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Angry Sheep Still Trampling Our Nation's Children
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The 4th Of July Hot Dog Eating Contest Was Just A Big Old Mess Of Sweat And Vomit
We deputized AnimalNY's Bucky Turco to document the goings-on in Coney Island yesterday. This is what he came back with. ("Sorry, just woke up," he writes.)...

Psychic Octopus Predicts Spain, But It's A FRAUD!
Paul the octopus is 5-0 in picking winners in Germany's matches, and the world has been waiting for his semifinal selection. Unfortunately, there's tomfoolery afoot....

Dear LeBron: You See This Shit?
Joe Johnson announced he's returning to the Hawks, and he did it via a column in the Huffington Post. I think you and I, LeBron, can do better than that. I've got a proposition for you....

Kobayashi In Court Today To Answer For Hot Dog Disruption
Takeru Kobayashi, upset over a non-compete clause in his contract, started all kinds of trouble in Coney Island yesterday. He's facing charges of obstruction, resisting arrest, trespassing and disorderly conduct. If this is a stunt, the DA's not in on it. [AP]...

Here's Video Of Kobayashi Getting Arrested At The Coney Island Hot-Dog-Eating Contest
Takeru Kobayashi didn't compete in today's Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, but he showed up at Coney Island anyway and got himself arrested. We were there and got some video....

Deadspin Classic: A Children's Treasury Of Men Getting Blasted In The Face With Champagne
We at Deadspin research spent a solid day compiling these photos, and hardly any of you stopped to admire our work the first time around. So you know what? Here they are again, like a cold blast of liquid to the face....

Deadspin Classic: He ... Could ... Go ... All ... The ... Way!
There's no earthly reason to run this again today, except that it involves one thing America will be full of this weekend: a large man in a tropical shirt. And it remains funny as hell. You will always be with us, leather....

Deadspin Classic: How To Tap A Fucking Keg
For Spring Break, The Awl contributor Abe Sauer taught you how to get at that delicious, delicious beer. Well, you're not a college student now; you're a man, and you have friends and family to keep hydrated this holiday weekend....

Deadspin Classic: Our Field Trip To <em>Quite Frankly</em>
Stephen A. Smith and the Philadelphia Inquirer recently parted ways for a second time. Let's remember the good ol' days, when Stephen A. was an emphatic, multi-platform media nuisance, and Will Leitch was just another guy in his studio audience....

Happy Independence Day And Other Things Of Note
Hey, you made it. It's 6ish p.m., so you're probably all finished with work and set to go home and decompress for the three-day weekend. That's just awesome. We have to do that, too. But first — some programming notes....

Annoying Use Of Vuvuzela Throughout History: Act IV
It's Friday, which means it's time to tack on a vuvuzela to various indelible moments in world and cultural history. Enjoy and suggest more for next week's final edition....

Meet The USA's Tipsy, Slovenia-Trashing, Bathroom-Snoozing Miss World Contestant (Video)
CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Remember my encounter with the Miss World ladies? Absent from that group was one Lisa-Marie Kohrs, the U.S. representative. We've learned what became of her that day, and what became of her was a sloppy, jingoistic mess....

Here's The NBA All-Star Game Edited To Look Like A Soccer Game, Complete With Spanish Guy Flopping
If you've ever wondered what basketball would be like if it were as low-scoring and anticlimactic as soccer, this is the video for you. [Urlesque]...

Breaking: <em>ESPN The Magazine</em> To Move To Bristol
In September 2011, the Mag's operations will leave the bright lights and big city to come under the corporate umbrella in Bristol, CT. Doubtful whether much of the staff will come along for the move....

An Inside Look At A Failed Porn Shoot. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Phish Fans Call Out Fenway Girl Pissing In Public
A drunk, underage woman couldn't — or wouldn't — make it to the bathrooms at Fenway last night. This is her story....

Conspiracy Theorist Claims Competitive Eater Did Not Swallow Hot Dogs Properly And Should Be Banned
This is one of the strangest, most insanely detailed tips on a story we've ever received. It's from a fanwho says that competitive eater Crazy Legs Conti, one of the more popular food-inhalers on the circuit, cheated....

Top 13 Subject Lines Of Emails Received From Nick Denton
I've worked at Gawker Media for over four years and in that time have received numerous emails from owner Nick Denton. These are my favorites. See if you can guess which site I was writing for when I got them....

And Now, An Appreciation Of The Bra
I went to the doctor the other day. I was sentenced to wait in one of the examination rooms for roughly 90 minutes while the doctor played CALL OF DUTY in the next room over under the guise of supposedly saving other people's lives, or some bullshit like that. Anyway, they had the reflex tester layi...