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Ass Team Of The Week: Washington Sucked Down A Doo-Doo Milkshake On Purpose
Not so long ago Washington was a boring football team that nevertheless appeared destined to play in precisely one playoff game, which all Americans could feel comfortable skipping. On Sunday, though, they found themselves down 40-0 to the Giants, a very bad team that was also playing without Odell ...
The Mets Are Ready To Get Weird
It was, from the outside, a quiet day in Las Vegas for the second day of baseball’s winter meetings. Not much stirring; a chilly day in the desert. But inside? Oh, inside, that stove is red fucking hot....
Bulls Rudely Mocked For Jim Boylen's Practice Schedule Following Another Ugly Loss
Fresh off an air-clearing series of meetings having to do with interim head coach Jim Boylen being an overbearing dickweed, the lowly Bulls took the floor Monday night looking to reverse course after a historic beatdown. Their opponent, the Kings, is another team that was supposed to spend this seas...
Nationals Somehow Add New Layers Of Humiliation To Loss Of Bryce Harper
The Nationals have historically acquitted themselves far better in free agency than their fellow DC professional sports teams, at least two of whom are excruciatingly awful at signing players. But in their hurry to announce their franchise-altering failure to retain Bryce Harper, they appear to have...
![Ropes & Gray Nassar Investigation Paints Damning Picture Of USOC And USA Gymnastics [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/yt5dsz3kmac8v0i1swj0.jpg)
Ropes & Gray Nassar Investigation Paints Damning Picture Of USOC And USA Gymnastics [Update]
On Monday, the law firm Ropes & Gray released its 252-page report into the institutional failures that enabled Larry Nassar’s decades-long abuse of women and girls in his role of USA Gymnastics physician. The investigation, which was commissioned by the board of the USOC in February 2018—more than a...
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Glad He No Longer Plays With Selfish Assholes Like Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo obviously loves himself some Cristiano Ronaldo. But you know who Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t love? Teammates who act like Cristiano Ronaldo....
A Note On Drew
Irredeemable Vikings fan and beloved voice of Deadspin Drew Magary has been moved to the injured reserve list after an accident last week. He is receiving the best possible care, is surrounded by his family and friends, and is doing well under the circumstances. We miss his randomly capitalized exub...
Mark Sanchez Did Not, In Fact, Know The Offense
Mark Sanchez was responsible for the first touchdown of the game between Washington and New York. Only problem was that it was a pick-six. On a second-and-11 on his team’s one-yard line late in the first quarter, Sanchez’s first pass of the drive was deflected at the line and taken to the house by C...
Some Basketball Stuff The Chicago Bulls Did While The Boston Celtics Were Beating The Stuffing Out Of Them
So, ah, it didn’t go real great for the Bulls last night, as they played their second game in as many days, at home against the hot and better-rested Boston Celtics. It took the Bulls more than six minutes to score their first point, a free-throw; they were down 18 before they made an actual field g...
Luka Dončić Went Nuts For Two Minutes And Crushed The Rockets<em></em><em></em>
With a little over four minutes remaining in last night’s Rockets-Mavericks game, Chris Paul drove hard at rookie Luka Dončić, then used a step-back dribble (and a, uh, conspicuously extended left elbow) to separate for a short jumper in the middle of the lane. The basket gave the Rockets an eight-p...
Stupid Rules Prevent Former UCLA Player From Winning Free Car After Winning Promotional Contest
College basketball promotional contests have a way of displaying the athletic ineptitude of fellow classmates or visiting alumni to the delight of an observing crowd. But every now and again, someone will show up to dominate the competition in way that’s just as exciting....
Northern Michigan Ices Game Against Rivals With First Goalie Goal In Program History
With less than two minutes left in regulation, the Michigan Tech Huskies pulled their goalie as they attempted to chip away at what was then a 4-2 deficit against their rivals: the Northern Michigan Wildcats. This move gave NMU goaltender Atte Tolvanen the window he needed to make history. Less than...
Nationals Owner Mark Lerner On Bryce Harper: "I Really Don't Expect Him To Come Back"
The Bryce Harper free agency sweepstakes are underway, and the Nationals seem to already know where they stand in the race. Their offer to Harper, which was first reported last month, is somewhere in the range of 10 years and $300 million. That is probably less than other interested parties will pu...
Welcome To Football Hell
Football can be perfect and beautiful. It can also suck complete and total ass for everyone involved. Today, we travel to Mankato, Minn. for the latter experience....
Elias Pettersson Made Another Sick-Ass Play
Nashville Predators netminder Pekka Rinne may be the best goaltender in the NHL. Last season, he led the league in goals saved above average, and so far this year, his goals against average is tops in the league at 1.96, with a .931 save percentage to boot. Rinne is incredible at his job, in short, ...
The Suns Are Melting Down
The Phoenix Suns were never expected to resolve into a good team this year, but they at least seemed ready to play some fun, occasionally winning basketball. Devin Booker was all set to continue his ascent and become one of the best pure scorers in the league, Trevor Ariza was there to provide some ...
Sleepy Dad LeBron Got His Rest And The Spurs Paid The Price
Last week LeBron James went on wine-drunk lifehacker Tim Ferriss’s podcast to talk about the day-to-day maintenance of one of the most natural wonders on earth: that is, his body. Among other fine-grained details, James said he listens to the “rain on leaves” sound all night long, and that he sleeps...
Here’s Bill Walton On Jay-Z, The Pacific Northwest, And Ex-Idaho Sen. Larry Craig’s “Wide Stance”
Gonzaga played Washington last night. It was a pretty good game! Rui Hachimura hit a foul-line jumper with less than a second left to give the Bulldogs the win. But, obviously, this exciting 81-79 game was overshadowed by Bill Walton’s announcing, who was working with play-by-play announcer Dave Pas...
Reports: Alex Smith's Leg Surgery Led To Serious Infection
It’s been nearly two weeks since Washington quarterback Alex Smith had emergency surgery after breaking his tibia and fibula in a game against the Texans. Smith had his surgery on Nov. 18, and now it’s been revealed that complications from that surgery have left him fighting an infection and that he...