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Report: Favre Admits To Voicemails, Denies Cock Shots
According to Fox's Jay Glazer, Brett Favre admitted to NFL security that he left voicemails on Jenn Sterger's phone, but denied that he sent her photos of his penis. The voicemails and the photos came from the same number, per our reporting....

Referees Get Punished For Promoting Breast-Cancer Awareness With Pink Whistles
Here's to you, Washington Officials Association, for standing up to 140 high-school-football referees who dared use pink whistles for breast-cancer awareness the other night without first getting your permission....

A-Rod Finally Worth $252 Million To The Texas Rangers
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

John Salley Story Corner: Rookie Hazing, Bad Boy Style
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: A rookie gets the treatment....

Of Course Christopher Walken Uses A Typewriter
You are now reading this in Christopher Walken's voice....

Ape Escapes With Little League's Cash
What's sadder than being a mascot for a little league team? Not much, actually. But the "Beast From The East" just started 10 years in prison for stealing more than 200 grand from the league....

Good Work, America
This week's episode of The T.Ocho Show drew a 0.1 rating, or slightly more than 100,000 people. Why, that's barely better than playoff baseball! [Sports Media Watch]...

Cockblocked by Imagined Transgenderism! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Why Is Shaq Acting Like A Statue In Boston?
The Big Aristotle headed out to Harvard Square today and...stood still. For some reason. He announced his plans on Twitter, of course, and crowds soon engulfed the struggling actor and sometime law enforcement official....

No One Gives A Shit About Cheap Shots
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Canes To Beat FSU
Former Florida State TE Kamari Charlton overstayed his visa in Singapore, and now faces six months in prison and a caning. [Orlando Sentinel]...

Here's Some Adorable Children Doing Adorable Things
I love (and regularly wager on) Mites on Ice, when they let a bunch of kids play hockey during intermissions. But these little tykes at Tuesday's Capitals game set a new standard for awwww with their team goal celebration....

How I Celebrated LeBron James's "Hater Day" on Twitter
With King James retweeting the racist messages he received on Twitter, Scott Raab breaks down the passion play that continues to surround one of the NBA's premiere players....

Sad Pistons Can't Even Put Together A Real Cheering Section
How bad are things in the Motor City if the Pistons can only get 11 people to show up to tryout for their new cheering section that's giving away free tickets? Somehow this is Tracy McGrady's fault. [The Detroit News]...

Bleacher Report Editors Demand Bleacher Report Writers Be Less Retarded
If you are one of those unlucky sports fans who has to slog through Bleacher Report's Google-raping SEO "stories" when you do a general news search for a topic about an athlete, team, or topseventeensidelinereportersthechileancoalminersshouldhavesexwith, this is great news....

Gareth Bale Can Still Beat Inter Milan On The Aggregate
Elderly midfielder Javier Zanetti became the oldest goalscorer in Champions League history when he opened proceedings after just two minutes, and Spurs found themselves 3-0 down within a quarter of an hour after keeper Gomes was sent off for bringing down Jonathan Biabany....

Ever Wonder What It's Like When The Police Get You Stoned And Make You Drive Around?
But, you know, without living in some crazy, entrapment-filled police state? I hadn't either, but thankfully LA Times columnist Steve Lopez got to smoke some dank shit from some CHiPs—ha, chips—officers and then drive around for his and our amusement....

At Least One Yankee Fan Saw Some Action: This Old Guy Groping His Ladyfriend
The email came in: "You have any interest in photos of an old man who had his hand down a lady-friend's shirt, cupping, rubbing her breast for close to 2 hours while watching the Yankees game last night?" I would say so....

My Conversation With Milton Ahlerich, VP Of NFL Security
Hi, everybody. Just got off the phone with Mr. Ahlerich — nice gentleman, serious gentleman — and we discussed if I'd be willing to cooperate with the NFL's thorough investigation into Brett Favre's sexting habits....

A Yankee Stadium Memory: "Their Look Didn't Say, 'Shut Up.' It Said They Wanted To Kill Me."
The following is taken from Bronx Banter Presents: Lasting Yankee Stadium Memories, edited by Alex Belth and featuring recollections of the old ballpark—sorry, stadium—from the likes of Pete Hamill, Charles P. Pierce, and Joe Posnanski. Bob Costas has something in there, too, I guess. Here, the grea...