ti Page 874 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Andy Dalton Finds New, Miserable Low With Three Picks In Five Plays
The piece of shit Bengals got pantsed at home today by Gardner Minshew and the Jaguars, coughing up a narrow, early fourth-quarter lead and allowing Jacksonville to coast to a double-digit win. They are now 0-7. Nobody went to the game. Joe Mixon had 10 rushes for two yards, and non-QB rushers combi...
The Dolphins Are Still Finding New Ways To Embarrass Themselves
The Miami Dolphins’ turd carnival trucked up to Buffalo this weekend for a matchup with the rested, 4-1 Bills. Things got off to a predictably rough start as soon as the game started. On the second play from scrimmage, defensive tackle Christian Wilkins—who the Dolphins selected with the 13th overal...
Joe Burrow Showed His Ass And Broke A School Record
On a first-and-10 from his team’s 23-yard line, Joe Burrow, LSU quarterback and the current Heisman favorite, broke conventional football wisdom and took what might be the wisest sack of his career. Under normal circumstances, if a defender that’s trying to bring a player down is only hanging on by...
Wisconsin's First Loss Of The Season Came At The Hands Of...Illinois?
Right, so none of the things that happened were actually supposed to happen. The undefeated No. 6 Badgers were supposed to dismantle 2-4 Illinois. Jonathan Taylor, the best running back in the country, was supposed to front Wisconsin’s first-rate ground game. Illinois, winless against Big Ten oppone...
Ohio Recovers Onside Kick Booted Off Opposing Receiver's Helmet
What’s that? You want some MACtion? Oh, I’ll give you MACtion. The Ohio Bobcats had just scored a touchdown in the final minute of the second quarter to tie it up 24-24 with Kent State. Ohio kicker Michael Farkas, schooled in the ways of physics, hit Kent State wide receiver Isaac Vance right in the...
Video Shows Former Oregon Receiver Keanon Lowe Disarming, Hugging Suicidal Student
Former Oregon Ducks wide receiver Keanon Lowe was heralded as a hero back in May when it was reported that he brought down a would-be school shooter before anyone at a Portland high school could get hurt. Video of the incident has since been released because of a public records request from KOIN 6 i...
Liga MX Club Allows Two Uncontested Goals While Protesting Unpaid Wages
As part of a protest Friday, players from Liga MX club Veracruz refused to play their match against Tigres for four minutes and 20 seconds of game time. The demonstration was in response to financial neglect from the club’s ownership, which still owes players up to six months in wages. Tigres player...
Giancarlo Stanton And His Bum Quad Will Try To Save The Yankees
This postseason, the New York Yankees are 4-0 when Giancarlo Stanton gets into the game, and 0-3 when he does not. The lack of Stanton’s bat in the lineup isn’t the only reason the Yankees are down 3-1 to the Astros in the ALCS, but it’d certainly help to have him at DH instead of Edwin Encarnacion....
Chicago's Strike Is For The Children
CHICAGO, Ill. — By Monday, you could tell it was coming. It had been building for months, of course, but by 2:00 Monday afternoon, at the big rally downtown at the Chicago Temple, you could see that the momentum had grown into a force that was ready to explode, like a race horse inside a starting ga...
A Brief Interview With A Novice Climber Who Comfortably Scaled A Replica Of Trump's Border Wall
Donald Trump is confident that the wall along the southern border—which was the central promise of his presidential campaign, and which is slowly, stupidly, expensively, illegally, taking shape—cannot be scaled. “We got climbers. We had 20 mountain climbers,” the president burbled last month. “That’...
These Michigan Student Section Shirts Were Free, But How Many Millions Are They Worth Now?
I’ll maintain that, given the amount of long-term punishment these shirts have all taken, they remain in perfectly acceptable shape. Every one of the Michigan student section shirts appraised for this episode of Antiques Shitshow has survived sweaty pregames, freezing-cold waits in line, and the ele...
Claressa Shields's Brother Charged With Assaulting Ivana Habazin's Trainer
Claressa Shields’s older brother was the man behind the assault that forced promoters to cancel a fight between the former Olympic champion and Ivana Habazin, Genesee County Prosecutor David Leyton announced Wednesday. Artis Jaquel Mack, Shields’s 28-year-old brother, was charged with one count of a...
Why NFL Officiating Is Such A Shitshow Right Now
Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but the NFL is having officiating problems. This year’s crop of rules controversies has a little bit of everything, from inscrutable procedures and points of emphasis that seem to change on a whim to inexperience within the ranks to the role of technology and the...
The Washington Nationals Are The Team Of Destiny, Until They're Not
For the entirety of their brief existence in the nation’s capital, the Washington Nationals have been too insignificant or too lousy or too unlucky or too self-defeating to hate. This is not to say that I haven’t figured out various ways to do it over the years, but also I am not without some intere...
Report: One Of Rudy Giuliani's Ukraine Cronies Was Once Sued By The Miami Heat
Now that Lev Parnas, one of Rudy Giuliani’s henchmen and a member of Trump’s inner circle, has been arrested and charged with manipulating the American electoral system and funneling Russian money into U.S. elections, all sorts of details are emerging and reemerging about his slimy little life....
Oh Great, La Liga Is Trying To Bring A Regular Season Game To Miami Again
A year ago, the dipshits in charge of Spain’s top soccer league and some dipshits on the American sports marketing scene conked their little pea-brains together and came up with a 15-year contract that would see one La Liga match played in the United States every season. Because the parties involved...
Taylor Phinney Refused To Let One Horrible Crash Define Him
American cyclist Taylor Phinney retired yesterday at age 29, ending a decade of professional racing. Phinney’s career is defined by two days in the saddle—one triumphant in 2012, and one tragic in 2014—but the moment that most illustrated Phinney’s talent as a bike rider came between those two poles...
Vince Carter Remains Vince Carter, Drains Threes Over Hapless Knicks
If you have not watched a Hawks game on TV lately, you may have missed a number of ESPN graphics reminding you incessantly and in various creative ways that Vince Carter is old, older than his team’s entire roster combined, old enough to be Trae Young’s dad’s dad, so old he played pickup with James ...
The USMNT Is An Absolute Joke, And It's All U.S. Soccer's Fault
There’s a good chance that a significant number of people reading this article weren’t even alive the last time Canada beat the United States in soccer, on April 2, 1985. Thirty-four years later, and almost exactly two years since the atrocity in Couva, the USMNT has once again fallen to our neighbo...
The Siege And Fall Of A Hoops Haven That Made All The Wrong Enemies
In Philadelphia, a ghost was born....