tree Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tottenham Couldn't Go 30 Seconds Without Punching Themselves In The Dick
Not even 30 seconds had passed before Tottenham decided to turn up their Spursiness and put themselves in a goal-sized hole against Liverpool in the Champions League final. ...
Adley Rutschman Intimidated Cincinnati Enough To Get Walked With The Bases Loaded
If there’s any player you should familiarize yourself with before this year’s MLB Draft, it’s Oregon State catcher Adley Rutschman. The junior is listed as the consensus No. 1 overall pick by nearly every draft board because of things like his .419/.580/.765 slash line, his ability to get walked twi...
England's Ben Stokes Makes An Absurd Catch In Cricket World Cup Opener
This year’s Cricket World Cup opened in London on Thursday, with hosts England facing off against South Africa. That’s where England all-rounder Ben Stokes made this spectacular backwards catch while running toward the boundary to dismiss batsman Andile Phehlukwayo, which the commentator described a...
Raptors Fight Off Every Warriors Push To Grab A Comfortable Game 1 Victory
In retrospect, we had a pretty solid indication that things were turning Toronto’s way in the build up to their Game 1 victory over the Warriors:...
Large Norwegian Teen Scores Nine Goals In One Game In U-20 World Cup
This is Erling Braut Håland. The 6-foot-3 Norwegian is 18 years old, and he looks like a lock to be cast as Thor in the certainly forthcoming Teen Avengers movie. He also scored nine times in today’s game against Honduras in the U-20 World Cup as Norway romped to a record-breaking 12-0 win....
The Dodgers Did What They Are Built To Do: Hurt People
You can look at what happened to the Mets in Los Angeles last night—blowing an 8-3 lead in the final three innings and getting walked off by the Dodgers—as yet another example of the hopeless and bumbling Mets hopelessly bumbling to an embarrassing result. That’s fair enough, because the Mets are th...
Now Here Is A Preposterous Catch From Jonathan Davis
Sure, this insane highlight stab from Blue Jays outfielder Jonathan Davis came in the first inning of Wednesday night’s game at Tampa, but there were some stakes: the out kept two runs off the board after Toronto’s offense gave starter Trent Thornton a 2–0 lead, and got Thornton out of a tight spot....
78 Seconds Of Batshit Argentine Soccer Features Violent Tackles, Tears, Unconscionable Flopping
Argentine soccer is plagued by a bullshit macho culture where the biggest sin is losing and the biggest virtue is lunging about, heedlessly throwing your body into as many opponents as possible to prove how large your testicles are. For a short clip demonstrating the anarchic, violent, dive-y style ...
Marlins Cast-Off Derek Dietrich Is Now A Mashing God For The Reds
Derek Dietrich came to the Cincinnati Reds over the winter via a minor league contract, after playing the first six years of his career with the Miami Marlins. This all transpired with very little fanfare, in part because Dietrich has never been an especially consequential player. Before now, that i...
We've A New Contender For The Title Of Worst Ceremonial First Pitch Of All Time
The look on the face White Sox pitcher Evan Marshall, doing the catching for the ceremonial first pitch ahead of Tuesday night’s Royals-White Sox game, tells you something. That is not the expression of a man who has a lot of confidence in the person doing the hurling. That expression says this may ...
Avisaíl García Had Just The Absolute Dumbest Inside-The-Park Dinger
Avisaíl García, the disorienting ceiling at the Trop, and the atrocious eyesight of Randal Grichuk all combined to give the Rays’ DH an atypical, embarrassing, inside-the-park dong during the Toronto-Tampa game on Tuesday night. In the third inning, facing Clayton Richard, García hit a high fly int...
Mallex Smith Circled The Bases In The Coolest Of Ways
You can keep your filthy “dingers,” your “dongs,” your “mashed taters,” you damn dirty apes! Corkscrew yourselves into hell for all I care! Give me a ruthless speedster thieving his way around the bases, as the Mariners’ Mallex Smith did to the pathetic Rangers in the bottom of the eighth inning las...
Daniel Vogelbach Hit A Homer So Meaty It Could Feed A Family Of Four
Look at the faces. No, not at the mugs of the guy at the plate or the guy on the mound, although you’ll find expressions of optimism and helplessness, respectively. Look into the stands, and gaze at all the “O”s on those fans’ faces, their expressions turning them into some kind of poorly organized ...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Got His Shit Wrecked
While he may not be carving up defense in MLS like he was during the second half of last season anymore, old man Wayne Rooney is still one of the league’s top scoring threats and teams are still figuring out the best way to stop him. The latest creative attempt came from New England Revolution keepe...
Mike Yastrzemski Disappoints Wife While Trying To Get To Second Base
Yet another relative of a Hall of Famer was promoted to the majors this past weekend. Mike Yastrzemski, grandson of Red Sox great Carl Yastrzemski, got the call up to join the dysfunctional Giants on Saturday, where he made his debut against the Diamondbacks. Yastrzemski finally got the first hit of...
Orioles' Keon Broxton Lost Track Of A Wall And Allowed A Pitcher To Hit A Two-Run RBI Triple
Baltimore’s trip to Coors Field has been a relative success by the realistic standards the team has likely set for themselves—Baltimore not only took one of the three games in the series, but also allowed fewer than 50 home runs during that span—so it was only a matter of time until the Orioles regr...
Cavan Biggio Proves There's Enough Room In Toronto For Two Dinger-Mashing Sons Of Cooperstown Greats
The Toronto Blue Jays made history on Friday when they called up Cavan Biggio to the Majors. If Cavan’s last name sounds familiar to you, it’s because Cavan is the son of Astros legend Craig Biggio. As a result of that connection, the Blue Jays became the first team in Major League history to have t...
White Sox Turn Ho-Hum, Unsatisfying Triple Play
You’d think anything as rare and unlikely as a triple play would include plenty of thrills and chills, possibly one or two spills, even the odd Phil. Back in August the Rangers turned a triple play that could be described as “pretty cool.” Last April the Mariners turned one on a brain goof that a pe...
Mashing Titan Josh Bell Sends Another Worthless Baseball Screaming Into Hell
Friends and dinger lovers, rejoice! The mighty works of Josh Bell continue unabated into the summer. In the second inning of Wednesday night’s Rockies-Pirates game, foolish mortal Jon Gray left a puny 87-mile-per-hour changeup up in the zone, and Bell promptly sent it to the Cenobites for an eternit...
High School Soccer Player Scores Wondergoal With His Butt
Aside from the arms, every part of the human body is fair game when it comes to scoring goals in soccer. We’ve seen Clint Dempsey score with his dick, and Chicharito score off his face. But it takes a true visionary to turn away from the action, thrust out your hips, and do it with the butt....