ty Page 409 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Overconfident Goalkeeper Pays For His Casualness With Huge Boner
Ross County’s Scott Fox must’ve thought Rangers forward Alfredo Morelos had slid off the edge of the flat Earth after the keeper managed to juke away from Morelos’s tackle deep in Fox’s own penalty area. Unfortunately, the Earth is not flat—or at least the edge of it is not located just off the boun...
Manchester City's Owners Buy La Liga Club Girona
The long-awaited deal that adds newly promoted La Liga club Girona to City Football Group’s growing roster of world soccer teams appears to be all but completed. When it’s final, Girona will join MLS’s NYCFC and Manchester City, as well as clubs in Australia, Japan, and Uruguay in CFG’s portfolio....
Alexandr Dolgopolov Match Investigated Over Fixing Suspicions
Most talk of match-fixing in tennis comes cloaked in too many layers of anonymity to feel genuinely juicy. When the Tennis Integrity Unit, the independent body charged with sniffing out corruption in the sport, releases its quarterly report, there’s a section detailing matches that raised suspicions...
Wayne Rooney Met Some Old Friends<em></em>
The photo above shows Everton striker Wayne Rooney antagonizing the nearby Manchester City fans after he’d just scored against the home team during yesterday’s match. The keen-eyed Twitter user @Mirallas noticed that this picture bears a striking resemblance to another post-goal Rooney celebration a...
Soccer Match Interrupts Security Guard's Very Important Phone Call
We’ve all been there, trying to have a phone conversation at a desk in a room when all of a sudden something like a school class breaks out around us and we’re getting yelled at as if we’re the jerks. ...
David Silva's New Hairdo Bums Me Out
Hair loss, like death, is coming for us all. No matter how strong your genes are, life eventually steals your flowing locks and turns them white, or, worse yet, takes them altogether. You can fight it, but nature always wins. Which brings us to Manchester City attacker David Silva....
Why Did Tyler Clippard Answer The Phone During <i>Game Of Thrones</i>?<em></em>
Here are two things of note from Tyler Clippard’s Sunday: He was traded to the Astros for either cash considerations or a player to be named later, and he was watching Game of Thrones when he got the call from White Sox GM Rick Hahn telling him as much. Clippard was 35 minutes into the episode, prob...
The Worst Games Of The 2017-18 NBA Season
Next season’s NBA schedule is out. Here are the worst games, organized chronologically....
Cat Found And Jailed For Crime Of Helping Vile Cardinals
Cardinals Cat, the kitten that invaded a Royals-Cardinals game at Busch Stadium Wednesday night and inspired the Cardinals to victory, has been found. And you know what? They threw the little asshole in jail, where he belongs:...
Idiots Hold Idiot Summit
This week, the public was treated to a rendition of one of Aesop’s lesser-known fables, The Troll, the Moron, and the Stooge. There was no real moral, just a reminder that a sizable portion of the internet consists of opportunists tugging on their own nuts and screeching when they feel they haven’t ...
The Braves' New Ballpark Is An Urban Planner's Nightmare
In 1965, voters from the five counties that still make up metro Atlanta—Cobb, Fulton, Gwinnett, Clayton and DeKalb—went to the ballot box to decide the future of the region’s public transportation system. The counties that voted “yes” would begin planning a regional rail system that would eventually...
Kitty On The Field Fights Cardinals Employee, Inspires Yadier Molina Grand Slam
A cat ran onto the field in the bottom of the sixth inning in St. Louis tonight. It was adorable, and kind of sad. Poor kitty! Then it bit a Cardinals employee trying to take it off the field, and it was pretty funny. The announcers made fun of him. Poor guy! After the employee finally wrangled the ...
Tyron Smith's "Bulging Dick" Issues Have Apparently Returned
Anytime an athlete gets diagnosed with a bulging disc, it’s only a matter of time until some unfortunate broadcaster slips up and briefly misdiagnoses them with a much more concerning issue. Today, Jane Slater joined the hallowed ranks of sportscasters who have done so....
Diamondbacks Run To Mommy To Further Attempt To Gouge Arizona Taxpayers
The Diamondbacks are bringing Major League Baseball into their ongoing attempt to fleece taxpayers out of more money to get a new ballpark. An attorney for the D-backs is claiming that MLB has claimed that if they don’t get a new ballpark or major upgrades to their current park, the league “might” f...
Security Guard Fights With Fan At Oakland A's Game
The Oakland Athletics are investigating an “incident” with a security guard during last night’s game against the Giants, video of which appears to show the guard striking a fan....
Many People Are Saying Lorenzo Cain's Elegant 302-Foot Dinger Is The Greatest
One thing Lorenzo Cain understands that big mashing goons like Aaron Judge and Bryce Harper still haven’t mastered with all their grotesque and gratuitous moonshots is the precision and understated majesty of the, umm, short ball:...
UFC 214 Is The Best Fight Card Of The Year
At this point, 24 years after it held its very first event, the UFC is no longer a rough-and-tumble spectacle with fighters who scrap in the hospital after their official bout and champions who shit on featured sponsors in the octagon. After being sold for $4 billion last year, the promotion has con...
The Royals Are Suddenly Unstoppable
Eric Hosmer was an invincible monster on Wednesday night. In a 16-2 drubbing of the failing Detroit Tigers, Hosmer provided five runs, five hits, and six RBI, most of which came from a demoralizing seventh-inning grand slam that stretched the lead out to 13-1. He even stole a base for only the fifth...
Kansas City "Trades" New American Dom Dwyer To Orlando
A fairly blockbuster MLS “trade” happened Tuesday afternoon, as Kansas City sent longtime striker Dom Dwyer over to relative league newcomers Orlando, who had been trying to acquire Dwyer for years....