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Tomorrow, The Internet Ends. Pack Accordingly.
This is a new weekly column from Leitch. It has words, and pictures. It's called Ten Humans Of The Week. It might or might not work. But here it is....

Who Is This Dashing Soccer Player, And Why Is He Using His Hands?
Hint: He now makes millions playing a different sport, and once dated Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel. Yes, it's Derek Jeter, whose mom once again forgot to bring the post-game orange slices....

Shawn Johnson Is Having A Rough Couple Of Weeks
After Shawn Johnson spent last week worried about a deranged stalker, she returns to "Dancing With The Stars" only to be greeted by what appears to be a deranged boner in her partner's pants. (NSFW?)...

Jeff George Insists He Could Still Play For The Vikings; Vike's Writer Shows Him Reality
"My suggestion is he disconnect his phone... [h]e won't answer the next time a reporter calls to ask if he thinks he should still be playing. It's time for everyone to move on." [ESPN]...

Brady's New Wife Reveals Many Things About Their Relationship (And Her Body) In Vanity Fair Interview
Gisele Bundchen gives Vanity Fair a candid glimpse into her new domesticated life as Mrs. Tom Brady. Nude, of course....

Well Why Even Bother Playing The Season Now?
Yankees installed as 9/2 favorites to win World Series, followed by Red Sox (11/2), Cubs (8/1) and, wait for it ... New York Mets (8/1). And your MVP is Mark Teixeira. [Bodog Life.com]...

John Calipari Is Walking Through That Door (Maybe)
A local Memphis TV station has set up a live web feed of a camera trained on the door to the Memphis Athletic Department offices. It is riveting....

Opening Day At Citi Field, The House That You And I Built
The first player ever to hit a home run at Citi Field? Sean Lamont of Georgetown, which beat St. John's 6-4 on Sunday as Mets fans got to give their new, controversial ballpark a test drive....

Siena's Drunk, Rowdy Fans Are Not Welcome Back To Ohio
The Siena Saints pulled off one of the more memorable wins over Ohio State in the NCAA tournament this year, but the behavior of their fans didn't do anything to endear themselves to local Ohioans....

Blake Griffin Shows Off His Extra Long Fingers
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

You'll Have To Wait Until 2010-11 To See Seth Curry As A Blue Devil
Andy Katz leaves the glitz and glamor of President Obama's brackets to return to the humdrum grind of regular sports news, reporting that Seth Curry has decided to transfer to Duke. [Rush The Court]...

North Carolina Meets Oklahoma In A Test Of Round Ball Athletic Skill
And so it comes down to this: Your success in the office pool hinges on one man, as it always does. Time for Roy Williams, Destroyer of Dreams, Eater of $10 bills. [Sporting News]...

Your Louisville-Michigan State Open Thread
Can the world withstand two Cardinal mascots in a major championship game during the same calendar year? We're going to find out, unless Tom Izzo and Friends can figure out this fullcourt press business. [MLive]...

Darren Daulton Still Delightfully Nuts
One would think that with the power of astral travel, Darren Daulton would choose to visit Vienna during the Renaissance, or Rome during the reign of the Caesars. But a card show in Ephrata, Pa.?...

Who's Sorry Now? Dallas Cop Apologizes For Moats Stop
Officer Robert Powell, who stopped Ryan Moats from seeing his dying mother-in-law during a traffic stop on March 18, has gone into full 'save-my-job' mode, apologizing in a letter through his attorney. [CBS Sports]...

Your Network For Cheerleader Crotch
CBS, proving again that they will leave no angle uncovered in the NCAA Tournament. As Andre the Giant said in Princess Bride, "Hello pretty lady."...

NCAA Sweet 16: (1) North Carolina vs. (4) Gonzaga
East Region: No. 1 North Carolina (30-4) vs. No. 4 Gonzaga (28-5) When: Thursday, 9:57 p.m., EDT Where: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS 1) Make it Wayne Let's get this out of the way for those waking from comas: Tyler Hansbrough is the ACC's all-time leading scorer and Tywo...

Billy Donovan...Headed To Kentucky?
Gillispie is gone. Now rumors have the Florida head coach considering a jump to Kentucky. [Sparty And Friends]...

The One Where The Yapping Hand Job Picks A Scab (Update)
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

The Comment Of The Week Is Not A Slave To Fashion
Welcome to Deadspin's famed Comment of the Week feature, wherein we recognize some of Deadspin's wittiest and best-written comments from the week that was, and give away valuable mystery prizes....