tree Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Paulo Dybala Learns What It's Like To Play With Cristiano Ronaldo
Here is what would’ve been Paulo Dybala’s equalizing wondergoal in the last seconds of Juventus’s 2-1 loss to Young Boys in the Champions League yesterday, if only the referee hadn’t ruled it out for Cristiano Ronaldo’s offside interference, which maybe/probably wouldn’t have been called had Ronaldo...
Imagine Your Boss Is Michael Jordan, And Imagine He's Angry Enough To Hit You
The Hornets came back from a 12-point second-half deficit to topple the Detroit Pistons Wednesday night, by the score of 108–107. The ending was dramatic: the Hornets went on a 13–0 run to go from down 101-91 with about six minutes on the clock to up 104-101 with 47 seconds left in regulation. The ...
Spencer Dinwiddie Channels His Inner Steph Curry, Torches The 76ers
Spencer Dinwiddie is a good basketball man with a good name and a slick, good-looking offensive game. He’s spent all but the first 46 games of his four-plus years in the NBA on miserable, rebuilding Brooklyn teams, which means neither his fun basketball skills nor his delightful personality have got...
Thomas Müller Sent Off For Karate-Kicking Opponent Upside The Head Like A True Maniac
Bayern Munich will advance into the Champions League knockout rounds atop their group after a wild draw with Ajax today that saw two red cards within eight minutes of each other and four goals after the 82nd minute. Bayern had to score their equalizing and go-ahead goals without Thomas Müller on the...
It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan
Try, if only for a moment, to go inside the mind of a Manchester United fan....
Goal Disallowed After Puck Ricochets Off Unfortunate Referee's Dick And Balls
The Florida Panthers are up on the St. Louis Blues by the score of 1–0 in the second period Tuesday night. The score looked for a moment like it would be tied at one goal apiece, after Blues defenseman Robert Bortuzzo beat Roberto Luongo in, um, unconventional fashion:...
Ousmane Dembélé Clowns Two Tottenham Defenders And Dunks The Ball Into The Net
Ousmane Dembélé just gave Barcelona the lead against Tottenham in the Champions League by flying past defender Kyle Walker-Peters with an absolutely insulting big touch and then sitting midfielder Harry Winks on his ass with his trademark fake shot before slamming the ball past goalkeeper Hugo Llori...
Of Course Lionel Messi Has Become A Master Of Free Kicks
Lionel Messi is slowing down. It’s a painful thing to admit, but it’s true. As the old saw goes, Father Time is undefeated, and there is no greater testament to how unbelievable Messi was at his peak than the fact that he remains far and away the best player in the world in spite of Father Time’s ef...
Bulls Rudely Mocked For Jim Boylen's Practice Schedule Following Another Ugly Loss
Fresh off an air-clearing series of meetings having to do with interim head coach Jim Boylen being an overbearing dickweed, the lowly Bulls took the floor Monday night looking to reverse course after a historic beatdown. Their opponent, the Kings, is another team that was supposed to spend this seas...
Russell Wilson, What, And Why, And What
The Seahawks went into halftime of their Monday Night Football clash against the Vikings* holding a 3–0 lead. It wasn’t a real pretty half of football. Kirk Cousins and Russell Wilson combined for 71 yards of passing on 20 attempts, and the teams put together exactly two drives of anything that cou...
The Bears' Trick Play Was A Work Of Beefy Genius
Last night’s game between the Rams and Bears, a 15-6 victory for Chicago, has everyone talking about the power of the Bears’ defense. And with good reason! When you go out there and throttle one of the best offenses in the league in the middle of a high-scoring era like this one, you deserve to be t...
Steelers Waste Amazing Hook-And-Ladder Play Against Raiders With Smelly Wet Fart
For a brief moment, it looked as though the Steelers had become the second team today to pull off a miraculous late-game hook-and-ladder play to snatch a last-second victory. With 15 seconds left in regulation, Ben Roethlisberger, who was on his second attempt at a Willis Reed impression, got the pl...
Dolphins Topple Patriots On Miraculous, Nice Walkoff Lateral Play
Holy crap. The Miami Dolphins pulled off a successful desperation lateral play as time expired in today’s game to snatch victory from the Patriots, 34-33....
Boca Juniors Take Copa Libertadores Lead Via This Absolutely Gorgeous Nahitan Nández <em></em>Pass
The second leg of the infamously delayed Copa Libertadores final is happening today in Madrid; the soccer knowers will have more and better things to say about it than I could. I just want to call attention to this stunning 45th-minute pass from Boca Juniors’ Nahitan Nández, ahead to a streaking Dar...
I Can't Stop Watching These Crazy Pat Mahomes Passes<em></em>
Believe it or not, Patrick Mahomes is still incredible at his job. Facing second-and-one and with an all-but-free down to play with, the Chiefs, and Mahomes, chose to be aggressive and get fun. As Mahomes was scrambling away from Ravens defenders in the pocket, he looked right while whipping the bal...
Some Basketball Stuff The Chicago Bulls Did While The Boston Celtics Were Beating The Stuffing Out Of Them
So, ah, it didn’t go real great for the Bulls last night, as they played their second game in as many days, at home against the hot and better-rested Boston Celtics. It took the Bulls more than six minutes to score their first point, a free-throw; they were down 18 before they made an actual field g...
Luka Dončić Went Nuts For Two Minutes And Crushed The Rockets<em></em><em></em>
With a little over four minutes remaining in last night’s Rockets-Mavericks game, Chris Paul drove hard at rookie Luka Dončić, then used a step-back dribble (and a, uh, conspicuously extended left elbow) to separate for a short jumper in the middle of the lane. The basket gave the Rockets an eight-p...
Northern Michigan Ices Game Against Rivals With First Goalie Goal In Program History
With less than two minutes left in regulation, the Michigan Tech Huskies pulled their goalie as they attempted to chip away at what was then a 4-2 deficit against their rivals: the Northern Michigan Wildcats. This move gave NMU goaltender Atte Tolvanen the window he needed to make history. Less than...
Josh Sargent Makes Strong Case For Wonderteenhood By Scoring On His Bundesliga Debut<em></em>
Redheaded American forward Josh Sargent—probably the first- or second-most likely American teenager to inherit the mantle of “Wonderteen” from Christian Pulisic—has been behind in the pecking order for striker-rich Bundesliga squad Werder Bremen for most of the season. However, this afternoon, the 1...
Welcome To Football Hell
Football can be perfect and beautiful. It can also suck complete and total ass for everyone involved. Today, we travel to Mankato, Minn. for the latter experience....