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Kevin Garnett Doesn't Breathe, He Holds Air Hostage
• Just Seventy-Seven Games To Go. Hours after attending the funeral of his father, Doc Rivers watched his Celtics remain the NBA's only undefeated team with an impressive 112-101 win over the Nets. (Note: That final score is extremely misleading.) Da Big Green Three did they thang, with Paul Pierce ...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the Devil Rays cut their name in half ... • College football: Rutgers at Army. Scarlet Knights vs. Black Knights. Who ya got? [ESPN2] • Golf: PGA European Tour/PGA Tour of Australasia, HSBC Champions, third round, Shanghai. Australasia? You lost me. [The Golf Channel] • NBA: Denver ...

Yao Vs. Yi: 250 Million Chinese Viewers Can't Be Wrong
It's a fine Friday afternoon as Awful Announcing asks the musical question, is anyone aware that the largest television audience ever for a sporting event could take place tonight? That's right folks, it's Yi vs. Yao! From the Houston Chronicle:...

Let's Guess The Steroid Users! Fun!
The Boston Globe had the scoop — a scoop it later backed off of, but no matter! — yesterday: Eleven free agents are mentioned in the Mitchell Report. This may no longer be true, of course, but bah! This sort of revelation is the reason the Internet was born: Let's get to speculatin'!...

What Can Manny Do To Put You In A New Car Today?
So you couldn't get the cash together to make a competitive bid on Manny Ramirez's backyard grill? Here's a chance to redeem yourself to friends and loved ones. Now you can buy Manny's car on e-Bay. And this is one sweet, pimped out ride!...

Mourning Your Grandmother Is Fineable Offense For Vikings
When we first heard that Minnesota Vikings wide receiver was being docked a game's pay for missing a game for his grandmother's funeral, we figured there had to be a catch. He had a history of skipping practice. He was generally an attitude problem. His grandmother was a Fascist. Something. But nope...

There Goes A.B., Trying To Deny It Again
We know we should enjoy those text messages that are put on the scoreboard during baseball games these days — it's fan participation, after all — but inevitably they just seem like the screechings of teenagers, using a language we cannot understand. But we dont' take them seriously. But then again: ...


MLB.com Says, "We Break It, You Buy It"
We remember being quite excited a couple years back when MLB.com started offering classic games for download. The notion of buying an old Cardinals World Series game that we could have forever, to watch whenever we'd like. Thanks, MLB! Of course, forever isn't exactly forever, not with the fine folk...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you are grounded for 15 years ...• College football: Louisville at West Virginia. Fear the cardinal. Its pecking could break the skin and give you a very bad infection. [ESPN] • NBA: Detroit at Chicago; Dallas at Golden State. Mavericks at Warriors. That somehow rings a bell ... ...

Please Keep Roger Clemens At The Forefront Of Your Brain
One would have thought, after that "ow, my hamstring, I have to LEAVE!" display by Roger Clemens in the ALDS last month, the "Rocket," as they call him, would finally realize it's better to leave well enough alone. But no: Even though he's happy to take that "services contract" from the Astros — one...

Clinton Portis Is Happily Weird Again
Via DC Sports Bog, which was invented for this very thing, it's Clinton Portis' newest "character." It's "Choo-Choo." We don't know what it means, and we don't care. It's like the final season of "Arrested Development;" not as inspired as the first go-arounds, but we're all just grateful it's back,...

The Houston Texans Are Full Of Political Intrigue
Amazingly, there's all kinds of political strife in the former Soviet land of Georgia. We know. Protests and corruption in Russia; now we've seen everything. Apparently the major opposition party is led by Matt Schaub. They're totally regretting passing on Reggie Bush as the leader of the oppositio...

Jamboroo, Week 10: Featuring Marmalard, A—hole Doctors, Depressed Bunnies, Goldfish, And Lots Of Other Stupid S—t
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon....

Welcome To The NHL, Kid
Toronto Maple Leafs forward Jiri Tlusty is one of the top young prospects in the NHL, and he scored two goals a couple weeks ago despite only being 19 years old. So how is he welcomed to the big time? Some Canadian Perez Hilton knockoff site keeps calling him gay....

This Morning, Ashley Judd Weeps
The college basketball season has barely started — really, it hasn't, not at all — and we've already had three ridiculous upsets (even if two didn't count). This is a welcome break; if you'll remember the NCAA tournament last year, we barely had any. We hope this is a good sign....

Can We Handle Another Undefeated Boston Team?
• Green Day. If there was ever any doubt that Kevin Garnett is the new sheriff in town, this video should help to clear that up. The clip is from the Celtics' win over the Wizards, I think, but kind of illustrates who is really in charge. And that's OK — I wish the NBA would go back to the concept o...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you enjoy some deep-fried cupcakes ... • College football: Ohio at Akron. The only thing bigger is the Super Bowl. [ESPN2] • Golf: PGA European Tour/PGA Tour Australasia, HSBC Champions, first round, at Shanghai. Late-night golf from Shanghai is pretty much whatt he inventors on TV ...

Well, Look Who's In Trouble Again
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was just reinstated to the NFL after an eight-game suspension. That's good. Police are already investigating him for another incident. That's bad....