ti Page 1632 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bronze Medal Ping Pong GOD Bravely Resigns From Goldman Sachs
By now, you may have already heard of Greg Smith, an executive director at Goldman Sachs who resigned his post today, and did so the way all filthy rich people do: via New York Times op-ed. And the greatest thing about Smith's editorial is that he manages to tuck his entire resume into the column:...
Octavio Dotel Could Have Rejoined The Defending Champions, Or Signed With An MLB-Record 13th Team. Guess Which He Chose.
Octavio Dotel is on his 13th different MLB team, and he's not even a crafty lefty. It's a record of longevity and effectiveness, if not irreplaceability, but it's a record nonetheless. Dotel is very aware of his own milestone, and has been for some time—putting it highest on his list of personal goa...
TV Station That Fell For Parody Of Hines Ward Signing With The Ravens Now Says He's "Returning To The Ice"
Pittsburgh's WPXI-TV meant to say Sidney Crosby, just like they never meant to say this....
The Shocking Proof That Tim Tebow and Tebowing Are Cosmically Linked
Tebowing! Remember those days, before the Linsanity smacked us all upside the head? Man, that was a fun time, what with all the kneeling and praying, sometimes near mountains, in utero, or on embarrassing holiday photos....
Today In An Angry White Guy Totally Tried To Crash A Bus When It Missed His Stop News
"According to deputies Robert Galantine, 49, grabbed the steering wheel twice while the bus was moving in an apparent attempt to get the driver to exit the freeway. Galantine reportedly believed the driver was supposed to exit and demanded he get off the freeway, Chacon told the OC Register. During...
Nike Masters Science Behind Human Cloning, Wastes It On Brazilian Soccer Players
On the one hand, it's nice to see that Nike's Phil Knight, the 47th richest person in the world, has finally found an interesting way to spend his insane amount of cash. But if you were going to clone any group of people, would Brazilian soccer players really be near the top of the list? I can onl...
Dwight Howard To Be Named Owner, President, CEO, Star Player Of The Orlando Howards
The Magic's strategy for keeping Dwight Howard is to try and land a star player before the trade deadline, in the hopes that Happy Dwight would want to stay in Orlando. It's risky, but it's probably their best and only hope. So that's fine....
This Is The Worst Shot In The NBA
Kirk Goldsberry is a geography professor at Michigan State and the man behind that wonderful visualization of every NBA shot attempt over the last five years. He's been applying his unique talents to CourtVision, an attempt to understand basketball through spatial analytics, and already his project ...
Philadelphia Goalkeeper Zac McMath's MLS Season Did Not Get Off To The Best Start
Major League Soccer kicked off this weekend, and with MLS Commissioner Don Garber in attendance, the Portland Timbers were eager to put on their best show in the home opener against Philadelphia Union last night. After falling behind 1-0, the Timbers' Andrew Jean-Baptiste knocked this goal past U...
Assemblyman Who Blocked MMA Legalization In New York (And Once Spoke In A Cerebral Palsy Voice) To Step Down
Good news on the politics front, MMA fans. New York assemblyman Bob Reilly, the human-size deer tick who toiled diligently to prevent MMA from being legalized in New York state, thereby keeping the sport underground and unregulated (not to mention unremunerative for the polis), is stepping down, acc...
Picking The NCAA Tournament By Following The Real Money
Every pick'em pool shows you who pickers are picking in the NCAA Tournament. But keep in mind those numbers include oblivious office drones choosing teams based on best mascot or uniform color. The smart bracket-filler-outer pays attention to the folks who really have something on the line: their ca...
Stephon Marbury Is Accused Of Sending A Chinese Fan To The Hospital During A Postgame Brawl Last Night, But He Denies It [UPDATE]
This has been a big year for basketbrawls in China. J.R. Smith's family raised hell, and so did the Georgetown Hoyas. But Stephon Marbury might have had a role in the biggest yet....
Add Tim Tebow To The Quarterback Carousel, Thanks To Peyton Manning
Shall we catch up on the weekend in Peyton Manning? ...
Clippers Broadcaster Michael Eaves Spends Commercial Break Talking About "Bums" And Naked Girls
The NBA's had some technical issues today in their network distributing the League Pass package and one of them let viewers in on the private thoughts of Los Angeles Clippers broadcaster Michael Eaves, who during a commercial break expounded upon the use of the word "bum" and addressed a too-quick...
Florida State, Vanderbilt, And Michigan State Are Going Dancing, But They Would Have Been Anyway
This brings to a close our series highlighting teams celebrating their conference championships, and like most televised entertainment, it comes to a somewhat anticlimactic end. Sure, FSU won the ACC for the first time ever, and Vanderbilt won the SEC tournament for the first time since 1951 (thou...
NBC Stalks Tiger Woods's Car With A Blimp; ESPN Asks If Peyton Manning Was Riding Shotgun
Tiger Woods dropped out of today's final round at the Cadillac Championship, citing leg trouble before he drove away. In an apparent attempt to ascertain the degree of injury based on his driving, the Peacock Net tasked its blimp with chasing Tiger's car as it escaped Doral. It's unclear what's b...
St. Bonaventure Is Going Dancing
The past ten years have been mostly forgettable for St. Bonaventure, the tenure's nadir being a 2-26 season in 2005 that came in the wake of scandal and suicide. Last season's 16-15 record was the first time the Bonnies finished above .500 since 2002, and their last NCAA appearance was in 2000....
New Mexico State Is Going Dancing
These truly are special times for the basketball-loving Land of Enchantment, with the Lobos running off with a Mountain West tourney win and now the Aggies from Las Cruces joining the party after their Saturday Night Special 82-57 drubbing of Louisiana Tech. [ESPN2]...
Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: Courage
This is a feature where we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
Mississippi Valley State Is Going Dancing
Congratulations to the Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils, who in beating Texas Southern 71-69 won the SWAC tournament and punched their ticket to the dance. [ESPNU]...