top Page 82 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
"Athletic" Shawn Johnson Retires: How Gymnastics Talks About Bodies In Code
On Sunday, former world and Olympic champion gymnast Shawn Johnson, 20, retired from gymnastics. Citing a bum knee, she withdrew from this coming weekend's national championships, the first competitive step towards the 2012 Olympic team....
How To Tell Your Family That Your Cousin Is A Porn Star
Before we get into the Funbag, a quick announcement: I'll be out in D.C. tomorrow night handling the introduction at Justin Halpern's book reading at the Sixth & I Synagogue (Gregg Easterbrook would not approve). I should tell you in advance that you have to pay to go to this thing, which is a pain ...
Counterpoint: Johan Santana Is The Ideal Met To Have Thrown A No-Hitter
So, this. "Do Mets Fans Wish Someone Else Had Thrown Their First No-Hitter?"...
Our Readers' Run-Ins With Virgil, Pro Wrestling's Saddest Man
Yesterday we discovered the wonder and depression of Lonely Virgil, a single-serving Tumblr chronicling the descent of the onetime WWF and WCW "superstar" into a deserted wastleland of comic conventions and indie show parking lots. And then we heard from readers. You people have met Virgil over the ...
When You Kiss The Ladies, Do It On Camera: How Richard Dawson Beat Bob Barker And Everyone Else
Richard Dawson is not dead. He is available on Television, which is now available on the Internet....
How A Career Ends: I Was The No. 1 Pick In The MLB Amateur Draft, And Now I'm A Cautionary Tale
Tell Me When It's Over is an interview series in which we ask former athletes about the moment they knew their playing days were over. Today, with the MLB amateur draft beginning in a matter of hours: Pitcher David Clyde, the No. 1 pick in the 1973 draft and now an object lesson in how not to handle...
Rajon Rondo Was Surly And Surgical Last Night
Last night the Celtics tied the Heat at 2-2 in the Eastern Conference finals, which is good news if you want to watch a competitive series. It's even better news if you want to watch Rajon Rondo play incredible basketball....
Who Loves You And Who Do You Love? Richard Dawson, Fantastic '80s Movie Villain
If you were to rank the movies I have seen more than any others in my life, you wouldn't find many classics on there, no Kurosawa, no Kubrick, no Billy Wilder. (Though Some Like It Hot might come close.) The movies I have seen repeatedly are the ones I saw because they were my only options; they wer...
How The Kings Toughened Up And Conquered The NHL
There are two central oddities in the New Jersey Devils-Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup final, which the Kings lead 2-0 after two overtime wins. One is that the Kings were an eight seed with a meager plus-15 goal differential during the regular season, an eight seed that went 5-2-3 in its last 10 game...
Tiger Woods Streaks Back To Win The Memorial Thanks To This Astounding Chip-In At 16
He's back! Maybe! While Tiger Woods is casting a somewhat-less-imposing shadow these days (blame the therapeutic shoes) his round today was nothing short of amazing—battling illness, he came from behind to win the Memorial in Dublin, increase his tour ranking to #4, and inspire the sort of expect...
Does Our Mystery Mets Dong Belong To Ike Davis?
Last night we showed you a sneak peak inside the Mets locker room provided by SNY. Today, an industrious reddit user has taken several context clues and mashed them together with a few inferences and a dash of "sure, I measured the length between my penis and the floor" to come to the conclusion th...
Johan Santana Just Threw The First No-Hitter In New York Mets History
With a masterful 134-pitch effort against the St. Louis Cardinals, Johan Santana just tossed the New York Mets' first-ever no-hitter tonight at Citi Field. The accomplishment occurred in the franchise's 8,020th game. ...
Cockblocked By Asthma!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
What Compression Gear Will And Won't (Mostly Won't) Do For You
What if pants could make me a better runner? With a half-marathon ahead of me, I decided it was time to try compression tights for training. As I struggled to pull a pair onto my slightly overweight legs, I could feel the skintight fabric transforming them from slack to firm, without any flexing. I ...
Who Gave The Green Light To Release The Saints' Bounty Tape?
When documentary filmmaker Sean Pamphilon released the Bountygate audio back in early April, was he acting on his own? The recording, a now-infamous four-minute clip of New Orleans Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams telling his players to "kill the fucking head" against the 49ers, was made ...
The 11th Pick In The MLB Player Draft Is Cursed, According To Science
In a perfect world, the first person selected in the Major League Baseball First-Year Player Draft every year would be the best performing player from that crop. The second player would perform slightly below that, and so on and so forth. Of course, it doesn't work that way. For every Ken Griffey Jr...
Your Scripps National Spelling Bee Live Blog
You know what the national spelling needs to make it even more compelling? INJURIES. No one ever gets physically injured during a spelling bee. Oh sure, there's extensive PSYCHOLOGICAL damage that occurs when children get eliminated and their dads won't even give them a hug when they get escorted ba...
Pissed-Off College Student Leaves Greatest Voicemail Ever
If you've ever attended school at any level, you know how infuriating it can be when some dipshit administrator screws up your paperwork and sticks you in the wrong class. Or even worse, when they actively try to prevent you from switching out of that class into the class you wanted. Well, one br...
Rajon Rondo Is Beautiful And Hopelessly Alone And Playing Fuck-You Basketball
Last night against the Heat, Rajon Rondo put up 44 points, eight rebounds, 10 assists, and three steals while committing just three turnovers. He played every single minute of a game that went into overtime and was undoubtedly the best player on the floor on a night that included five future Hall of...