um Page 319 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Royals Are Hiring A Window Washer: "Must Not Be Afraid Of Heights"
Via Baseball Prospectus's Ben Lindbergh, this excellent job posting for which we are already updating our resumés. The Royals are seeking a new window cleaner, and the job consists of all the excitement a window cleaner could hope for....

Why Did Lance Armstrong Tweet Out The Cell Phone Number Of Some Random Canadian Dude?
We've all seen it by now: Lance Armstrong's odd tweet, containing what looks to be his cell phone number. We figured it was the same old, same old—a direct message, mistakenly broadcast to the world. Annoying, in that he'd probably need to change his number, but funny for the rest of us....

What If Baseball's Foul Lines Ran On Forever?
In W.P. Kinsella's novel, The Iowa Baseball Confederacy, the narrator's father muses upon a loophole in the rulebook. There's nothing that specifically states the foul lines end at the fence....
![The Doctor Who Performed Stephen Strasburg's Tommy John Surgery Wasn't Asked About The Nats' Shutdown Plans [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17yzz8qox0gfjjpg.jpg)
The Doctor Who Performed Stephen Strasburg's Tommy John Surgery Wasn't Asked About The Nats' Shutdown Plans [UPDATE]
The Nationals shut down Stephen Strasburg for the season on Saturday, and in doing so they, by their own account, deferred to lots of nameless medical experts—"the doctors"—who are definitely not just Scott Boras and his junior partners in lab coats. Nope, no sir....

Bob Costas Actually Has Something Critical To Say About NBC's Olympic Coverage
Well, finally. Someone at NBC has admitted that its coverage of the Olympics wasn't absolutely perfect....

T.J. Simers Trolled The Dodgers, And Matt Treanor Wanted To Fight Him
At the heart of it, a good percentage of sports columns are only about trolling. "What's wrong with Wes Welker?" "Jay Cutler just can't win." These things are written to play the contrarian, and to get a rise, and they tend to work because fans either enjoy being goaded, or can't let the effort pass...

Sean Connery Approves This Message
Sean Connery is watching the Novak Djokovic-Andy Murray U.S. Open men's final at Arthur Ashe Stadium this afternoon. Connery has been out in New York all weekend rooting hard for Murray, a fellow Scotsman. And after Murray won a point in that delirious first set of today's match? You're the man now,...

Art Modell's Family Requests No Moment Of Silence At Cleveland Browns Stadium This Sunday
On Monday, Browns reporter Tony Grossi told us that the NFL had asked every team in the league to have a moment of silence for Art Modell, one of the main antagonists in the long drama of Cleveland's histrionic sports decrepitude. It probably would have been an awkward moment of silence in Cleveland...

Will Brett Favre Have To Discuss His Penis Under Oath?
Brett Favre's (alleged!) penis is back in the news and now it's because he doesn't want it shown off. We told you last week about the two former Jets masseuses who, as part of their ongoing lawsuit against Favre alleging sexual harassment and retaliation, tried to get him to admit that photographs p...

Texans Fans Brawl In Rafters Of Reliant Stadium
This is a pretty solid fight video as far as fight videos go. It's even filmed properly so mad genius video guy Burke won't have a seizure watching it. A Local Houston news outlet did some sniffing around and found the YouTube uploader and he claims it all started when someone threw a beer on some...

A Fan Died After Falling From An Escalator During The Texans Game
Houston Police have confirmed that a middle-aged fan, who was possibly intoxicated, died when he fell from a Reliant Stadium escalator Thursday night and was fatally injured. ...

This Was The Long Line For Tickets To See A High School Football Game At That $60 Million Stadium In Texas
Anyone wondering why Allen High School in the Dallas suburbs built a $60 million football stadium can find an answer in the photo to the right. Allen is playing host to defending state champ Southlake Carroll on Friday night in the stadium's first game, and this was the wait yesterday morning if you...

Adam LaRoche Hit A Ball About As Far As Possible Without Hitting A Home Run
Bad break for the Nationals on this one. Adam LaRoche took Cliff Lee deep over the wall at Citizens Bank Park. Unfortunately, it hit flush with a small fence on top of the wall, bounced straight up and back onto the field. Jayson Werth thought it was a home run. Adam LaRoche thought it was a home ru...

Skunk Terrorizes Football Game
If you are blind and listening to this, you might think it's that scene from a disaster movie where the woman hangs perilously by a finger, hundreds of feet above a crowded city street. But really, it's just a skunk running through a high school football game in Mississippi and setting up shop und...

Some Unfortunate Couple Got An Islanders-Themed Box To Hold Their Wedding Gifts
What you see above is the gift box for all of the envelopes Sarah and Mike received at their recent wedding reception in Island Park, N.Y. The photo was sent to us by commenter Bring Back Anthony Mason, who wrote:...

First, Kill All The Cyclists. <em>Premium Rush</em>, Reviewed.
1. It's difficult to overstate how much I dislike bicycle riders in New York City. (Collectively. I'm sure you, individual who rides his/her bike, are perfectly pleasant and normal ... when you're not on your bike.) Bike riders have taken over this city, and they are, almost entirely across the boar...

Chelsea Beats Reading Thanks To Ludicrous Blown Offside Call
Chelsea dashed the dreams of an upset-minded Reading when a clearly offside Fernando Torres broke through to give the Blues a lead today at Stamford Bridge they wouldn't relinquish....

Area Couple Offended By "Loud, Sexualized, Pagan" Olympics
There is nothing in the world like the letters to the editor section of a small newspaper. Remember the Ohio man who wanted the "bisexual" buckeye removed as the state tree? By definition, the people who write these things have too much time on their hands and a capacity for outrage that only kicks ...
