um Page 162 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Guy Truly Has No Idea What He's Talking About
It is a problem for President Donald Trump that it’s often impossible to tell what the hell he’s talking about. This is not one of those signature Trump defects that can readily be spun into a secret strength or as a subtle bit of advanced dealcraft that only experts and initiates can appreciate. H...
All I Want To Do Is Create Havoc As A Terrible Goose
Before last week, I had dabbled in video games the way a vegan dabbles at a barbecue: finding a single cucumber here or a slice of grilled eggplant there that I might enjoy, but always leaving unsatisfied and hungry. I played Mario Kart as a child, and Dance Dance Revolution as a preteen. In high sc...
Columbia University Wipes Out Its Delightfully Chaotic Marching Band For Bullcrap Reasons
Sad, dispiriting news from the world of college marching bands: Columbia University effectively disbanded its wonderfully anarchic and mischievous marching band Wednesday, after years and years spent actively antagonizing the group and suppressing its creativity. The university communicated to the s...
Stop Calling It "Gaslighting"
“Lie” is a great word. It’s a short, to-the-point noun with a universally agreed upon meaning that we all learn before we even enter kindergarten. Call someone a liar, and any English-speaker in the world will require no clarification—they’ll know that someone isn’t telling the truth....
If The NBA's Itching To Investigate Something, It Should Look At The Orlando Magic
The NBA has promised to crack down on tampering and salary cap circumvention, rolling out new rules and talking a big game about ramped-up enforcement. So far the league has done really noble work, punishing the Milwaukee Bucks for noting that their own player, Giannis Antetokounmpo, will be offered...
The Lost Legend And Secret Legacy Of Table Tennis Master Rong Guotuan
This is an excerpt from Eric Nusbaum’s new weekly Substack newsletter Sports Stories, where he’ll be writing about sports, history, and sports history. He hopes you will subscribe here, and share these stories with your friends, families, and table tennis practice partners. The version of this in t...
They're Finally, <i>Finally</i> Making An Action Park Documentary
If the above image fills you with confusion, fear, repulsion, and curiosity: Congratulations, you’re human, and you understand how physics work. If you already know exactly what you’re looking at: Welcome back to Action Park, motherfuckers....
College Football Coaches Love To Get Upset About The Internet
College football coaches, as a general rule, are a weird group of people. The job seems built to attract a specific type of deeply strange person—take the most obsessive and ambitious and aggressive gym teacher possible, then pay him millions of dollars and make him one of the most recognizable and ...
Swiss Army Says It May Scold Mountain Biker For "Mooning" Donald Trump On Instagram
The Swiss Army said it could reprimand world champion mountain biker Nino Schurter for posting a picture of his ass, along with the asses of three others, in front of the White House and tagging Donald Trump....
Joe West Picked One Hell Of A Time To Make His Worst Call Of The Night
It had been a while since Joe West made his way into the spotlight, so the umpire decided that the bottom of the ninth in a one-run game was a good time to give his despised brand of officiating a solid boost. Blue Jays closer Ken Giles had just thrown a 97 mph fastball to Brett Gardner well outside...
Nutty Blackmail Plot Involves "Well-Known" Premier League Player Jumping Out Hotel Window Mid-Booty Call
When one Premier League player, whose name is being protected by the authorities, walked into Natalie Wood’s hotel room last year and began to undress, he must’ve believed he was only in for another night of fun and sex with the woman for whom he’d been cheating on his partner. Instead, before the p...
PR Genius Tony Wyllie Takes His Talents Away From Dan Snyder
Sports radio station WJFK in D.C. reported today that Tony Wyllie has quit as Dan Snyder’s communications director to take a job with the Special Olympics. If any good PR came Snyder’s way during Wyllie’s nine-year run with Washington’s NFL team, it doesn’t come to mind. As for the gaffes on Wyllie’...
Local Columnist Woefully Out Of His Element
One possible explanation for the existence of this Albany (Georgia) Herald column, in which Carlton Fletcher fields all the questions a “female person” might have watching her first baseball game, could be that it was accidentally sucked through a wormhole decades ago and finally reappeared on Sept....
Heartwarming: Paul Finebaum Gets His Ass Handed To Him Over Lazy Cam Newton Take
ESPN made some good TV this morning. ...
The Jets Seem Like They're About Done With Trumaine Johnson
Heading into Monday night’s matchup against the Browns, the Jets had to know that the outcome would be in large part dependent on how well they could contain Odell Beckham Jr. It didn’t go great! Beckham caught six balls for 161 yards and a score in Cleveland’s 23-3 win. After the game, all the ques...
Donald Trump Namedrops “Big Strong Guy” Ryan Klesko During Mariano Rivera Ceremony
Donald Trump’s speech this afternoon was relatively lucid. He stayed on topic, and he even used a series of facts to prove his point, which was that Mariano Rivera was the greatest baseball pitcher of all time. It wasn’t quite diplomacy, but this 15-minute speech about baseball might have been the l...
Let's Move The 49ers, Again
I am not among those of my era who are amazed that the Rolling Stones are still touring energetically at carbon-dateable age, but I know I am in the minority here, and I recognize power when I see it. So when the Stones condemned their recent experience playing the 49ers’ stadium, the implication wa...
Rolling Stones, San Francisco 49ers, City Of Santa Clara All Extremely Mad At Each Other
The Mercury News has published a surprisingly entertaining story about a three-way spat currently raging between the Rolling Stones, the San Francisco 49ers, and the city of Santa Clara. The fight is over various logistical headaches that come with trying to put on a concert at the Niners’ stadium, ...
Donald Trump: We Love Bill Belichick, Don't We, And Also Curing AIDS?
There are two versions of President Donald Trump that appear in public. They both inhabit the same body—the same Youppi-shaped torso pitched forward at the same implausible angles, same ghost-pale eyelids fluttering alarmingly, same resplendent candyfloss Kangol of hair stuck on top of it like a wei...
A Modest Proposal For Improving The U.S. Open Fan Experience
For as long as there have been ticketed events, people have tried to inch their way to better seats, and the people tasked with maintaining order at these events have tried to stop them. It happens at every sporting event, all the time, and the scene usually plays out like this: Person sits down in ...