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Ochocinco's Forebearer Is... Justin Gimelstob?
Chad Ochocinco — né Johnson, he of no further introduction — and Justin Gimelstob, he of middling tennis stature, have more in common than what hits the eye. Actually, they really don't. But they both... like Twitter?...
Best of the Brissed: The First and Last Deadspin Maccabiah Games Preview
Named after the Maccabee family, who vanquished the Greeks despite 6-1 odds and stingy handicapping; the Maccabiah Games bring together 7,000 of the world's best Jewish athletes to satisfy their insatiable lust for gold. Whoa. That came out wrong....
David Cone Will Choose Our Supreme Court
Sonia Sotomayor will go before the U.S. Senate next week to face the gauntlet that is a Supreme Court confirmation hearing. Thankfully, she will have one very powerful ally on her side—noted judicial scholar David B. Cone....
From Your Very Special Guest Editor
Last time I wrote on this page, it was with unbridled cautious optimism for Trent Edwards and the 2008 Buffalo Bills. Was I wrong? Yes and no. Well, actually, just yes....
Here's Erin Andrews Getting Angry At Someone For Pulling On Her Cords (ALSO NOT A EUPHEMISM)
This is quite a sustained grouchy face. This is also the last footage of America's Sideline Princess with her chin still intact. [YouTube]...
<em>Tennessean</em> Brings Out The Dead, Asks About Exciting New Line Of Restaurants
Here's the front page of the Tennessean's weekly Davidson A.M. edition, which is one of those zoned supplements that go yellow on your lawn and contain nothing but Zales ads and the occasional fluffy interview with a dead person....
Hypospadias And You: An In-Depth Study Of Bong Dick
I live in the DC area and I have a baby boy, so it's only natural that scientists have now discovered that DC drinking water might be deforming baby boy's genitals. WOOHOO!...
Now It's Time To Let Your Star Shine
So the new commenting system is live. Please hop to the bottom section and test it out. I'm sure there will be kinks, complaints, confusion and minor chaos. Feel free to contact bugs with the real boners....
Anna Kournikova: Still Not A Jew
When Anna Kournikova came to Washington rocking a diamond as big as the Ritz, a freelance photographer congratulated her with a "Mazel Tov!" Kournikova's response: "I am not Jewish. Can't you see my cross?" Oy vey. [Washington Times]...
Bartolo Colon "Found," Still Mourning Michael Jackson
There's no visual evidence of Bartolo Colon's whereabouts—NASA is working on it—but the White Sox say he will pitch tonight. His "disappearance" was really just an aversion to phones and an inability to cope with MJ's passing....
The Dunk Was "As Good As It Could've Been Hyped Up To Be"
Ryan Miller, the would-be Zapruder whose video of LeBron getting Tom Chambered was commandeered by a Nike goon, has offered a few more details about the incident. Namely: The dunk was awesome, and Bron-Bron was kind of a prick....
Police Close The Book On The Steve McNair Case
Nashville's Chief of Police Ronal Serpas just gave a very thorough and detailed account of the death of Steve McNair and Sahel Kazemi and provided a rather convincing explanation of why investigators have officially ruled it a murder-suicide....
Have You Seen This Fat Guy?
The White Sox seemed to have lost something. It's about six feet high, 250 pounds (roughly), and occasionally has trouble locating its curveball. Oh, and it's scheduled to start tonighttomorrow so if you've seen a Bartolo Colon anywhere, please call....
The Critic-Proofing Of Lance Armstrong
The ad you see here is the new Lance Armstrong spot for Nike, which would be merely standard-issue, inspiromatic marketing schlock if it didn't come so creepily close to suggesting that to criticize Lance now is to somehow enable cancer....
Live-Streaming The Love Life And After-Life Of Steve McNair
McNair's best friend Robert Gaddy says, despite all glaring indications, Mechelle and Steve weren't getting for a divorce. Nope, the happy couple was buying a new home together. Now stop asking him about the 20-year-old girlfriend....
Young Cubs Fan Mocks Ryan Dempster's Pain
This young fan in blue has thoroughly enjoyed Ryan Dempster's comical fall over a dugout railing, not realizing that the pitcher has just fractured his big toe and will spend a month on the DL. Go Cubbies!...
Leitch And Drew On Vomiting, Dipping, Commenting, Simmons, And Other Essentials
Your Deadcast guest this week is Leitch. It's a nice departure from all those weeks of talking to, you know, interesting people. HEY-O!!!!...
Of Course This Made Countdown
The estimable Tommy "Scraggs" and The Mighty Bentern get golf claps from the Left for their Palin full-court press rendering. Unfortunately, Olbermann used Craggs' Garbage Pail Kid nickname. [MSNBC/Andrew Sullivan]...
That Last Name Never Gets Easier To Spell
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Brett Tomko Uses Painting To Ease Pain Of Being Brett Tomko
"For me, the best way to move on from [a bad outing] is to get the paints out. Kind of take my mind off the pitching for a few hours and just kind of regroup." [Star-Ledger]...