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Seattle And The Mariners: It's True Love (For Now)
Mariners fans line up in the rain for tickets to opening day, which sell out in 55 minutes. It's all for you, Mariner Moose. [King 5]...

Lenny Dykstra's Not A Racist — He's Had Three "Spearchuckers" On The Cover
After a year's worth of positive Lenny Dykstra news glorifying his inexplicable financial genius, the unsurprising truth about The Dude is revealed. Shocker: Lenny is an asshole and completely full of shit....

Chief Kickingstallionsims Fills Out His Dance Card
In case you've forgotten, Alabama State won the SWAC this year, which means that their 7-foot-1 center, Chief Kickingstallionsims, has made it to the NCAA Tournament at last. Look out, Rick Pitino....

The Unheralded Return Of Pat O'Brien To Sports Media
Pat O'Brien's popping his head out to do some March Madness column-izing for The Daily Beast. He says President Clinton was very passionate about his Razorbacks. So fucking hot. [The Daily Beast]...

Relocation Coming To The NBA?
We've established that running an NBA team is a horrible way to make money, but did the Boston Globe bury the big news that some teams may not last much longer in their home city?...

Join The 2009 Deadspin Pants Party
Look, there are a lot of dumb guys out there who think they're better than you. So are you going to let them keep thinking that....or are you going to do something about it?...

Here Is Your National Champion (Plus 64 Other Losers)
The NCAA Tournament Committee is announcing has announced the field for the Men's Basketball Tournament. It's shocking! It's disappointing! It's pleasantly surprising! It's horrifying! It's whatever you want it to be!...

Type Fast For Us During the NCAA Tournament
Aw, so you didn't get to preview the team you wanted. Guess there's nothing left to do but cry. Or you could GET A SECOND CHANCE to participate on Deadspin....

Mercy Is For The Weak. (The U.S. Is Weak.)
Thank to the Little League mercy rule, the United States was spared nine full innings against a country that we literally own, but cannot beat in baseball. Just wait until Tommy Lasorda hears about this....

Your Regional Tournament DUAN
So much for mighty North Carolina. And the Scheyer Face movement failed to topple Duke. Michigan State got Buckeye'd. And, hey, look — Binghamton is going dancing. Hide the women and children. And condoms....

Receiver Donte Stallworth Mows Down, Kills Miami Beach Man
Former Saint/Eagle/Patriot and current Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth has reportedly ran over and killed a pedestrian in Miami Beach early this morning....

It's March Madness For Mascots, Too
"[W]ith 7 seconds left and New Mexico State leading 70-69, Utah State's mascot, 'Big Blue' the bull, confronted New Mexico State's 'Pistol Pete' cowboy mascot and ripped off his fake mustache." [ESPN.com...

The Entrepreneurs, At Least, Didn't Need Overtime
We've enjoyed Syracuse's little run as much as anyone - well, maybe more than Jay Bilas, who seems more in need of a bj than usual - but then along came capitalism to make it faintly annoying....

When Lost In The Georgia Dome, Consult Your Nearest Cheerleader
Tyler Hansbrough went from victory to fail within seconds this afternoon, as he avoided being called for a critical foul in a last-second win over Virginia Tech, but then got lost leaving the court....

The One That Confirms Greg Oden Was Always An Old-Looking Young Man
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

A Ladies' Primer On Bitter, Drunken March Madness Regret
It's Waxing Off, the feature that guarantees delivery in less than 30 minutes, or it's free. Today's topic: The NCAA Basketball Pool and the Brackets of Doom....

Introducing The Deadspin Comment Of The Week (Now With 100% More Prizes!)
Here in Deadspin Amalgamated Industries Co. Ltd's Chicago bureau, we've been working day-and-night to find a way to properly reward our occasionally-witty commenters for their hard work. We think we've got something....

Rick Reilly Or Rick Rielly?
Just a couple days after the Twitter police silenced the "Rick Rielly" we'd all come to know and love, the real Rick Reilly writes a column that's absurdly Rielly-esque....

Jonathan Papelbon Won't Shy Away From His Feelings About Manny Ramirez
Once word of the Esquire interview leaked, Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon knew he'd have to elaborate on some of his comments about his ex-teammate....

After Six Overtimes, Syracuse Sleeps The Sleep Of The Just
At some point during the sixth overtime of the Syracuse-UConn game, my cable box interrupted to inform me that without further action from me it would be going into sleep mode....