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U.S. Open Fan Who Dunked Chicken Tender Into Soda: "People Are Telling Me I Should Go To Jail"
The most repulsive thing at the U.S. Open this weekend wasn’t John Millman’s shirt or Tennys Sandgren’s personality, but this chicken tender dipped into a soda by a woman in the stands. Fox 5 found Alexa Greenfield, the bold flavor revolutionary (or gross weirdo, depending on your worldview) and got...
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...
Fancy Dog Tom Brady Is A Bad Dog!
Longtime Vikings trainer Fred Zamberletti died Sunday morning, at the age of 86. Zamberletti served in some capacity within the Vikings organization from 1961 to this year, holding down the job of senior consultant and team historian since 2002. Randy Moss, who started his Hall of Fame career with t...
Elena Delle Donne Balled The Fuck Out On One Leg To Keep The Mystics' Postseason Alive
A standout playoff performance from a former MVP in a do-or-die game isn’t exactly outside of the realm of normalcy—but it is if that player only has one knee at full strength....
John Elway And The Broncos Admit Defeat On First-Round Pick Paxton Lynch
Broncos GM John Elway’s reputation for assessing quarterback talent took another hit today when the team announced that they were cutting Paxton Lynch from their 53-man roster to make room for Kevin Hogan. Denver took Lynch in the first round of the 2016 NFL Draft with the 26th overall pick....
Antonio Gates Lives To Play Another Season
Antonio Gates’s fight against Father Time will go for another round as the 38-year-old tight end signed a one-year deal Sunday to return to the Los Angeles Chargers, for what will be his 16th season with the organization....
Elena Delle Donne Will Somehow Start Game 4 After Nasty Knee Injury
Elena Delle Donne is listed as a starter for the Washington Mystics in their do-or-die Game 4 semifinal matchup against the Atlanta Dream Sunday afternoon. I am sure you will join me in saying please don’t make me watch the video of her knee bending backwards like al dente linguine again....
FBI's NCAA Investigation Bags Sleazy Financial Adviser For Bribing Assistant Coaches For Access To Players' Future Wealth
Not everything dredged up in the big FBI investigation of recruiting violations in college basketball is worth the attention of federal law enforcement. An apparel company funneling actual money to elite players so they’ll play for elite basketball programs, for example, is a function of a blackmark...
Tottenham's Son Heung-Min Avoids Compulsory Military Service With South Korean Gold Medal At Asian Games
Here’s some happy news, especially for Tottenham fans and, uhh, the friends and family of members of South Korea’s national soccer team: Forward Son Heung-min, facing two years of compulsory service in the South Korean military, has earned an exemption via the only route available—a gold medal in th...
In Stunning Role Reversal, Tony Romo Advances On Opponent's Choke-Job
Tony Romo advanced to the first stage of Web.com Tour qualifying on Friday, after shooting a 2-over 74 to finish tied for 37th at Lantana Golf Club near Dallas. The finish left Romo just one measly shot short of the cut, a devastatingly slim margin. But! Fortune turned Romo’s way when an opponent ch...
Gio González Takes A Break From Weeping To Reassure Brewers PR People: "But I'm Happy! I Am Happy."
The Nationals traded lefty starter Gio Gonzalez to the Milwaukee Brewers on Friday, the last day that players can move between teams and remain eligible to play in the postseason. Gonzalez has been in Washington since 2012; during that time he’s gotten married, had a couple kids, and entrenched hims...
Reports: Andrew McCutchen To Become The Yankees' Very Likable Backup Plan
According to multiple reports, the San Francisco Giants will trade soon-to-be free agent Andrew McCutchen to the Yankees ahead of Friday night’s final deadline to acquire players who will be eligible for the postseason. The Giants will receive a package headlined by mid-tier infield prospect Abiatal...
BREAKING: College Football Programs Juice Their Attendance Numbers
Official attendance numbers—at any sporting event—are almost always lies, at least in the sense that they rarely represent the actual number of fans who both paid for a ticket and showed up to the game. We know that instinctively; it’s not a shocking revelation to see it proved as fact. But thanks t...
Feds Investigating Former Kings Exec For Reportedly Stealing $13.4 Million To Buy Beach Houses
According to a report from the Sacramento Bee, former Kings exec Jeffrey David embezzled $13.4 million from two Kings sponsors and used the money to buy beach houses in Southern California. David allegedly took $9 million from Golden 1 Credit Union, title sponsor for the Kings arena, and another $4....
NCAA Lets Michigan State Off The Hook In Nassar Case
This week the NCAA informed Michigan State in a letter that it had concluded its investigation into how the athletic department handled Larry Nassar’s abuse of student-athletes, and how the school handled allegations of assault against members of the basketball and football teams. Their decision: Cl...
Tom Jurich's Kid Throws Wild Hissy Fit Over The Location Of His Disgraced Dad's Louisville Tickets
Mark Jurich, son of former Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich, is extremely, extremely pissed about the location of the 20 years’ worth of tickets granted to his family as part of his dad’s termination last autumn. The tickets are not the tickets they’re used to, and Mark is reading an awful lo...
Was This Raccoon Witch Cursing The Baltimore Orioles? An Investigation
The Baltimore Orioles came into Wednesday night a horrendous 52.5 games out of first place in the AL East, and an equally shocking and horrifying 40.5 games back of the AL Wild Card. All of that sucking and losing happened before 8:33 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, when it was announced that this devi...
Tyler White's Unlikely Walk-Off Dinger Set An MLB Single-Season Record
The Astros won 5-4 today in the final game of a three-game series against the Athletics, after DH Tyler White hit a walk-off bomb. White’s homer not only extended Houston’s lead in the AL West to 2.5 games, but set a neat little MLB record, too....
Javier Pastore Escaped His Gilded Cage And Is Back Doing Crazy Shit On The Field
If you were to name a poster boy for the phenomenon of promising young talents who join the game’s richest clubs only to find themselves spending more time watching soccer than playing it, Javier Pastore would be a perfectly credible choice. Now, after finally deciding to step out from the bejeweled...
J.D. Martinez Follows In The Footsteps Of Red Sox Greats, Like Curt Schilling
Red Sox outfielder J.D. Martinez will always have a gun on him, according to his 2013 Instagram post featuring a quote never actually said by Hitler. Wouldn’t that be dangerous if he dove for a fly ball?...