ti Page 945 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Trevor Rosenthal Pitching Update: Look Out!
Scattershot Nationals reliever Trevor Rosenthal was sent to the injured list back on April 26, two days after his last outing, another alarming disasterpiece in what is shaping up to be a nightmare of a season. The official line at the time was that Rosenthal had a stomach virus that caused weight l...
Some Good And Practical Ideas For Making Sure The Spelling Bee Never Ends In An Eight-Way Tie Again
Did you know that eight different children won the National Spelling Bee last night? Yeah, eight! A tween octet spelled 47 words correctly in a row, and because the Spelling Bee got rid of tiebreakers this year after having them in written form for the last two years, they all have to share in an un...
Scottie Pippen Adds Preschooler To Pending Tenant Lawsuit, Alleging Crayon Abuses
Scottie Pippen has added a 5-year-old child to a tenant lawsuit alleging that Pippen’s Fort Lauderdale, Florida home was wrecked up and defiled by, among other things, chaotic crayon and marker scribblings....
What Happened To All The Interesting Refs?
One of the nerdier things a basketball fan can do at 9 a.m. Eastern Weirdo Time is to go to the NBA website and glom onto the identities of the officials who will work whatever game interests you True, NBA ref nerddom is an exceedingly small subset of Nerdvania, but let a thousand sets of hipster gl...
Rick Pitino Has Had It With These Greek Fans Smoking During His Basketball Games
Disgraced former Louisville Cardinals basketball coach Rick Pitino has spent the past six months or so coaching in Greece, where he’s finding success leading Panathinaikos in the Greek League. It’s a madcap new life filled with unfamiliar new experiences, as detailed in this article from The Ringer ...
England's FA Hopes Internet Shaming Will Prevent The Lads From Acting Like Absolute Knobs
The most recent instance of English lads descending on the Iberian peninsula for a soccer match ended up making international news after a Brit shoved an old man into a fountain. So it makes sense that England’s Football Association would want to stop any such debacle in its tracks as the Three Lio...
Pirates Broadcaster Says Derek Dietrich's Dead Grandpa Would Be Ashamed Of His Home Run Celebrations
This feels like an overreaction. ...
Hear Me Out: Infinite-Field Baseball Games
A few weeks ago, I was reading this interview with architectural critic Paul Goldberger about baseball stadiums in America when I stumbled upon a reminder from Goldberger that doubles as a breathtaking conversation piece for stoners all across the land:...
Spanish Soccer Team Celebrates Promotion With Awkward Postgame Strip Tease
With their season-capping win on Saturday, soccer club Esportiu Llançà won promotion from Catalonia’s third division (Spain’s seventh tier overall) to its second. To celebrate the team going up, one of the club’s board members arranged for a stripper to enter the locker room after the game and drop ...
Carl Gunnarsson's Pissing Prediction Led To A Boston Pee Party
“Tonight it was hard, so I’m happy about that,” Oskar Sundqvist said, and he was talking about a shot, thank goodness. Specifically, teammate Carl Gunnarsson’s OT goal to give the Blues a 3-2 win and knot up the Stanley Cup Final at a game apiece....
Royals-White Sox Beef Gains New Life As Pitcher Tossed For Hitting Tim Anderson In The Head
The beef between White Sox shortstop and good bat-flipper Tim Anderson and the Kansas City Royals reared its ugly head again Wednesday night, when Anderson was plunked in the helmet in the second inning by Royals starter Glenn Sparkman. In an effort to get out ahead of any escalating hostility, home...
Kaapo Kakko Is A Good Teen Who's Too Busy Partying To Go To The NHL Combine
The World Championships were a coming-out party for Kaapo Kakko, who spent the last year tearing up Finland’s top pro league, before proving on an international stage that he can do more than just hang with the world’s best. The 18-year-old winger lit up Worlds for six goals in 10 games as Finland t...
One Of The NL's Best Sluggers Isn't On The All-Star Ballot
Brand-new Cincinnati Red Derek Dietrich is smashing the hell out of the baseball in the early part of the season, quickly going from Marlins Castoff On Minor League Contract to elite pinch-hitting threat to must-start infielder in just a few weeks. After his titanic three-dinger performance against ...
Daniele De Rossi Was Roma, Until The Very End
Daniele De Rossi’s Roma career ended with a fittingly meaningless win in front of his adoring fans. More than any other player in this current era of the Giallorossi, De Rossi symbolized the duality of the team’s good-but-not-quite-good-enough nature. In his 17 seasons at the Italian capital, De Ros...
78 Seconds Of Batshit Argentine Soccer Features Violent Tackles, Tears, Unconscionable Flopping
Argentine soccer is plagued by a bullshit macho culture where the biggest sin is losing and the biggest virtue is lunging about, heedlessly throwing your body into as many opponents as possible to prove how large your testicles are. For a short clip demonstrating the anarchic, violent, dive-y style ...
Tim Tebow Chooses To Watch, Stand Fast In The Faith, And Strike Out Looking Against Position Player
When we last checked in with Tim Tebow, he was preparing for professional life full of Triple-A baseball and a personal life full of matrimonial sex. Tebow and his fiancée still haven’t officially tied the knot, so the sex is still on hold, as is the progress of his baseball career. Tebow has been e...
Marlins Cast-Off Derek Dietrich Is Now A Mashing God For The Reds
Derek Dietrich came to the Cincinnati Reds over the winter via a minor league contract, after playing the first six years of his career with the Miami Marlins. This all transpired with very little fanfare, in part because Dietrich has never been an especially consequential player. Before now, that i...
<i>Sports Illustrated</i> Bosses Insist To Staff That Being Sold To Necrophilic Brand Enthusiasts Is Good
For 65 years, Sports Illustrated has persisted in narrowly covering sports, neglecting those who would like to, say, have their prostates examined in SI-branded medical clinics by doctors wearing SI-branded lab coats, or drape themselves in SI-branded bikinis, or eat an SI-branded hot dog at their k...
Dustin Pedroia Has Officially Entered Pre-Retirement Limbo
Dividing baseball players up into types used to be easy—you had your goatee guys and your non-goatee guys. But in this age of increasing specialization and aesthetic proliferation, that work has become more difficult. You’ve got your Beardo Hunter Guys, your Orange County Tattoo Dudes, a whole grim ...
Odubel Herrera Arrested For Suspected Domestic Violence
Multiple outlets are reporting that Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Odubel Herrera was arrested Monday night after police responded to a report of domestic violence in Atlantic City, New Jersey....