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Attack Of (And Farewell To) The Purple
Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball g...

Clemson Fans Have Awesome Tattoos
Sometimes people think Southerners are weird. Then I link to pictures of guys like Nate Davis who want full-back tattoos to establish their college football fandom and you can rapidly tell we're just like everyone else. Only we drink more. To cover up the pain from our backs being covered in ink....

On Vincent Gallo, Black Gallagher And Rotten.com Videos
This video has been online for about a year now, but I just saw it for the first time today. It's brutal, punishing and so uncalled for that it should come with a Tipper Gore warning. It's from 2001, when my immortal beloved Rick Ankiel was still struggling with his "control" and some minor leagu...

Introducing The Loneliest Boy In The World
Poor Brandon. Back in April of last year, the Barry Zito Fathead seemed like a very cool thing to have. But 170 innings and 24 losses later, this young man is not only reevaluating his choice of room decor, but also his very existence on this earth. Young Brandon is now a virtual shutin; ostracized ...

Let's Watch The Cyclists Go Whizzing By
Planning on watching the Tour de France in person this year? Be careful where you sit. This is something they don't show you in the brochure. At this event everything is uber-organized; including the pee breaks. Little known fact: When Lance Armstrong would pull over to do this, he would leave a smo...

Yes...
Boy, that escalated quickly. Wasn't it just last week when the sports pundits and the soundbite intelligentsia were all speculating that former Los Angeles Clipper, and free agent whale, Elton Brand, would "probably" ignore the lavish offer sheet from the Golden State Warriors because "he loves L.A....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after shooting such a terrible round that you lose all your golf balls; except for the one you hit for a hole-in-one ... • MLB: Rays at Yankees (7:05 p.m., ET). The Sultan of Kazmir weaves his magic. [WXPX] [Yes Network] • MLB: Marlins at Padres (10:05 p.m., ET). After nine straight ho...

Milton Bradley Is A Blogger Now? Awesome
So I'm wondering which incident in Milton Bradley's storied career prompted The New York Times to ask him to write a blog for them about the All-Star Game? This one, perhaps? Or this? Ah, I know; it was this one, wherein Bradley actually injured himself while trying to get at an umpire, ending up on...

Meet The Stripper Who Saved The Red Sox
Alex Rodriguez's various alleged dalliances with females of the non-wife persuasion may have cost the Yankees more than anyone thought. Did ex-stripper Candice Houlihan break the Boston jinx and hand the Red Sox their World Series championship in 2004? Houlihan claims that a two-night stand with Rod...

Tony Gonzalez: Hero To The Meat-Lodged
Kansas City Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez is known for many things in his storied career: Pro Bowl tight end, United Way spokesperson, and football salami enthusiast....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch when bored with your collection of octopus porn ... • Arena football: Divisional playoffs, Cleveland at Georgia (8 p.m., ET). Wait ... who is that coming out of the tunnel? Is it Bernie Kosar? [ESPN2] • MLB: Minnesota at Boston (7 p.m., ET). I'll be watching Little Big League. [ESPN] •...

Comment Ombudsman: Become a Deadspin Commenter and Face Immediate Execution
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, Commenting Guru Rob Iracane will write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week....

Why, Red Sox Nation? Why?
What do you do if you're a group of Red Sox fans who spot a car stopped in traffic that happens to have New York Yankees license plates? (Keep in mind that there are at least two children in the car). Answer: You surround the vehicle, vandalize it, and then beat the driver with a baseball bat. That ...

Round of the Year Ends In KO of the Year
When Kendall Holt first fought Ricardo Torres for the WBO Light Welterweight title back in September he had to do so in his opponent's home country of Colombia. To call the atmosphere "hostile" would be quite an understatement. When Holt knocked the champion down in the sixth round he was rewarded w...

No Homo: The NFL Joke of Choice
Professional sports locker rooms are one of the last bastions for gay humor. That's because there's never been any gay athletes. So, you see, the very idea of anyone being gay is always funny. Which brings me to the first big scoop of my illustrious Deadspin career: The phrase "No Homo" has taken ov...

Thank You New Zealand, For Making Rugby Fun Again
Rugby or porn? Previously, New Zealand TV viewers had to choose. But on Sunday someone apparently decided, why can't we have both? So for nearly four glorious minutes, a "Grass Roots Rugby" match on Sky TV — which I suppose is cable over there — was suddenly replaced with hardcore porn. Key sentence...

It's Time Once Again To Run With Those Sweet, Cuddly Bulls
It probably won't surprise you that the guy pictured here receiving a very special kind of goring is from Philadelphia. Yes, it's time once again for the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, where each year Darwin has himself a few laughs while thinning out the human herd. But this year, a twist...

Examining The Balance Of Power In The AL East
I've been in a meat coma since The Fourth, and have only just seen this great moment from Friday's Yankees-Red Sox game. A couple of questions here, of course: What if the ball had stayed perched atop the fence, instead of falling back onto the field of play as it did? And what's the ruling if, say,...

C.C. Sabathia On His Way To Milwaukee
Or so says everyone from Cleveland, to Milwaukee, to Buster Olneyville. The Cleveland Indians, who at the beginning of the season thought they'd be able to compete, have officially moved white-flagged it by shuttling their number one starter with the crooked cap to the Milwaukee Brewers for power-ba...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you tearfully raise your fist with pride and chant "USA! USA!" ... • Major League Soccer: Houston at Real Salt Lake (10 p.m., ET). How to change the station without using my hands? [ESPN2] • Motor sports: NASCAR Sprint Cup, Coke Zero 400, practice, at Daytona Beach, Fla (4 p.m. and ...