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Roberto Luongo Falls Victim To Shootout Loss, Unfortunate Microphone Placement
"Defenceman James Wisniewski beat Roberto Luongo for the winning goal in the shootout, when the Blue Jackets went 3-for-3 after blowing a third-period lead to the Canucks." [Vancouver Sun] (H/T Disco Choo)...

Do With Tony Kornheiser's High School Yearbook Picture What You Will
Why the long neck? [Midwest Sports Fans]...

Dolphins Fan Gets Brutally Knocked Out In The Sun Life Stadium Parking Lot (Video) (Updated)
The sucker punch that dropped a Dolphins fan in the parking lot after Sunday's game vs. the Eagles is so brutal that the meathead who threw it should do some time. The sound of head hitting parking lot is chilling. The louder sound of the initial contact may be worse. Hearkens back to the near-dea...

Kelly Shoppach Returns, Casey McGehee Departs, And Nickelback Wins Again
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall.) This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!...

Kevin Garnett Made One Hell Of A Cooking Metaphor Today
This year's NBA training camp is shorter than usual, and this upsets a lot of players who'd like more time to gel with their teammates. It has especially upset Boston's Kevin Garnett, who blessed us with this train wreck of a cooking metaphor during the Celtics' practice today:...

Gifts For People Who Like Bacon
Sometimes, humans get a primal craving in the caveman center of their brains that nothing else can satisfy. We'll help you out with this gift guide that doubles as a friend test: if somebody doesn't appreciate one of the delicious or useful bacon-related products, this is probably not someone you ne...

On A Frosty Pennsylvania Morning, Jerry Sandusky Is Punxsutawney Phil
BELLEFONTE, Pa.—Jack-all of substance happened in the Centre County courthouse today, as you already know. Jerry Sandusky waived his preliminary hearing. No witnesses testified; no new information came out....

How To Get Robbed In D.C.: Amir Khan Vs. Lamont Peterson
WASHINGTON—A black guy in dark shades and a pimp-style chinchilla coat strode through the D.C. convention center, headed toward the entrance to the fight. Ten feet behind him, a white guy in a button-up shirt surreptitiously snapped photos of him on his cell phone. "Look, a real live pimp, at the fi...

The <em>Postmortal</em> Live Holiday Funbag
All right, we did this once before and it didn't end with Sarah Silverman crying, so let's close out the year with one more live funbag. I'll be here answering your questions from 1 till 4. You know where to send them. Put LIVE FUNBAG in the subject line. I'll get through as many as I can. And if yo...

Mike Leach's Business Partner Is A Prominent Publisher Of Guides To Houston-Area Strip Clubs
Deposed Texas Tech boss Mike Leach just took over at Wazzu, and the local press is already hounding our favorite offensive innovator/pirate....
![Sandusky's Lawyer: If You Believe Witness, "I Suggest You Dial 1-800-REALITY." That's A Gay Phone Sex Line. [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4q6l9n5qebjpg.jpg)
Sandusky's Lawyer: If You Believe Witness, "I Suggest You Dial 1-800-REALITY." That's A Gay Phone Sex Line. [UPDATE]
Joe Amendola, the attorney for Jerry Sandusky who thus far has been lawyerin' like a man who got his J.D. from the bottom of a cereal box, did some more lawyerin' in front of the cameras this morning. The choicest moment: At one point, Amendola discussed the possibility that Mike McQueary witnessed ...

Greetings From Happy Valley: The Giddy Scene In Bellefonte, Pa., On The Night Before Jerry Sandusky's Hearing
BELLEFONTE, Pa.—Lock Haven is a small town attached to an oily green bend of the Susquehanna River in central Pennsylvania. It is the kind of place where Main Street is peppered with mom-and-pop shops and a quarter in the meter buys you 150 minutes. It is also the kind of place where an evil little ...

Gifts For People Who Golf
Got a golfer in your life? Tired of buying all that Golf in the Kingdom crap? This guide is for you. Leave any suggestions in the comments....

Did Tim Tebow Break Up Lindsey Vonn's Marriage?
Last week we received an email that suggested something insane enough that we were happy to entertain it for a funny, fleeting moment, but mostly we were fairly certain that there was no way in hell it was in any way true....

Somewhere Between Kordell Stewart And John Skelton, There Is Tim Tebow
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Merry Christmas To Agents: Free-Agent-To-Be Zack Greinke Needs Representation
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall.) This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!...

LeBron James Wouldn't Let Walter Iooss Jr., Who Was Photographing Him For Nike, Speak Directly To Him
If you get a chance to pick up last week's Sports Illustrated issue without gagging at the cover, it's worth flipping through to Walter Iooss Jr.'s career retrospective. The photographer has been shooting athletes and swimsuit models for SI for 50 years, and it turns out that he's got as many wonder...

A Guide To The Medical, Semantic Mess Of Ryan Braun's PED Case
We told you on Saturday night about Milwaukee Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun, the reigning National League MVP, and his failed drug test....

The Dolphins Just Fired Tony Sparano
It's been a rough day for the coaches of underachieving NFL teams: The Chiefs fired Todd Haley this morning, and Adam Schefter reports that the Dolphins fired Tony Sparano this afternoon....

The Lockout Is Forgiven, Now That We Have This Photo Of Hedo Turkoglu and Stan Van Gundy
We no longer even care where Chris Paul goes, or where Dwight Howard goes, or if they actually ever play basketball. This photo exists, and that's enough. [Orlando Sentinel]...