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We Need To Talk About How We Talk About John Calipari
The New York Times, a grandfather clock that tells you what time it was five minutes ago, roused itself to a state of drowsy confusion on Tuesday to recount Kentucky coach John Calipari's long history of violating NCAA rules and escaping consequences....

Bill Walton's Reddit AMA Was As Wacky As You'd Expect
Bill Walton took to Reddit yesterday to answer a bunch of questions, and befitting a guy who once asked "Have you ever been to a volcano?" to his broadcasting partner to end a 30 second tangent about Las Vegas, the questions were weird and his answers were weirder. The volcano even made an appeara...

First-Ever Football Sideline Reporter Sentenced To 2-4 Years For Fraud
The first-ever football sideline reporter was sentenced to two to four years in a Pennsylvania state prison Wednesday. Don Tollefson—who was hired by ABC Sports in 1974 along with Jim Lampley after a nationwide talent search for someone to "represent the face and voice of the American college stud...

Aaron Baddeley Hits Hole-In-One On Par 4, Only Earns A Birdie
For only the second time in PGA tour history, a golfer has hit a tee shot into the hole on a par 4. Unfortunately for Aaron Baddeley, the shot came after he took an unplayable lie from his first attempt and ended up with just a birdie on the TPC San Antonio 17th hole....

Rejoice! Alonzo Mourning Says "Who Wants To Sex Mutombo?" Happened!
Today is a great day! It's been almost a year since Dikembe Mutombo went on Highly Questionable and shot down one of the greatest urban legends in sports, denying that he ever walked into a club and shouted, "Who wants to sex Mutombo?" Today, those of us who have held on to the hope that Mutombo was...

Wichita State Knows What It's Doing On Offense. At Least One Team Does.
The Wichita State Shockers are impressive for a lot of reasons—their beatdown of geographic rival Kansas and top-10 defense, or for the simple possibility that they can trade punches with Kentucky in a tournament rematch, should WSU defeat Notre Dame later tonight. But at the minimum, praise Gregg M...

1931 Op-Ed Eviscerates "Hypocrisy ... Utter Cowardice" Of College Sports
It's heartening to realize that the general sentiment toward the scam that is collegiate amateurism seems to have come around to the Death To The NCAA worldview. What's gone unappreciated, though, is just how long the fight to expose the fraudulent governance of amateur sports has been going on. The...

Closed Captioning Error Blesses Nik Stauskas With Fantastic Nickname
Something wonderful happened during Tuesday night’s game between the 76ers and Kings. Sacramento rookie shooting guard Nik Stauskas hit a pull-up three, and the closed captioning translated the play-by-play call of “Stauskas, hitting the three” into “Sauce Castillo hit the three.” Sauce Castillo!...

How To Lift Weights: A Primer In Primacy
Lifting weights should be simple. You go to a place with a bunch of metal and pick it up and put it down until you look like The Incredible Hulk. But weightlifting—like any other worthwhile pursuit—requires study, planning, and care to succeed at, which sucks....


Wisconsin's Nigel Hayes Caught By Hot Mic, Nearly Dies Of Embarrassment
Nigel Hayes has already endeared himself to the world through his adorable obsession with the NCAA tournament stenographer. Now well-versed in the ways of stenography, Hayes spent part of yesterday's press conference learning a valuable lesson about hot mics....

Soccer Team Gets Scored On While Busy Celebrating Their Goal
If you've ever wondered why soccer players celebrate goals in the opponent's half of the field, well it's mostly because all of them except the goalkeeper are already there. But it's also because the other team cannot kickoff while there are opposing players in their half. This is something the al...

Pants-Pooping Florida RB Says Pooping His Pants Helped His Career
During the Birmingham Bowl back in January, Florida running back Adam Lane pooped his pants during play. You can see the evidence above. Pretty embarassing, right? Not so said Lane in an interview today, as transcribed by The Alligator’s Richard Johnson:...

Michael Jackson's Moonwalk Is Old Enough To Be Somebody's Ornery Dad
This day in 1983 was the taping of the Motown 25 TV special. It was a great night, with performances from Stevie Wonder, a reunion for the Supremes, and a rare TV appearance from Marvin Gaye. But it was also an important night, because it was witness to a huge transformation. It was the first time M...

Tom Coughlin Wants His Dang Phone's "Lady In GPS" To Shut Up
Giants head coach Tom Coughlin is 68 years old. Factoring his age in with his demanding job, no one's expecting him to be on the cutting edge of technology. And yet, Coughlin's anecdote about his inability to turn off Siri on his iPhone—or, "the lady in GPS"—is still fantastic:...

The Day A Shit-Talking Reggie Jackson Tore Apart The Yankees
This story was originally published in the June, 1977 issue of Sport. It also appears in the collection Renegades. It is republished here with permission, and includes a postscript from the author....

HOLY SHIT THAT ONE GUY FROM ONE DIRECTION QUIT
Holy fuck! Holy Christ goddamn! That one guy from One Direction quit! The weed dealer looking one! That one that did that thing with the hair! YOU KNOW THE ONE. No, not Harry. You fucking asshole. The other one. THE HOT ONE. I know they're ALL hot ones, but Zach (Is that his name? Wait, h...

How to Talk To Your New Girlfriend About Your Ex
First and foremost, congratulations on the decision to put your fuck parts together with another person's fuck parts in a more meaningful way than you were putting fuck parts together with others during the abysmal slog through Tinder you've been on since your break-up. Things are probably great: yo...

Local Beer Is Great, But Fresh Beer Is Better
I'm lukewarm on most traditional holidays, the ones that require shopping and showering and dancing around maypoles and/or respectful disbelief in the supernatural; some of these holidays come with ham and presents, but even then the risks can outweigh the rewards. I still consider myself a joyous...

Aaron Hernandez Is An Idiot, But He Still Might Get Away With Murder
You can get away with murder, you know. It's just easier for those of us who don't murder not to think about it. To some extent, it's baked into the system, one designed in theory (though not always in practice) to start out with a presumption of innocence. The other factors that come in usually...