um Page 180 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Play-By-Play Man Calls The Destruction Of His Own Computer Like A True Pro
Roger Hoover is the play-by-play man for the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, and during yesterday’s game against the Mobile BayBears, a foul ball zipped into the press box and wrecked Hoover’s computer. Hoover, keeping things professional, just sat there and relayed the action to listeners, describing th...
Joshua Blew A Trumpet And Fell The Walls Of Jericho; Tim Tebow Blew A Fly Ball Off The Wall And It Hit Him In The Head
Look, man, I dunno how many more of these Tebow headlines I have left....
The Fight For Peace Has Never Been Easy
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here....
I Am Not Superstitious, But Japan <i>Definitely</i> Lost Because Its Psychic Octopus With A Perfect Record Was Killed, Sold, And Eaten
Belgium’s round-of-16 win over Japan was a shocker, with the Red Devils coming back from an 0-2 second-half hole to win 3-2 on a thrilling counter at the very end of stoppage time. It’s gotta be difficult to swallow for Japan, because that final counter—an absolute thing of beauty—came off a poorly ...
Marvin Bagley Posterized Moe Wagner And The Kings' Season Has Already Peaked<em></em>
In the first quarter of his Summer League debut, former Dookie Marvin Bagley III made a strong case that the Sacramento Kings actually didn’t screw it all up by picking him second in this year’s draft. With one dribble and a mighty leap, Bagley threw down a thunderous dunk in transition, ending Moe ...
Summer League Takeaways: Jaren Jackson Is A God, And Trae Young Is A Bum
The NBA Summer League kicked off Monday night with a battle between the Hawks and the Grizzlies, which Memphis won 103-88. In those four quarters, we learned everything we needed to know about each team’s marquee draft picks. Jaren Jackson Jr., the fourth pick for Memphis out of Michigan State, is o...
Romelu Lukaku Is A Genius
More than any other soccer skill, positional awareness comes with the widest gulf between how important it is to a team’s success and how readily noticeable it is to the casual fan watching at home. This is partly due to the limitations of broadcast camera angles, and partly due to the fact that sma...
Most Thrilling Half Of The World Cup Ends With Belgium Sticking A Dagger In Japan's Heart
After an uneventful first 45 minutes, Belgium and Japan put together the best half of soccer in what has already been an extremely entertaining World Cup. Belgium generated more dangerous chances and generally looked like the better team throughout the first half, but it was a cagey affair and it se...
MMA Fight Somehow Gets Weirder After The Fake Heart Attack
Johnathan Ivey fought Travis Fulton in the main event of this weekend’s Colosseum Combat XLV event in Kokomo, Ind., and while fans didn’t exactly get their money’s worth of action, they at least got to witness an all-time theatre of the absurd moment. After Fulton connected with a body kick in the f...
Goddamn, John Tortorella Is <i>Pissed</i>
I want to begin by noting that it’s pretty funny that this latest, greatest round of beef between the Blue Jackets and Penguins is all over Jack Johnson, of all players, a bottom-pairing defenseman on the wrong side of 30 and coming off his worst season as a pro. That said: Give me the beef!...
Magi Came From The East Upon Seeing Jesus’s Star; Tim Tebow Is An Eastern League All-Star
Binghamton Rumble Ponies outfielder Tim Tebow, a 30-year-old man who has admirably persisted in his dream of playing professional sports for a living, has earned himself a small token of success by being named to the Eastern League All-Star Game. Tebow has only batted .261 all season, but heated up ...
England Score Big Win By Losing To Belgium
In today’s crucial group stage match between England and Belgium, the Brits narrowly managed to come out on top by coming out on bottom of a hard-fought 1-0 loss. With this phenomenal loss, England won entry to the much weaker side of the knockout round bracket, and now have a clear lane to the Worl...
Goal; Owned
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Both England And Belgium Have Every Reason To Lose Tomorrow
England and Belgium will meet tomorrow at Kaliningrad Stadium in a match that will decide which team will win Group G. Both teams have scored eight goals and conceded two in a matched pair of blowout wins against Panama and Tunisia. This means that if they draw tomorrow, they will have identical goa...
An Extremely Stupid Tiebreaker Will Be Used If England Draws With Belgium
England pulled level with group rivals Belgium after their lopsided win against Panama this morning, giving each national side six points going into their final group stage game against each other. Not only do Belgium and England have the same amount of points, though, but they also have exactly eig...
Eden Hazard And Romelu Lukaku Have Belgium Cooking With Gas
Goals have been hard to come by for most teams at the World Cup, but not for Belgium. The Red Devils added another blowout win to their tournament resumé today by plastering Tunisia by a score of 5-2. Once again the Belgian goalfest was led by their two star forwards, Eden Hazard and Romelu Lukaku, ...
Mike Leach Is Extremely Normal
Mike Leach is not mad, but mostly he is not crazy. He’s your average Fox News viewer, mostly, but also famous and rich and the best-paid public employee in the state of Washington....
What Are The Laws Of War, And Why Do They Matter?
There are laws in war....
The Entire NBA Draft Depends On Whether The Kings Screw It Up<em></em>
The NBA Draft is tonight! It feels terrible. ...
Celtics Great Kevin McHale Enjoys Old Feeling Of Being In An Arena Full Of Screaming Bigots
Donald Trump held one of his insane rallies in Duluth, Minn., on Wednesday night, and he was joined by thousands of angry ghouls who got to enjoy an evening getting intoxicated on white grievance. Among those in the crowd was ... Celtics legend Kevin McHale!...