ti Page 949 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Vile Celtics Are Dead And I'm So Happy
It was going to be so bad, man....
Chilean Goalkeeper Boner Proves You Should Never Tempt The Laws Of Physics
Goalkeeper boners come in all shapes, sizes, and crookedness, but sometimes, you just can’t compete with physics, as Club Deportivo Palestino goalie José Ignacio González found out on Tuesday night....
Goateed Doofus Aubrey Huff Whines About Athletes Sharing Political Opinions, Shares Political Opinions
Aubrey Huff, former baseball player and current man who could not possibly be more “divorced but doing great,” seems to be making a post-career pivot into the “angrily recording political rants from unflattering angles” school of punditry. He’s previously raved on Twitter about how Trump is great an...
Paul Pierce Has Spent The Last Day Rotating Over The Flame Like A Rotisserie Chicken
Paul Pierce played his last NBA minute over two years ago. His absence made no hearts grow fonder. Last night, while the Bucks drained the last drops of blood out of the Celtics’ season, Milwaukee’s arena lit up with a “Paul Pierce sucks” chant....
Jackie Bradley Jr.'s Latest Insane Feat Is Robbing A Walk-Off Dong
Wednesday’s Red Sox-Orioles game was much more eventful than you might expect from a game featuring a Red Sox team climbing back from a rotten start and, well, the Orioles, who are trash. Chris Sale took a no-hitter into the sixth inning; later, after losing the no-no, Sale took out his frustration ...
Tim Bontemps of ESPN has just an extremely satisfying summary of Kyrie Irving’s 2018–2019 season as the leader and guiding brain genius of this underperforming Celtics squad. As a good and righteous person who justifiably loathes all Boston sports teams, reading it will make you feel like a million ...
The Bucks Humanely Sent The Celtics To The Rainbow Bridge
In the third quarter of Wednesday night’s Celtics-Bucks game, the Celtics half-heartedly swarmed a Giannis Antetokounmpo-Eric Bledsoe pick and roll at the top of the key, and Giannis smartly dumped a little bounce pass to Bledsoe on the short roll, where he could attack a scrambled Celtics defense. ...
She's Got The Strength, But Who Has The Power?
JayCee Cooper was looking forward to her first sanctioned USA Powerlifting meet in her home state of Minnesota when she received word, just a month before the event, that she wouldn’t be allowed to compete....
Mike Fiers Threw A Most Improbable And Very Oakland A's No-Hitter
For the second MLB season in a row, an A’s pitcher has thrown the first no-hitter of the season. That’s a rather unusual feat, given that the A’s rotation has been so famously dinged-up that they opted for a bullpen start in last year’s Wild Card game, but there was plenty about Mike Fiers’s no-no l...
Anthony Rendon Responds To Ejection With Facts And Logic
Nationals slugger Anthony Rendon has previously demonstrated his willingness to call out an MLB umpire over a bad call. When Marty Foster ejected Rendon for no good reason back in 2018, he lamented how there’s “no accountability” for umpires whose mistakes can be clearly seen from overhead and repla...
We Demand More Overtimes
The best overtime game of the Stanley Cup Playoffs was the Denver-Portland game Friday night. All glory and honor to Blues-Stars Game 7 Tuesday night, which certainly did its best, combining multiple overtimes with the additional sparkle of not just sudden death but expulsion, but it remains the sil...
Disgraced Racist "British" Political PR Doofus From Seattle: I'm A Cowboy
If you’re familiar with catastrophically incompetent Republican politics and PR doofus Liz Mair at all, first of all I’m so sorry about your brain worms problem. But also, it’s likely you recall her viral Twitter meltdown in January, when she posted an insane, racist gripe about Spanish-speaking peo...
One Of The Top Voices For Women In Sports Doesn't Think Caster Semenya Is A Woman
It’s difficult to talk about women in sports without talking about the work of Nancy Hogshead-Makar. She won three gold medals as a swimmer in the 1984 Olympics, and that’s possibly the lesser part of her résumé given what she’s done since. She’s spent decades advocating for equality for women in sp...
Prosecutors Ask Judge To Hold Robert Kraft's Defense Lawyers In Contempt Of Court
In a motion filed Tuesday, Palm Beach County prosecutors asked the judge in Robert Kraft’s prostitution solicitation case to hold two of Kraft’s lawyers in contempt of court. The motion claims that two of the New England Patriots owner’s attorneys, Alex Spiro and William Burck, intentionally made a ...
FC Cincinnati's Fired Coach Is The Latest Casualty Of MLS's Misguided Expansion Strategy
After seven winless games in a row, in which the team looked worse than bad, the FC Cincinnati brain trust has mercifully fired manager Alan Koch, replacing him with assistant Yoann Damet in the interim, while conducting a proper search for a permanent replacement. The club put out a statement on Tu...
Milwaukee's Bench Broke Boston's Will
By the latter part of the fourth quarter of last night’s home game against the Milwaukee Bucks, the Boston Celtics had all but disbanded on the court. Milwaukee’s Giannis Antetokounmpo was rampaging to the rim on virtually every possession; the Celtics had given up on helping each other defensively,...
Giannis Antetokounmpo Is The Most Demoralizing Man In The NBA
These here Boston Celtics seem dead, filleted and breaded and fully cooked, and their feeble attempts to bridge a series of late deficits last night strongly suggested that, one recent example of a blown 3-1 lead notwithstanding, this is a mentally broken basketball team with one single game betwee...
Diego Godín Was The da Vinci Of The Atlético Madrid Renaissance
On Tuesday, one of the great artists of defensive, shithousing soccer decided to call an end to one of the most remarkable runs of European success in recent memory. Diego Godín, the Goliath in defense and scorer of many a clutch goal, will leave Atlético Madrid at the end of the current season, rep...
The Celtics Appear To Be In The Deepest Of Doo Doo
The Celtics are left with a couple bad omens from Game 4, which ended Monday night with Boston fans booing their team off the court at the end of a pivotal 113–101 loss. Apart, that is, from the fact that the Bucks are now in a commanding 3–1 series lead, with Game 5 back in Milwaukee, where the Buc...
Orioles Fan Experiences Embarrassment, Elation, Denial, And Resignation After Interfering With Live Ball
In the bottom of the first inning of Monday’s Red Sox-Orioles game, Jonathan Villar lifted a long fly ball to left field, where J.D. Martinez tracked it to the wall. The wall seemed to sneak up on Martinez a little bit, and he was unable to make the catch, with the ball dropping and Villar racing to...