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Llamas On Llam Llose Llawmen
A pair of lost llamas led Sun City, Ariz. cops on a lengthy chase this afternoon, tying up law enforcement resources and leaving the city free for plundering by the handful of criminals who weren't watching, rapt, in their offices. Watch the entire, hilarious pursuit here, set (of course) to "Yakety...

Chelsea To Fans: Guys, Please Don't Be Racist This Weekend
In contrast to the sentiment expressed by some fans in Paris last week, Chelsea feel that, though some of their fans may be racist, that is definitely not the way they like it. In light of this and this weekend's opponent, the club is threatening to come down hard on any supporters caught being raci...

Here Are Some Houston Astros Just Chillin' With An Albino Python
"Broooo, lookit the size of that sucker!" I imagine one of the Astros exclaiming when Sunshine the Albino Python was brought in the room. "Haha, you scared bro?" another one probably quipped. "Nuh uh! If Britney can rock one around her neck, so can I!"...

Giancarlo Stanton Will Wear This Cool Face Guard
Marlins slugger Giancarlo Stanton took a fastball to the face last September. It was a scary moment, breaking multiple bones and teeth and ending his season, and Stanton wants to make sure it never happens again. He's going to wear this custom helmet and protective face guard, beginning today....

The Penguins And Capitals Had Themselves A Nice Little Bench Brawl
The Penguins and Capitals were feeling a bit feisty last night, so much so that they decided have a scrap right on the Penguins' bench. I'm not sure if this qualifies as a true line brawl, but it's still pretty crazy....

Report: Josh Hamilton Had Relapse Involving "At Least Cocaine"
Angels outfielder Josh Hamilton had a relapse that involved "at least" cocaine, according to CBS's Jon Heyman:...

Rusney Castillo Has Some Nifty Hair
Red Sox outfielder Rusney Castillo showed up to today's spring-training practice with some elaborate hair. He's going to look so much faster when he runs now....

Madonna Crashes And Burns At BRIT Awards Ceremony
Tonight in London, Madonna put her love to the test at the BRIT Awards. Her love failed, or at least her legs did. Call it a wardrobe failure if you must, but this is Madonna eating it in the least graceful of ways....

Report: Josh Hamilton Facing "Disciplinary Issue"
Angels outfielder Josh Hamilton is meeting with MLB officials in New York over an unspecified "disciplinary issue," per Mike DiGiovanna of the Los Angeles Times. There aren't yet any details about what prompted the meeting, but the team is reportedly preparing for a punishment to be handed down....

If The Dez Bryant Video Exists, We'll Buy It
We do not know if there is actually video of Dez Bryant doing something very, very bad. If there is, we will pay money for it. ...

Damn, Man, Tim Howard Is Having One Sad-Ass Season
It's been less than a year since Tim Howard became America's World Cup hero, staring down an unrelenting Belgian attack and turning away 16 goddamn shots with the grim resolve of an action hero who's low on ammo. In fact, go ahead and watch each one of those beautiful, thrilling saves one more time....
![Once-Homeless RB Says He's Ineligible For Not Wanting To Be Homeless [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ndlobfvvv5ezhl1tt4dk.jpg)
Once-Homeless RB Says He's Ineligible For Not Wanting To Be Homeless [Update]
Baylor running back Silas Nacita became a fan favorite last season when he earned a walk-on roster spot with the Bears after spending a year at community college. Nacita got into Baylor with an academic scholarship, and at the time of his enrollment, he was homeless. According to Nacita, he has now ...

How To Pick The Perfect Engagement Ring Without Selling Your Kidneys
Shopping for an engagement ring has got to be one of the most angst-ridden things a grown-ass man can go through. Between worrying about the correct sizing, decoding the "one-sixth of your annual salary" thing, and, you know, trying to find a style that your soul mate will want to wear for the res...

That Time Someone Said Peyton Hillis Wanted To Retire And Join The CIA
Today, the New York Giants released Madden 12 cover athlete—good job, fans—and running back Peyton Hillis. Did you even know Hillis was still in the league? A better question: Do you remember when a rumor came out in March 2012 that Hillis, at that time a free agent, was considering retirement so he...

Goalkeeper Hops Into Stands To Throw Hands With Fan
Way down in the bowels of England's soccer pyramid lies the Isthmian League and teams like Kingstonian and Bognor Regis. This is the realm where players play for the love of the game, and fans attend for the love of the drink. Occasionally, the two sides collide....

Russell Wilson’s Ball-Bread Is Fucking Weird
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering failed romantic gestures, Oscar stuff, hamburgers and sex, and more....

Uh, Guys? I Think The Wizards Forgot To Fire Randy Wittman?
Coming into Sunday's game in Detroit, the Washington Wizards had lost two straight and 9 of 13, a month-long stretch of almost uniformly horrendous basketball in which they've fallen from second to fifth in the East. After the 38-point beating they took from the Cavs at home this past Friday, even t...

ESPN Suspends Keith Olbermann For Penn State Tweets
Last night, Keith Olbermann got into it on Twitter with Penn State fans and students—originally over, of all things, the school's annual pediatric cancer fundraiser. (His tweets are embedded below.) It was weird and unnecessary, and now ESPN has taken Olbermann off TV for the rest of the week....

Bill Self Gets Crushed By Court-Stormers, Is Not Pleased
Unranked Kansas State knocked off the in-state rival Jayhawks at home last night, and that means it was time for a good old-fashioned court stormin'. Unfortunately for Kansas head coach Bill Self, the students who ran onto the court weren't too concerned with his well-being....

Tommy Chong Didn't Teach Me Shit About Rolling A Joint
Tommy Chong's joint-rolling machine, the Chong Roller, produces a fine joint: cone-style, with a filter, and perfectly symmetrical. The end product is, indeed, quite a lovely thing....