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What About His Face? Did Something Happen To Rick Ankiel's Face?
The Rickster was hospitalized after crashing face first into the center field wall last night. Doctors say he might not have been hurt at all if only he had kept the mustache. [Missourinet]...

The Kentucky Derby Revisited: Follow The Circle And Ignore Tom Durkin
NBC's lead race caller Tom Durkin is getting hammered for his I-Am-Yelling-About-The-Wrong-Horses!-routine that annoyed many viewers, especially racing purists, those who had money on Pioneer of The Nile and blind people....

Warm Your Butt In The Dice-K Memorial Bathrooms
The Boston Red Sox paid the Seibu Lions $51.1 million for the right to take Daisuke Matsuzaka off their hands. So what did they do with the money? New toilet seats for everyone!...

And The 2009 Brian Baldinger Award Goes To...Torry Holt
The former Rams' wide receiver instills confidence in his catching ability in front of a confused Jacksonville press corps. [With Leather]...

As Boston Globe Dies, One Boston Herald Columnist Reveals Himself To Be A Towering Douche
Regardless of any silly notions about Deadspin being anti-newspaper, it's unfathomable to think that many of our hometown papers we all grew up with could be obsolete in the next couple of years....

The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent And Depraved
Everyone knows the real fun of the Kentucky Derby happens in the stands and infield, not on the track. See the shenanigans you missed out on after the jump....

Ow, My Balls!
Maybe I'm still a little irked with Boston after last night's Celtics win, but I think a picture of Dustin Pedroia getting pegged in the nuts would bring a smile to my face any day....

Sports Feuds Used To Be Much More Macho Than This
Four of the most-loathed things in America (Missouri Tigers, Washington Redskins, sports radio, and Twitter) converge for an epic battle of (t)wits. Susskind and Hawking got nothing on Daniel and Dukes. [NBC Washington]...

ESPNU/Time Warner Cable Experiencing Technical Difficulties, Porn (NSFW)
There can't be that many people watching ESPNU at 3:17AM, but on Saturday there was at least one, and he got a little surprise while hunting for a late-night sports fix (very NSFW)....

T Is For Timeout...Or Maybe Tacos.
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Goodnight, Ricky Hatton
Well that didn't take long. Slightly under two rounds, actually before Manny Pacquiao dropped Ricky Hatton for the third and final time....

Noah Declared 'Undead', Cleared to Play Tonight
The best first round series anyone can remember concludes tonight as Chicago travels to Boston for Game 7. Contrary to some earlier speculation, "Garquatch" will not be suiting up....

Cowboys' Practice Bubble Collapses
The air-supported dome on the Dallas Cowboys practice facility collapsed this afternoon. Several people were trapped and four have been sent to the hospital. Players and coaches are reportedly safe. [DMN, MartyBTV]...

Pens Fans Attempt to Distract Capitals With Funny Faces
The Penguins have evened the score with the Capitals at 2-2 in after two periods of play in Washington. In other news, this Pittsburgh fan seems to be quite taken with Washington's coach Bruce Boudreau....

Pacquiao And Hatton Should Provide Plenty of Action
Vegas is buzzing this weekend with the energy of the year's biggest fight. Manny Pacquiao and Ricky Hatton have weighed in at or below the junior welterweight limit, and tonight they'll meet in the ring....

The One Where An ESPN Commenter Makes The Moves On Rachel Nichols (Update)
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another. (NSFW)...

Ron Artest Fondly Remembers That Terrible, Hilarious Night At The Palace
Ron Artest had a nice moment last night when he went into the stands after a loose ball. It was just like the last time he went into the crowd, only not as hysterically funny....

Tom Brady Must Be Thrilled
Hey, it's his new bride being groped by nude, muscular black men! [Arab Aquarius]...

Boston And Chicago Must Really Love Each Other
How else do you explain why the Bulls and Celtics have played seven overtime periods in just six games? These guys really just enjoy playing basketball together—and making each other bleed....

Australian Rules Football Team Wants To Play By <i>Really</i> Different Rules
The Torquay Tigers football club of Australia raised a few eyebrows with this recent ad for the team's upcoming "All White Night"—a social evening of food, fun, and racial purity....