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Vote, You Whiners: Round 1 Of The Bitchy Bracket
Read the intro here and start voting below. You have until 5 p.m. EDT tomorrow. Here's where to vote for the second half of Round 1....
Who Are The Bitchiest, Most Defensive Fans In America?
Not long ago, our Billy Haisley wrote a post shitting on Major League Soccer. When you rip on American soccer, you can rest assured that a tidal bore of American soccer fanboy defensiveness is headed your way. It's almost as if they're all huddled together outside your house, waiting behind the shr...
How A UVa Fan Bluffed His Way Into The Huddle At The ACC Title Game
At halftime of Virginia's ACC tournament semifinal, Danny had an idea. He noticed all the Cavaliers staff members hovering around the team, and discerned what exactly gave them to the power to roam freely around the court: a suit with a Virginia-orange tie. One day and one trip to Walmart later, Dan...
Tony Romo Spawns Future Frontman Of Weezer Cover Band
Tony Romo and his wife Candice welcomed their second child into the world yesterday, and they gave the tyke an...uh...interesting name....
Six Potential Cinderellas–And How They Can Win
We may not remember who won the NCAA tournament three years ago, but we can always recall the 14-seed that went to the Sweet 16. We love March Madness for the Cinderellas. Dedicated loyalty is fine for alumni, but the people who pay attention for three weeks each year could care less. The sleepers b...
Inside The Bum Phillips Opera. (Yes, There Is A Bum Phillips Opera.)
"Places, Old Lady!" the stage manager shouts. "Places, Hippie Pig!"...
What Are The Best Upset Picks In The First Round?
You may have noticed that the "expert brackets" we put together are mostly chalk, because they're picking the single most likely outcome of each individual game....
Is A No. 11 Seed Actually Among The Best Teams In The Country?
One of the quirks of college basketball is that we get to see only a brief audition of each team before the NCAA tournament begins. By the time the NBA playoffs start, there are 82 games' worth of data on each team, and each of those consists of 48 minutes. At the college level, teams entering the t...
Your Last-Minute Bracket Cheat Sheet: What All The Smart People Say
The "first" "round" of the NCAA tournament is underway, and the deadline for bracket submissions is fast approaching. To help you out with your last-minute picks, we took a look a seven March Madness/college hoops models, and used them to build out seven different "expert brackets."...
This Is A Painting Of George Washington Dunking On Kim Jong-un
Last month, Redditor fact_school_cat made a reasonable request. It read, in part,...
Browns WR Josh Gordon Has A Gigantic, Elaborate Back Tattoo
Koi. A geisha. His jersey number. Josh Gordon's tremendous back tattoo has all that, and more!...
Panthers' Shitty Offseason Gets Worse With Cam Newton's Ankle
Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton will undergo ankle surgery Wednesday. The recovery will keep him sidelined for an estimated four months, another piece of crappy news added to the pile that is Carolina's offseason....
Five-Year-Old Mutton Bustin' Rider Eats It
Sorry, soccer. Mutton bustin', in which small children feebly hold onto sheep until they're thrown into the dirt, is the only sport worthy of being called "The Beautiful Game." ...
Is Being Cursed To A "First Four" NCAA Game Actually A Blessing?
The NCAA men's Division I basketball tournament starts tonight in Dayton with two games, as it has since 2011, with another two tomorrow night. The "First Four"—imagined as a parallel to the Final Four, even though the former features eight teams and the latter, uh, four—has traditionally been seen ...
Reply Allpocalypse Ruins Deadspin Bracket Pool
Goddamnit, you guys....
25 Year After Bruce Pearl Narced On Him, Jimmy Collins Has Moved On
In case you were wondering: No, Jimmy Collins is not surprised by this....
Bees Invade Red Sox-Yankees Game; America Roots For Bees
This was not the bee attack we have long feared. This was merely another test. They are probing us, assessing our defenses, noting our responses, learning our weaknesses. The Great Man-Bee War is coming, but not today....
A March Madness Pool Scoring System That Doesn't Suck
Before we get to today's Funbag, a quick bit of news: I'll be singing the U.S. and Canadian anthems tonight at the Raptors-Hawks game in Atlanta. I've also taken over the Hawks' official Twitter feed (@ATLHawks) for the day. Or at least until they kick me off. So join me today for MAXIMUM HAWKITU...