to Page 782 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Spurs Will Always Be The Damn Spurs
Basketball fans of a certain age will remember a time not so long ago when the San Antonio Spurs were just as reviled for their steady greatness as they were respected for it. Around that time, the league kept producing pretty new things that seemed custom-built to capture the hearts and minds of th...
It's Not Really The Playoffs Until There's A Brad Marchand Controversy
The most irritating man in hockey had returned for the second round of the playoffs after lying relatively dormant in the first, as Bruins forward Brad Marchand is back to inventing petty tricks to get in his opponents’ heads....
Dwayne Haskins Doomed For Up To Four Years As A Washington Quarterback
The Washington football team selected Ohio State quarterback, and Maryland native, Dwayne Haskins with the 15th overall pick in the NFL draft. Haskins fell to Dan Snyder’s vanity project through a combination of other teams focusing on positional needs, or going with strange draft strategies....
Rockets "Intend No Disrespect To Clippers" While Functionally Discounting Any Chance Of Clippers Advancing
The Rockets find themselves in the advantageous position of having closed out their first-round series days ahead of whoever they’ll eventually meet in the second round, giving them a head-start on preparations for the series to come. It would be reasonable, under the circumstances, to tilt the bala...
The Bucks Will Be Without Malcolm Brogdon To Start The Celtics Series, Which Frankly Is Bullcrap
Bucks-Celtics was one of the best and most hotly contested series in last year’s NBA playoffs, and Bucks-Celtics II (The Kyriedux?) promises to be, if nothing else, an opportunity for Super Giannis to triumphantly hurl the team that eliminated him last season into a dumpster. Which is what makes tod...
Baseball's Unwritten Rules Are The Vestiges Of A Drunk And Violent Sport
Chicago White Sox shortstop Tim Anderson is having a very good April, give or take a gratuitous insult to his buttocks. He’s hitting .383, which is second in the AL, and has stolen nine bases, which leads the league. He has popped four home runs, too, which is the issue, here. After one of those hom...
Mike Trout Extends On-Base Streak, Makes Amazing Catch As Angels Lose Yet Again
Mike Trout went 0-for-3 in Wednesday’s game against the Yankees, but he still drew a walk, which meant that in all 22 of the Angels’ games he’s played in this season, the outfielder has gotten on base. While it’s still worth gawking at his .510 OBP, feel free to also gawk at how he made this center-...
The Hurricanes Are Still Here, And We're All Better For It
The Carolina Hurricanes pulled off the last in a string of crazy first-round playoff series upsets on Wednesday night, disrespecting the far more experienced Capitals by wearing them down over two overtimes for a 4-3 win. It was going to be extremely tough for the Canes and the Caps to match the hij...
Justin "Mr. Game 7" Williams Does It Again, Helps The Hurricanes Knock Out The Capitals
The Carolina Hurricanes refused to play their part in their opening-round series against the defending champion Washington Capitals. Arriving in the playoffs for the first time since 2009, the Hurricanes were not the inexperienced youngsters who got taught a lesson about the difficulties of the post...
Rockets Survive Utah's Aggressive Butt Defense, Advance
The Utah Jazz needed a few games to get there, but they finally worked their way into fighting range of the Houston Rockets over the course of their first-round playoff series. The hilarious strategy of defending James Harden’s butt started to yield dividends, and a Rockets offense that scored 122 a...
Vlad Jr. Is Finally, Finally Bringing His Mighty Dingers To The Majors
Huzzah, baseball friends! Vladimir Guerrero Jr., who has been the best and most exciting and most popular player in the Toronto Blue Jays organization for more than a year, is now finally good enough to join the Toronto Blue Jays:...
The Trevor Rosenthal Situation Has Gone From Funny To Gloomy To Dangerous
There can’t be many experiences in sports more bewildering and humiliating than the yips, and any player going through something yip-like deserves sympathy, if not pity. In the case of Nationals reliever Trevor Rosenthal, it especially sucks to think that his current season-long inability to throw s...
The Denver Nuggets' Great Romance Is In Full Bloom Again
“Their chemistry is almost romantic,” Nuggets coach Michael Malone said after an 18-point rout of the Spurs in Game 5 on Tuesday. “They care about each other, they love each other. They play for each other. That’s when we’re at our best.”...
<i>New York Times</i> Washes Justin Gimelstob's Balls, Sees No Issue With Balls-Washer's Conflict Of Interest
The New York Times publishing public-relations material serving the interests of Justin Gimelstob—a powerful figure in tennis whose conduct has over the years ranged from overtly misogynistic to violent and deranged, and who most recently made news by pleading no contest to charges that he hit a man...
Bruins Beat The Leafs In Game 7, Because Time Is Frozen And Reality Is Stuck On Loop
Whether or not you believe in omens or fate or curses or a God who hates Canada, it’s never a good sign when a goalie loses his corporeality for a few crucial seconds in the first period of a Game 7 that a whole country is desperately clinging to as a final hope. With Winnipeg and Calgary both dispa...
Kelli Tennant Says Luke Walton Laughed At Her Pleas During Alleged Hotel Assault
Reporter Kelli Tennant held a press conference Tuesday afternoon to address her lawsuit against Sacramento Kings head coach Luke Walton, who she says sexually assaulted her in a hotel room in late 2014. Tennant’s account included few new details beyond what was reported Monday night—Walton allegedly...
Will Justin Gimelstob's Violent History Ever Make Him A Tennis Pariah?
Justin Gimelstob—the former tennis player and current coach, Tennis Channel commentator, ATP board member, and owner of a television production company who infamously weathered a shitstorm of his own making back in 2008 for being a sexist dick—is one of the most powerful people in tennis. For years...
Shane Long Sets New Premier League Record For Fastest Goal By Scoring In Seven Seconds
Shane Long wasted literally no time putting Southampton up on Watford today, throwing his body in front of a Craig Cathcart pass and running onto the deflected ball before flipping it over Watford’s keeper just 7.69 seconds into the match, making it the fastest goal ever scored in Premier League his...
There Should Be More Sweeps
At halftime of Game 4 in the Bucks-Pistons first-round series, Milwaukee found itself down six and on the verge of squandering the chance to match their potential second-round opponents (the Celtics) in sweeping away an inconsequential foe. Giannis and co. had taken not just a 3-0 lead in the series...