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For Those Wondering If The Miami Dolphins Could Be Any More Embarrassing, Here's a Peyton Manning-Inspired Version Of That Titanic Song
As Peyton begins making the free-agency rounds, Miami fans have taken to the most reliable of valentines: parody song-making. This one features that Celine Dion song from Titanic. Hopefully for Miami fans this courtship ends on better terms....

Vermont Is Going Dancing
Congratulations to the Vermont Catamounts, who in beating Stony Brook 51-43 won the America East tournament and punched their ticket to the dance. [ESPN2]...

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Weekend: Your College Basketball Open Thread
I had this whole great thing written breaking down each game with the most mind-blowing analysis the world had ever seen, but internet connectivity issues ruined it all. Just know that it would have made Dick Vitale look like a gimmicky old man—it was that good. Anyway, here you go, chat down below ...

Last Night's Arena Football Season-Opener Was A Farce
Arena Football's 25th season kicked off last night, but it would be a stretch to call what was played in Orlando "football." A players' strike hours before kickoff meant both teams mostly used replacement players selected in a draft before the game, leaving NFL Network announcers without rosters a...

Peyton Manning Watch: Washington Redskins Out After Huge Pre-Draft Trade
Since Peyton apparently wanted nothing to do with him, it appears Dan Snyder has decided to unburden himself of a few first round draft picks in order to draft Robert Griffin III....

Colts Cut Five More Players, Can Now Afford Peyton Manning
Gary Brackett, Joseph Addai, Dallas Clark, Melvin Bullitt, Curtis Painter—all gone. The Colts could also free up another $14 million in cap room by either trading Dwight Freeney or terminating his contract. Too bad this offseason doesn't offer a big-time free agent to throw all that money at....

Why Is The Country's Largest Auction House Selling A "Ty Cobb Signed" Baseball That Wasn't Made Until 15 Years After Ty Cobb Died?
Heritage Auction Galleries in Dallas is currently offering a "miracle ball": a "1959 Exceptional Ty Cobb single signed baseball." (UPDATE, 6:40 EST: They pulled the auction. Screengrab is here.) The auction house listing describes the official Little League ball as, "Perhaps the finest we've ever en...

North Carolina State Rode This Buzzer-Beating Four-Point Play To An Upset Over Virginia
N.C. State continued its improbable run in the ACC tournament, dispatching Virginia 67-64 after erasing a Hoos lead with this Scott Wood buzzer-beater at the end of the first half....
![Rob Lowe Is On Vacation And Unable To Comment About Where Peyton Manning Will Sign [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17fxy9elg3zcojpg.jpg)
Rob Lowe Is On Vacation And Unable To Comment About Where Peyton Manning Will Sign [UPDATE]
On Jan. 18, Parks and Recreation star Rob Lowe reported that Peyton Manning would retire from the NFL that evening. We now know that report was erroneous. But we don't know that Rob Lowe isn't a source worth consulting on the topic of Peyton Manning's free agency. So we reached out to Lowe's publici...

We Interrupt This Report On Performing Breast Self-Exams To Bring You Stalker Video Of Peyton Manning's Plane
Denver station KMGH had no qualms interrupting a program on breast health to bring viewers the urgent news that Peyton Manning's plane had arrived in the Mile High City so Manning could continue meeting with Broncos staff. Citing Manning as "the greatest free agent of all time, at this moment," K...

Dead Letters: "Since You Were Purchased You Have Been In The Tank For The Liberals. Stick To Sports You Idiots."
Subject: Breitbart piece from Gawker...

Cockblocked By Cancer!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go. ...

Glory Days: I Knocked Out Randy Moss In The High School State Championship Game
An occasional series featuring our readers' tales of momentary sports glory. If you've got a video of your own brush with athletic greatness, send it to [email protected], subject: Glory Days....

A Perfectly Zany Rebuttal To The Argument That Mario Balotelli Should Marry His Model Girlfriend
After lovable wingnut Mario Balotelli broke team curfew to visit a strip club in Liverpool last weekend, Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini proposed a cure for his young striker's antics: marriage....

<em>Post</em> Columnist In 2008: Gregg Williams Understands Humility. <em>Post</em> Columnist In 2012: Gregg Williams Showed Remarkable Hubris In 2008.
Mike Wise is a sports columnist for the Washington Post, which means he has to write about bad teams and bad executives and bad coaches and bad players. (He's perhaps best known around these parts for a high-profile Twitter stunt in 2010, in which he made up news about Ben Roethlisberger's impending...

The Eddie Murphy You Love Is Dead
While suffering through this year's Oscars—ha ha, Billy Crystal kissed George Clooney, ha ha—it was hard not to think, "Geez, if Brett Ratner had kept his mouth shut, none of this would have happened and Eddie Murphy could have been the host." Indeed, the news last year that Murphy had agreed to hos...
![The Mark Cuban Gay Joke ESPN Doesn't Want You To Hear [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
The Mark Cuban Gay Joke ESPN Doesn't Want You To Hear [UPDATE]
For two days, Cuban vs. Simmons was billed as the marquee event at last weekend's MIT Sloan Sports Analytic Conference, sponsored by ESPN. It certainly didn't disappoint as the two took the stage late Saturday and engaged in an hour-long discussion ranging from the NBA lockout to how teams can eng...

David Ortiz, You Are NOT The Father
"According to a report in the Dominican newspaper Hoy by veteran baseball reporter Dionisio Soldevila, a DNA test showed that David Ortiz was not the father of a 17-year-old in the Dominican Republic. Ortiz was the subject of a paternity claim by a woman whom Ortiz said he had never met." [Boston He...

David Price Has Now Hurt His Neck Three Times By Wiping His Head With A Towel
Rays lefty David Price had to leave yesterday's split-squad start after just two innings, but he later owned up to what had happened:...

A Bowler Hat Makes You Look Like A Circumcised Penis, And Other Style Tips You Won't Find In <em>GQ</em>
GQ's resident style expert Glenn O'Brien gets some rather interesting questions every month from his readers. So we thought we would have our own Drew Magary (who is also a freelance contributor to GQ) answer some of those questions himself. All questions submitted to GQ's Style Guy are anonymous, b...