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Brother, Can You Spare A Dime...For Johnny Damon Or Xavier Nady?
So, you hear about that Stanford guy (no, not that one) who stole all the money that Bernie Madoff missed? Well, Johnny Damon and Xavier Nady's assets have been frozen while the Feds investigate....

The Emmitt Smith Era At ESPN Sadly Comes To An End
The Dallas Morning News has broken the news as gently as possible, but it still stings: after two glorious years of broadcasting gold, Emmitt Smith is out at ESPN....

Rick Reilly Still Unimpressed With Blogs, But Wants Everyone To Know He Actually Likes The Sports Fella
Newsday's Neil Best caught up with Rick Reilly to talk about ESPN's "Mt. Rushmore Of Sports" thing and, of course, the conversation turned toward Reilly's favorite topics again: Bill Simmons and blogs....

20 Minutes In Heaven: Our Ladies Plot Their A-Rod Couch Bunny Strategy
It's Waxing Off, the only Deadspin feature with a toy surprise inside. This week's topic: What would you do if you had 20 minutes in a private club booth with Alex Rodriguez?...

The One Where Jamal Anderson Gets Kicked Out Of The Closet Again
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Alex Rodriguez's Story Begins To Unravel
They always say that it's not the crime that ruins you—it's the cover up. Well, if the latest reports about Alex Rodriguez are true, his "confession" may have done more harm than good....

Locker Room Horror Stories: Colorado State Edition
Following are excerpts from an anonymous letter sent to school administrators at Colorado State, reporting harassment and abuse allegedly perpetrated by four Rams football players against another student in the men's locker room....

Meet A-Rod's Cousin's Trainer
Everyone is dying to know more about this mysterious "cousin" that Alex Rodriguez refused to identify, and it turns out the cousin is not imaginary! He's been identified...and now begins the hunt....

Cole Hamels Should Really Not Let His Wife Speak In Public
The Philadelphia Phillies' ace and his wife, former"Survivor" temptress, Heidi Strobel, have decided to use their good fortune and popularity to add the latest Hollywood accessory to their young family: AIDS orphans....

Alabama High School Basketball Bedlam
The massive Tuesday night brawl between Montgomery's G.W. Carver High School and Valley High resulted multiple arrests, multiple ejections, and still no winner. Video after the jump....

Alex Rodriguez Is Emotional, Dumb
The media finally got their crack at Alex Rodriguez today. We didn't learn much that was new, but there is a moral to the story that comes shining through: Alex Rodriguez is not a smart guy....

A Michael Vick Defender Anonymously Steps Forward To Offer Perspective
Michael Vick may return to the NFL for the 2009-10 season and The Modern Spectator offers one of the more entertainingly honest takes on this reality. Especially if you value human life over pets....

Nobody Circles The Bedouins Like The Buffalo Bills Cheerleaders
Julie Dermansky is a New York photojournalist currently on freelance assignment in Iraq, where her next-door neighbors in the Baghdad hotel in which she's staying happen to be the Buffalo Bills cheerleaders....

Ballroom Dancing, Now With 90% More Crotch Exposure
So, here's what happens when you try to make your wife happy by watching something other than sports. Needless to say, it's NSFW....

The Slam Dunk Contest Live Blog, Where Everything's Between 9 And 10
Also, everything's worth two points and millionaire athletes break out an arsenal of props that would make Carrot Top blush. Sounds like fun!...

Jeff Reed Freaks Out On Paper Towel Machine, Convenience Store Workers
If this case of criminal mischief involved any other professional athlete, it would be moderately surprising. Alas, it's Pittsburgh Steelers' kicker Jeff Reed, whose behavior continues to baffle and amuse....

And The No. 1 College Sports Town In The Nation Is ...
Ann Arbor. Which narrowly beats out Palo Alto, home to quiet, bucolic Stanford University. [Forbes]...

The One With Jamal Anderson's Other (Alleged!) Bathroom Stall Activities
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another. (NSFW)...

In Which Our Ladies Deconstruct The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
Time once again for Waxing Off, the feature that was the first on the internet to mix mime and food. This week: The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition....

FBI To Tackle Baffling Super Bowl Porn Case
Never fear America: The FBI is making sure that there will never again be an incident of Super Bowl TV porn. However, all anthrax letters will be delivered as usual....