Somehow Emerged Safely
Prince Fielder hit the deck no fewer than three times during tonight's Tigers loss in Arlington to the Rangers, but did so no more bizarrely than here in which the portly first baseman ran his way out of a rundown, waving his arms like a man fleeing a burning building along the way....
This Video Of An Old Crimson Tide Fan Lip-Synching "Call Me Maybe" Is The Most Discomforting Thing Ever
From tipster William, with whom we will be forever angry with due to what he has exposed us to, comes the above video. The video depicts an elderly gentleman lip-synching to "Call Me Maybe," which is A Thing on YouTube these days, but this version goes beyond "Oh man this song is so stupid and ann...