ti Page 972 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Children's Book Is Messed Up: <i>The Story Of Babar</i>
The Babar I remember from childhood was a jolly elephant who goes on adventures. Somehow that’s all I took with me into adulthood from early readings of The Story of Babar by Jean de Brunhoff (and his wife Cécile, who first told their children the story at bedtime), a children’s classic that spurred...
What's Your Greatest Live Sports Regret?
A good tweet from our deceased former colleague Cerebral Commie Aisle about the perils of leaving a game too early—...
Anthem Respecter Jerry Jones Doesn't Even Respect The Anthem By His Own Standards
Last week, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and his son Stephen boasted about the team’s expectations that every player stand for the pregame national anthem, or otherwise find himself out of a job. Dallas-based sportscaster Dale Hansen of ABC affiliate WFAA called out Jones for his intimidation tactics, a...
A Two-Win Team Won The Arena Football League Title
The Washington Valor won the ArenaBowl on Saturday night, beating the Baltimore Brigade, 69-55, to capture the 31st title of the Arena Football League. Arvell Nelson led the way for the Valor with five rushing touchdowns and three TDs through the air. ...
The Value Of Public Shaming
The bad old tweets are an increasingly permanent component of the news cycle: An athlete does something good—has a good run of appearances, or gets drafted, or, say, loses a no-hitter with two strikes to go—and someone looks up his very old (and very public) tweets, which are racist and/or homophobi...
Simone Biles Cruises To A Win In Her Return To Competition
Simone Biles won four gold medals and a bronze at the 2016 Olympics, solidifying her position as the greatest female gymnast of all time. Those wins came at the end of an Olympic cycle that saw Biles completely dominate the sport by winning three consecutive world all-around titles, four straight na...
Craven Columnist: Various Circus Clowns Say Jimmy Garoppolo Should Not Date A Porn Actress
Several great-grandparents were deeply scandalized this month by the revelation that 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo had dinner with porn actress Kiara Mia, despite it being 2018 and there just being nothing lamer than wringing your hands over the social life of a fucking football player....
Outfielder Carlos Gomez Takes Mound, Pitches Exactly Like Non-Pitcher
The position-player-as-pitcher trend continues piling up numbers at a record pace. Three more position players took the mound Friday night; the total across MLB is now up to 45, by far the most ever for a full season, and it’s still July. One of the recent unfortunate fellows was Rays outfielder Ca...
Malcolm Jenkins Calls Jerry Jones A "Bully" Who's Intimidating His Players To Stand For Anthem
Even though the NFL and its players’ union agreed this month to negotiate a better national anthem policy and not enforce the wholly unappealing one introduced in May, the Dallas Cowboys are going their own way. Team owner Jerry Jones said this week that he expects all his players to stand for the a...
Simone Biles Makes The Absurd Look Routine<em></em>
Simone Biles is set to return to competition this weekend at the U.S. Classic in Columbus, Ohio. And in the podium training session today, she showed that she’s set to pick up right where she left off at the Olympics—by winning everything in dominant fashion with incredible skills that virtually no ...
The Oakland A's Pulled Off Yet Another Stupidly Fun Comeback
The Oakland A’s are seemingly incapable of winning in a boring fashion. The team has spent the last week finding outlandish ways to victories, such as winning two straight walk-offs against the dreaded Giants, coming back from an eight-run deficit to win by three, and hanging 15 runs on the poor Ran...
Jameis Winston Says He Has "Grown And Learned" From The Experience Of Grabbing An Uber Driver's Crotch
Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston will miss the first three games of the upcoming season after being suspended for groping an Uber driver. As part of the terms of the suspension, Winston apologized to the driver for “the position he put her in.” All this came after Winston initially denied the d...
The Passion Of Dr. Narwhals Mating
With Drew still loose in the rustic wilds of Maine—we have received credible and deeply disturbing reports of him scampering up scenic mountains and devouring crustacean-centric meals in ways that horrified bystanders—the Deadcast casts its gaze back upon past glory this week. There’s a lot of glory...
Lawyers For Larry Nassar Say Judge Was Biased, Ask For Resentencing
Defense lawyers for disgraced former USA Gymnastics and Michigan State doctor Larry Nassar have asked that he get a new sentencing hearing in one of his criminal cases because, the lawyers believe, the judge who oversaw it made numerous statements that showed she had made up her mind beforehand. The...
National Anthem Controversies Don't Get More Soul-Sucking Than This
Here is a story from the Alaskan hinterlands about an extremely shitty woman who tried to shame a college summer league baseball player and his team on Facebook for failing to properly respect the national anthem. That such a woman exists and would act in such a way is neither surprising nor all tha...
UFC Interim Title Belts Don't Mean Shit
Last night, the UFC announced that welterweight champion and master of winning 25-minute staring contests Tyron Woodley will defend his title belt against pluckish undefeated British lad Darren Till. While Till’s near-life-threatening weight cut is a warning sign that he really should not fight at 1...
God Help Me, I'm Starting To Believe In The A's Again
The A’s have won four games in a row, three of them in extra innings. They’ve hit four homers in the last three, for the first time in club history. They’ve won seven straight series, including three over teams leading their divisions. Matt Chapman is sixth in the league in wins above replacement. T...
Report: Celtics Assistant Coach Jerome Allen Allegedly Bribed By Accused Medicare Fraudster While At Penn
A Miami Beach business executive charged with running a billion-dollar Medicare fraud scheme allegedly bribed then-Quakers head coach and current Celtics assistant Jerome Allen to get his son admitted to the University of Pennsylvania, according to a new indictment reported by the Miami Herald:...
Cardinals Rookie's No-Hitter Broken Up By Fire Alarm, Joey Votto<em></em>
For the second night in a row, a Cardinals debutante starter took a no-hitter into the seventh inning. But this time, the Cincinnati Reds’ ballpark was ready to shut that shit down. Following up on Daniel Poncedeleon’s wonderful seven innings of no-hit ball in his debut on Monday, Austin Gomber thre...
The Third Congressional Hearing Into The Larry Nassar Scandal Was Just More Political Theater
The Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation convened today its third hearing looking into the Larry Nassar scandal, as well as the people and institutions that enabled him to sexually abuse athletes for years under the guise of medical treatment. This one, entitled “Strengthening a...