um Page 183 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Celtics Take 3-0 Series Lead After Sixers Choke Repeatedly
It’s not that the Sixers are dumb. They’re not. They are, in fact, quite tough and disciplined. But it is also true that their best players are children, and they are playing a series against one of the very sharpest, most wisely and meticulously coached NBA teams you will ever see. And the conseque...
Trump Forms Sports Council Featuring Bill Belichick, Lou Ferrigno, And Dr. Oz, For Some Reason
Sports genius Donald Trump has done the inevitable, again. This time, the big lad has put his close personal friend Bill Belichick on an official Presidential council. Shockingly, Belichick will not be in charge of any nuclear weaponry or an actual department of significance, which honestly would ha...
World Champion Runner Accused Of Failing Drug Test, Has Elaborate Story About His Pee Sample
Asbel Kiprop, the best miler of the last decade, a three-time 1,500-meter world champion, and an Olympic gold medalist, reportedly tested positive for the blood-boosting drug EPO. Matt Lawton of the Daily Mail broke the story yesterday; several other outlets independently confirmed the report; and K...
Dante Exum Is Now Doing Things
With Ricky Rubio out, Utah’s long, long specimen Dante Exum was stuck with one of the most frustrating defensive assignments in basketball: James Harden and the 1,001 dribbles. The stringy Australian has spent just over half of his NBA career injured, but in those healthy stretches has shown serious...
Report: Donald Trump Spent Quality Time Last Week Talking Football With Bill Belichick
In 1993, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen found time between Full House episodes to record an album called I Am the Cute One. Songs include “I Am a Kid,” “I Love to Scream,” and “No One Tells the President What to Do.” The last of those is a celebration of the truth of its title—the president can do whate...
Who The Hell Is Jetty Eddie?
So far on Let Me Show You My Pogs, we’ve reviewed pogs that were based on licenses: The NFL, Bad Boy Club, and O.J. Simpson. (Though, sure, O.J. didn’t get any royalties.) But pogs were big enough in the mid-1990s that some manufacturers created their own characters. One of those was Jetty Eddie, os...
You Can't Bully These Motherfuckers
When I write that CNN politics writer Chris Cillizza is the rankest assbrain in the Western Hemisphere, I am not being nice to him. When I write that God clowned Chris Cillizza before he was born by making him Chris Cillizza instead of a shit-eating maggot, I am being unkind. When I say that Chris C...
This Truly Is The Greatest Royal Rumble
Titus O’Neil was about to make a big entrance into WWE’s Greatest Royal Rumble event this afternoon. He Shockmastered himself....
A Cool Thing Jayson Tatum Does A Lot
One of the best ways for a basketball scorer to shake free from a committed defense is to catch the ball while on the move, instead of from a stationary position, so that his individual defender and the broader opposing defense don’t have time to get between him and a good look at the basket. ...
Father Of Future American Wonderteen Barron Trump Tries To Threaten His Way To A North American World Cup
The father of noted Arsenal fan and possible future of American soccer Barron Trump, Donald Trump, took a break from caring about a black person tonight and delivered a message about the U.S.’s joint World Cup bid that should be not-at-all off-putting to the voters in the countries it’s meant to add...
What Is WWE Doing In Saudi Arabia?
On Friday, WWE is presenting the Greatest Royal Rumble, a live pay-per-view event emanating from King Abdullah Sports City Stadium in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. Announced under two months ago, the event is being pushed on WWE programming as an upper-tier pay-per-view; it features a loaded card that feels...
High-Kicking Madman Should Maybe Switch From Soccer To Taekwondo
Here we have yet another South American soccer player who apparently can’t differentiate between the kinds of kicks you use to score goals as Messi when playing FIFA and those you use to punt opponents’ heads off their bodies as Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat:...
Annoyingly Coy Report: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Called Donald Trump's Presidency "Disastrous"
Buried near the end of this New York Times article about the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles talking to the White House about planning a visit is a tidbit about team owner Jeffrey Lurie “using a vulgarity” to call Donald Trump’s presidency “disastrous.” That quote seems like it’d be more imp...
Report: Sports Anchor Booted From Warriors-Spurs Series After He Stole Steph Curry's Bodyguard's Jacket
Bay Area ABC7 sports anchor Mike Shumann was sent home from San Antonio and kept off the air for Sunday’s Warriors-Spurs game after he was caught stealing the jacket of the Golden State Warriors’ director of team security, according to The Athletic....
Derek Jeter Lashes Out At Questions About Marlins' Tanking; Declares Bryant Gumbel "Mentally Weak"<em></em><em></em>
Here is a section of a transcript of an interview Derek Jeter did with Bryant Gumbel, set to air on HBO Real Sports on Tuesday, courtesy of the Miami Herald....
Umpire Jerry Meals Is Small, Most Baseball Men Are Large: Physical Comedy Ensues
Umpire Jerry Meals is five feet eight inches tall. This is a perfectly respectable height, and one that has not kept him from achieving what we can presume was his lifelong dream of being a Major League umpire. Jerry Meals has made it. ...
<i>White Men Can't Jump</i> Is A Lot Of Fun Masking What Appears To Be A Pretty Debilitating Gambling Addiction
If there’s a moral to be gleaned from White Men Can’t Jump, it’s that that if someone carrying many hundreds of dollars in cash—without a wallet in sight—challenges you to an expensive bet, it’s probably because they know something you don’t. I realize people relied on paper money more back in the ’...
Capitals Somehow Manage Not To Lose An Overtime Playoff Game
It had been two games of the same script so far in the Capitals-Blue Jackets series—Washington loses on a gut punch in overtime—but tonight, the Caps themselves actually caught a bit of luck, as they survived double overtime to beat Columbus on the road in Game 3, 3-2....
Who Does This Alleged Trump Goon Remind You Of?
Lawyers for Stormy Daniels released a sketched drawing of a man that Daniels says threatened her in a parking lot in 2011 after her alleged affair with Donald Trump. The goon is described as being a handsome fellow between 5-foot-9 and 6-foot, with a “lean but fit” profile....
Let Me Show You My Pogs: O.J. Simpson
When I was in second or third grade, my teacher made our class write a “research paper,” essentially a long book report. I was a big dork and big into football history—at one point I was going to try to focus on the 1948 Philadelphia Eagles—and eventually did my report on O.J. Simpson. ...