ti Page 962 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Justice Department Is Investigating How The FBI Fucked Up Its Larry Nassar Investigation
The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that the U.S. Department of Justice is conducting a probe into how the FBI mismanaged its investigation into sexual abuse allegations made against former Michigan State and USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar. Thiis comes after the FBI conducted its own inte...
FanSided, <i>Sports Illustrated's</i> Slimy Appendage, Reeks Of Exploitation
In 2015, Time Inc., the listing titan of 20th-century publishing, bought FanSided—a network of more than 300 sport- and team-centric blogs producing the sort of easily digestible and SEO-friendly posts that exist purely to show up near the top in Google searches—and attached it to their legacy publi...
Uganda's Answer To Rob Ford Is Somehow Even Less Athletic<em></em>
Moses Ali is the 79-year-old first deputy prime minister of Uganda. He is also enormously fat and wildly unathletic. Following in the footsteps of another politician who possessed a considerable girth and a dearth of athleticism, Ali embarrassed himself while trying to execute a routine physical mot...
I'm Tired Of Hearing About The 2008 Celtics!<em></em>
Many many years ago, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Rajon Rondo were coworkers in Boston. Doc Rivers was their coach. They won the 2008 NBA championship together; then, later, some of them went on to work in other places. Some of them don’t really like each other. They don’t all come to ...
José Abreu Needed Emergency Surgery To Save A "Strangled" Testicle
White Sox first baseman José Abreu hasn’t played in a couple weeks, a result of an ambiguous outpatient “lower abdominal surgery” he reportedly underwent on August 20. Hernioplasty? Appendectomy? A testicle that twisted around and became tangled up in its own [passes out cold]:...
USA Gymnastics Boss Kerry Perry Is Forced Out After Nine Scandal-Plagued Months
Kerry Perry, we hardly knew ya. This is mostly because in the nine months that you were in charge of USA Gymnastics, you avoided the media like it was the plague and you had a high deductible health insurance plan. But just because Perry, who was asked to resign by USAG’s board on Tuesday, never rea...
People Are Destroying Their Nike Gear Because Of Colin Kaepernick
Colin Kaepernick is the new face of a Nike ad campaign. As you might imagine, this has really angered the type of people who have said, “I’m a Christian first, and a conservative second” out loud at the dinner table. And if there’s one thing you can expect from these people, it’s that they will go a...
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...
So I Guess We're Blaming The Buffalo Bills For Acts Of Domestic Terrorism?
The premise of this breathtakingly insane Politico article really is—swear to God—that Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City because the Buffalo Bills couldn’t win a Super Bowl. The author attempts to say otherwise, but he also says this:...
Fancy Dog Tom Brady Is A Bad Dog!
Longtime Vikings trainer Fred Zamberletti died Sunday morning, at the age of 86. Zamberletti served in some capacity within the Vikings organization from 1961 to this year, holding down the job of senior consultant and team historian since 2002. Randy Moss, who started his Hall of Fame career with t...
Elena Delle Donne Balled The Fuck Out On One Leg To Keep The Mystics' Postseason Alive
A standout playoff performance from a former MVP in a do-or-die game isn’t exactly outside of the realm of normalcy—but it is if that player only has one knee at full strength....
Nick Saban Apologizes To ESPN Reporter Maria Taylor For Chewing Her Out Over Harmless Quarterback Question
ESPN sideline reporter Maria Taylor asked Alabama head coach and general grump Nick Saban to assess his quarterbacks’ performance after Alabama’s 51-14 blowout of Louisville Saturday night. It was a perfectly reasonable question, and Saban responded like she’d asked him to choose which of his childr...
Elena Delle Donne Will Somehow Start Game 4 After Nasty Knee Injury
Elena Delle Donne is listed as a starter for the Washington Mystics in their do-or-die Game 4 semifinal matchup against the Atlanta Dream Sunday afternoon. I am sure you will join me in saying please don’t make me watch the video of her knee bending backwards like al dente linguine again....
Atletico Madrid B Captain Takes Bite Out Of New Real Madrid Signing
When 18-year-old Brazilian forward Vinícius Júnior was signed to Real Madrid on a €45 million transfer this summer, there was probably some expectation on his end that his footballing life would change for the better....
Joe West Gums Up Phillies' Strategy With Textualist Reading Of Foreign Substance Rule
A strange thing happened in the eighth inning of Saturday night’s Cubs-Phillies game. Veteran umpire Joe West, working third base, noticed Phillies reliever Austin Davis pull a notecard out of his back pocket before pitching to Addison Russell, and decided he needed to know more, and brought the gam...
USA Gymnastics Is Imploding
For a brief moment after last month’s national championships, it seemed like things were getting better, if only slightly, for USA Gymnastics. We had the return of gymnastics juggernaut known as Simone Biles, who demonstrated that nine months of training is all she needs to become unstoppable in the...
Aaron Boone Tops Ron Gardenhire In Battle Of Colorful Manager Meltdowns
Jordan Zimmermann was working on a no-hitter in the bottom of the fifth inning Friday night when home plate umpire Nic Lentz gave him a strike against Gleyber Torres on a fastball that sure looked like it missed off the inside of the plate. Yankees manager Aaron Boone, who was apparently already dis...
Gio González Takes A Break From Weeping To Reassure Brewers PR People: "But I'm Happy! I Am Happy."
The Nationals traded lefty starter Gio Gonzalez to the Milwaukee Brewers on Friday, the last day that players can move between teams and remain eligible to play in the postseason. Gonzalez has been in Washington since 2012; during that time he’s gotten married, had a couple kids, and entrenched hims...
Let's Remember Some Guys: WCW With Nick Aldis Part II
May 19, 1990 was WCW’s Capital Combat pay-per-view, and the event was promoted with an added bonus: RoboCop himself would be there. The tagline for the show was actually “Return of Robocop,” though RoboCop hadn’t really appeared in wrestling before. But RoboCop 2 opened a month later. The poster fo...
This Is The Stupidest Shit On The Entire Internet
A few weeks ago, I learned about a dystopian gathering called OzyFest where people paid real American dollars to gaze longingly at thinkfluencers and hear soup-brained psychopaths like Karl Rove host panels. The Silicon Valley–funded Ozy—which is somehow not an incisive performance art piece about o...