ty Page 589 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Alex Ferguson Retires After 26 Years As Manchester United Manager
After 26 seasons at the helm of Manchester United, Alex Ferguson announced his retirement this morning. He leaves as the most successful manager in English football history, and maybe in all of sports....
The Memphis Grizzlies Beat The OKC Thunder To Tie Series 1-1
Short the injured Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant was able to lead the Oklahoma City Thunder to a game one victory against the Memphis Grizzlies in the Western Conference semifinals. Today he did all he could to repeat his feat. He finished with 36 points, 11 rebounds and 9 assists, but it wasn't e...
The Dalai Lama Is A Giant Bandwagoner
Tenzin Gyatso is the 14th Dalai Lama, the latest in a long line of reincarnations of Avalokiteśvara, the bodhisattva embodiment of compassion. He's also an insufferable homer who loves free hats....
Red Wings Fan Vigorously Jiggles Her Boobs At Referees
This happened during a break in the action at last night's Ducks-Red Wings game, and we have no idea why....
Here Are The Salaries Of Every MLS Player
That little guy on the left? That's Joao Plata, a 21-year-old Ecuadorean forward making a splash in his first season after being traded to Real Salt Lake. He had a hell of a game on Saturday, assisting on both RSL goals in a 2-0 win. That ties him for the MLS lead in assists. There's a very good cha...
Joey Barton Suspended For Calling Thiago Silva "An Overweight Ladyboy"
So, what's problem child Joey Barton up to as he nears the end of his season-long exile in France? Coming up with some truly unique insults, that's for sure....
The Vikings Cut Chris Kluwe
Chris Kluwe, for eight years the punter in Minnesota but better known for things like this, has been released....
Dolphins Can't Get Public Funding, So They Won't Fix Up Their Stadium
There will be no renovation for Sun Life Stadium, after the Florida legislature declined to vote on a bill that would have cleared the way for nearly $400 million in taxpayer money. But if a stadium upgrade is so important, couldn't the Dolphins just pay for it themselves? "We have no intention of ...
Baseball Player Uses Teammate's Pee For Drug Test, Fails Drug Test
Pro tip: If you're going to use somebody else's pee to try and weasel your way out of a drug test, don't borrow pee from the guy who has an Adderall prescription....
We're About To Find Out Just How Great Kevin Durant Can Be
If there's one silver lining for basketball fans to extract from Russell Westbrook's season-ending knee injury, it's that we now have the opportunity to see Kevin Durant attempt to become something he's never had to be before: a transcendent superstar trying to singlehandedly pull his team through ...
Here's A Dog Dressed As A Hot Dog, Eating A Hot Dog
Yesterday was the annual "Bark in the Park" day in Atlanta, the only time—other than when the Reds are in town—when ticketholders must show proof they've been vaccinated against Parvo and Bordetella....
Habs Coach Michel Therrien Has A Curious Definition Of "Classless"
Ottawa is in the Canadiens' heads. There's no other way to describe it, after a 6-1 Senators victory that included 236 minutes in penalties, and a third period that saw the Habs actively and repeatedly try to hurt their opponents. Oh, but Paul MacLean called a timeout!...
Watch Kevin Durant's Game-Winning Shot With 11.1 Seconds Left
With 11.1 seconds left, Kevin Durant came up with a long two to put the Oklahoma City Thunder up by one point over the Memphis Grizzlies, because he is Kevin Durant and does those kind of things....
It Is Race Day And I Am The Worst: Recovering Fatass Soundtrack
I screwed up big time. I skipped my final long run before the race and barely ran all week. I am a real bastard sometimes. What follows is the playlist I would have listened to, had I not been so characteristically lazy and good-for-nothing. Here's a Spotify version for you, if you are into sonic re...
This Video Of Hull City Getting Promoted To The Premiership Is Epic
Well, this is heartwarming. On the final day of the npower Championship regular season, second-place Hull City was playing Cardiff City, who had already won the league and promotion to the English Premier League. The way the Championship works is the top two teams are automatically promoted, while t...
Help! The Goddamn Cat Peed On My Loafers
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
Small Child Just Straight Up Freaks The Fuck Out Over Goal
You wish you were still capable of being as happy about anything as this young Caps fan was about Alex Ovechkin's power-play goal to tie the game....
Brittney Griner Signs With A Chinese Team Because It Pays A Lot More
Brittney Griner, the No. 1 pick in the WNBA draft, has signed with Chinese team Zhejiang, for whom she'll play during the WNBA offseason. This happened days ago and Chinese media is all over it, yet there's not been a single major American outlet reporting it. Why? The fact that her Chinese team wil...
