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Cardio And Pooping: A Chart Of Every MLB Player Who Reportedly Lost Or Gained Weight This Offseason (And Why)
Every spring training, seemingly every other ballplayer shows up to camp and declares himself "in the best shape of my life." Our pal Craig Calcaterra over at HardballTalk has done yeoman's work on this phenomenon over the years, but we wanted to know more: Who gained weight? Who lost weight? How mu...

<i>Silent House</i> And The Rise Of The Gimmicky Horror Movie
On Friday, the horror movie Silent House comes out. One of its selling points is that it stars Elizabeth Olsen—who was terrific last year in a very different sort of horror film, Martha Marcy May Marlene—but probably the hook that will be most intriguing to genre fans is that the whole movie takes p...

"It Ain't Midnight Yet, Y'all!" High School Hoops Announcer Loses His Mind Yet Again
Bravo, Brian Snow. We didn't think there was any way you could top last Friday night's trachea-shredding performance, as the Marist RedHawks hit a late three to win the 4A regional final over Curie, 63-62. No, there was no way you could top that one. ...

Peyton Manning Should Sign With Every Team In The NFL, According To Internet
On Peyton Manning's first day of free agency, the Internet decided he should play ... everywhere: ...

Excerpts From The Long-Lost Script For <em>Monday Night Football: The Cartoon</em>
So total at the time was Cosell's saturation of culture that Irwin Weiner, an ABC Sports vice president for twenty years, once came up with a concept for a Saturday morning kids' series called "Monday Night Football: The Cartoon", one that would turn Cosell, Gifford and Meredith into animated charac...

They Don't Make Alien-Punching Movies Like They Used To. <em>John Carter</em>, Reviewed.
1. I know that the main reason John Carter exists right now is because the technology is available to produce it, that you can have armies of CGI characters that don't look ridiculous, that you can invent sprawling vistas of Mars desert, that you can have spaceships crash into spaceships crash into ...

Marlins President Calls Miamians Stupid, Jose Reyes Greedy
If you know anything about the sweetheart deal the city gave the Marlins to build a new stadium, you know team president David Samson basically bent Miami over a pinball machine and had his way with it. But he's far from done with the humiliation—with his remarks to a gathering of local business lea...

The End Of Peyton Manning As You Know Him
The Colts have called a press conference for noon today to formally announce the release of Peyton Manning. Manning will be there. Jim Irsay will be there, in between tweeting Bachman-Turner Overdrive lyrics. We've been building to this moment for months now, ever since Manning was unofficially rule...

The "Scam Cup": How A Very American TV Event Gives U.S. Gymnasts A Leg Up On The Olympic Competition
If you listen to USA Gymnastics and NBC, it's one of the most important Olympic tune-ups. If you listen to the rest of the world, it's a glorified showcase for American athletes. So maybe it's fitting that the American Cup's highest-scoring female gymnast wasn't even entered in the competition. ...

Western Kentucky Is Going Dancing
Congratulations to the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, who in beating North Texas 74-70 won the Sun Belt Conference tournament and punched their ticket to the dance. This is the same WKU that lost to a team playing six players then fired its coach for it. [ESPN2]...

Is It OK For A Movie Trailer To Lie? Or, Why <em>Friends With Kids</em> Is Definitely Not <em>Bridesmaids 2</em>
Last October, a Detroit woman named Sarah Deming filed suit against FilmDistrict for its misleading advertisements for the film Drive. Her claim was that the film's trailers had led her to believe the film was about driving rather than, you know, Ryan Gosling stomping in the orbital bones of various...

The Scandal Is What The Media's NCAA Scandal Cops Think Is A Scandal
We've been around the block with Yahoo's scandal hunters a time or two, but this latest scoop is really reductioing their worst absurdum into the ground:...

Wait, Chris Berman Gave How Much Money To Joe Lieberman?!
Your letters:...

For The First Time, The NCAA Selection Committee Reveals How The Brackets Are Built
There is no more compelling broadcast in sports than the unveiling of a bracket. We see it with the quadrennial World Cup draw, and this Sunday is the single most anticipated and controversial day of the college basketball season: Selection Sunday, when 68 teams find out where they're going and who ...

The Real Outrage Of The Saints Bounty Scandal
This is an offseason edition of the NFL roundtable, a partnership between Deadspin and Slate. For more roundtable goodness, go back and read every entry from the 2011 season, from the preseason to the Super Bowl....

Bristolmetrics: Apocalypse Comes To Daytona Beach, And A Female Athlete Is Mentioned 16 Times On <em>SportsCenter</em>
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week. Graphic by Jim Cooke....

Inside The Spring Training Market For $4 Porn
Excerpted from former Padre and Blue Jay Dirk Hayhurst's splendid new book, Out of My League, a true chronicle of life as a pitcher bouncing between the minor leagues and the show. Some names have been changed....

Bountygate Gives Roger Goodell Another Chance To Show You What A Big Dick He Has
I'd like to thank Gregg Williams for inspiring the single stupidest blog post headline of the year, from Frank Bruni of The New York Times. You can tell a sports scandal has reached its wear-out phase if Bruni feels compelled to chime in on it. Anyway, here's the headline:...

Meet The Convicted Felon Who Defrauded The NFL, Made Reggie Bush Ineligible, And Funded The Saints' Bounty Program
If the NFL were to punish every team that ran a bounty program, there are very few teams they wouldn't have to punish. That's becoming obvious in the wake of the Saints' bounty scandal, and in the parade of stories making clear that money is going to be a large factor in the league's investigation. ...

LeBron James: Purse Aficionado
There's so many great things about this screencap. First, LeBron is carrying a purse. ("It's not a purse, it's European!") What could possibly fit into such a tiny bag? ...