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The Condom Follies. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Live Chat With Doug Glanville
Doug's down in the comments, for the next hour or so. Buy the book, ask him stuff, then buy the book again....

Cleveland Luminaries Join Forces To Win LeBron's Heart Through Terrible Song (CARL MONDAY UPDATE)
UPDATE: Yeah, that's Carl Monday at the 1:57 mark....

Is The Best Buy Geek Squad Stealing Your Donkey Porn?
No time to waste. My hand hurts a lot from talking with my kid while using a cow puppet yesterday. I used the puppet for, like, an hour. Now I have carpal tunnel. Lamest injury ever? Lamest injury ever. Fucking cow puppet. Right to the letters:...

Join Us For A Live Chat With Doug Glanville Tomorrow At 2pm EDT
The baseball player who was smarter than you is now an author who is smarter than you. Glanville will be here tomorrow to discuss his new book, "The Game From Where I Stand," as well as other germane topics....

An Illustrated Timeline Of The Maria Menounos "Shit Talking" Crisis
This morning, on ESPN's popular variety program First Take, TV personality Maria Menounos, speaking to Jay Crawford, said that she enjoyed live-Tweeting NBA games because she got to engage in "shit talking" with her followers. The Twitterverse went to DEFCON-2. A timeline....

Tim Donaghy's Bad Beat Of The Week: An Ice-Bucket Night In Miami
A weekly feature in which Tim Donaghy, the former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, tells us a sad gambling story. The standard caveats apply....

In Which We Get Sucked Into A Crazy Dog Show Feud
Remember the Dog Show? Little did I know when I posted this photo, I would open up the door to one man's insane quarrel with the pictured handler, and receive a letter that's ten kinds of nuts....

Sixteen-Year-Old High School Basketball Star Is Actually 22-Year-Old Liar
Jerry Joseph was simply living the American dream—lying about his age so that he could go back to high school and relive his glory days as the big man on campus. Didn't Bob Dylan sing about this?...

Are Happy Facebook Assholes Really That Happy?
I grind my teeth at night. I've done it all my life, and it's so bad that the sharp ends of my cuspids have been sanded down flat. Which means I totally can't be a phony vampire anymore....

Dallas Braden's Perfecto: A Musical Retrospective
Dallas Braden became the world's most notable mound-owning, finger-mustache-tattoo enthusiast on Sunday when he threw the 19th perfect game in MLB history. To celebrate, here are all 27 outs set to a song Braden undoubtedly likes. [Tune-age via The Misfits]...

Fake Yo-Yo Trickster Fools Every TV Station Everywhere
A strange, strange man has been showing up on morning shows throughout the Midwest, claiming to be a yo-yo trick champion. He is not. He is actually terrible at yo-yo. Yet he keeps getting on the air....

Chat With Will Leitch Until He Drops (UPDATE: He's Dropped)
Will's in the comments, and he will remain there until you're through with him. Remember to read his book, Are We Winning Ben Stein's Money? And read this, too, while you're at it. UPDATE: He's done, just shy of the three-hour mark....

The Tiger Woods Injury-Condition Flub You've Been Waiting For All Day
Tiger Woods' bulging disc has forced him to exit The Players Championship and occasioned a Freudian moment from one unfortunate Golf Channel reporter, who called the injury a "bulging dick." H/T Michael....

How To Change A Fucking Diaper
In honor of Mother's Day, and with a nod to The Awl, here is your belligerent guide to changing a kid's filth-laden diaper. You're welcome, assholes....

Join Us Monday For A Marathon Live Chat With Will Leitch
Leitch will be taking your questions at 1 p.m. tomorrow — about his book, about whatever — and he says he'll hang around until you have none left. We're gunning for your record, Neyer....

Miami University Had The Pukiest, Poopiest, Sexiest Spring Formal Ever
On April 9, 2010, Miami University's Pi Beta Phi fraternity for women held a spring formal at the quaint Lake Lyndsay Lodge in Hamilton, Ohio. The sloppy, slutty details of what transpired that boozy enchanted evening are tremendous....

Sign Up For The Deadspin Facebook Group Now And Receive Another Celebrity Phone Number
Who will it be this week? An ex-athlete? A porn star? A former comedian now better known for doing voiceovers in cartoons? A former bass player for Quiet Riot? Sign up for the Deadspin Facebook group and find out!...

Private Stache: Magic The Gathering
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Tell Me How My Class Tastes: Scenes From The Worst NFL Draft Party Ever
This is, on the surface, the tale of the lamest NFL Draft party of all time. But it's also a story about class and about fans who project their own anxieties on their favorite teams and about teams that respond in kind....