um Page 387 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Schumacher Has To Get To The Airport STAT
What do you do if you're Michael Schumacher and you have to get your wife, kids and new puppy to the airport by taxi, and you're late? You push the cabbie aside and do the driving yourself, of course. Hey, it's Germany; Formula One veterans are driving all the cabs....
SHOTY Elite Eight: Elijah Dukes Vs. Gilbert Arenas
At last, we have completed the endless first round of the 2007 Sportshuman Of The Year tournament. It only took a month. Now we're down the nitty-gritty: The Elite Eight....
Who's Sorry Now? Goofed Up National Anthem Edition
If you've never had your penis regaled in song, well, you don't know just how inspiring that can be. British singer Tony Henry was belting out the Croatian National Anthem before the recent European Championship 2008 soccer match with England, but botched the lyrics, with hilarious results....
A-Rod Is Not A Pleasant Landlord
When people defend Alex Rodriguez — because, you know, in a few circles, he's somewhat unpopular — they often point to the amount of charity work he does. But there might be less to that charity business that meets the proverbial eye. And he's not much of a landlord....
SHOTY First Round: Isiah Thomas Vs. Marques Slocum
We come, AT LAST, to the end of the first round of SHOTY voting. Yes, it's taken a while; just be glad we have 16 competitors, rather than 64. We would have had to start in June....
About Last Night
What you missed while playing Zap-A-Bug ... • NHL: In a game narrated by Morgan Freeman, Crosby's first trip to Edmonton results in 4-2 win by Pittsburgh. • NBA: Always Be Closing! Iverson scores 51, but is only 1-for-4 in the fourth quarter as Lakers beat Nuggets 110-107. • MLB: This just in: A .22...
They've Nailed Down This Cheering Thing In China
The ongoing saga of the Chinese government attempting to train their fans and citizens to act like normal people for next year's Olympics continue to amuse. The newest endeavor: Cheering instructional exercises....
SHOTY First Round: Ron Mexico Vs. Mark Mangino
Pretty much every first-round SHOTY matchup has been a blowout. And we doubt this No. 1 vs. No. 16 matchup will be much different....
It Would Take Your Mother One... No, Two... Hours To Watch Bowling
• 12:30 p.m. — Movie: Napoleon Dynamite [Comedy Central] • 1:00 p.m. — Bowling: PBA Great Lakes Classic [ESPN] • 1:00 p.m. — Movie: White Men Can't Jump [A&E] • 2:00 p.m. — Skiing: FIS World Cup, tape delay [NBC] • 2:30 p.m. — Golf: V Foundation Celebrity Classic [ESPN2] • 3:00 p.m. — Golf: Father/S...
SHOTY First Round: Pac Man Jones Vs. Norby!
Every single SHOTY first-round matchup has been a blowout. We are not sure this will be any different; the Deadspin Planet is of one mind these days....
The Grand Valley State Mascot Really Loves His Job
OK, I’ve checked the rulebook, and nowhere in there does it say that you can’t hump the goalpost after your team has achieved an important first down. This round goes to you, Grand Valley State mascot. But someday your reign of Div. II goal post-sexual assault will end. Mark my words. ...
SHOTY First Round: Sean Salisbury Vs. Rick Ankiel
After almost a week off, the 2007 SHOTY Tournament returns with a matchup of two very different human beings....
Even Jets Fans Are Asking Her Not To Take It Off
Of all the European soccer promotions ever seen, this is by far the most interesting. By which I mean, you may have my eyes now. I have a donor card, so please make sure they go to a worthy recipient, like an NBA ref....
SHOTY First Round: Gilbert Arenas Vs. Steely McBeam
It's SHOTY frenzy this week; two in two days. You now can spend your Thanksgiving playing around with online polls. Fun!...
SHOTY First Round: Kige Ramsey Vs. Joey Chestnut
Because Thursday is, you know, Thanksgiving, we're gonna have voting both today and tomorrow. It'll put you in the mood for tryptophan....
Michigan Bids Adieu To Lloyd Carr
It's official: Several Michigan players went to visit Lloyd Carr in his cage on Sunday and it turns out that the only reason he had been standing up at all is that he had been nailed there. Yes, Carr is an ex-parrot. (And Brian Cook had it first, by the way, despite what "ESPN has learned.") Say wha...
SHOTY First Round: Brady Quinn Vs. Alex Rodriguez
The first matchup, on Tuesday, was a blowout. We suspect this one will be a little closer....
Break Up The Blue Jackets!
It's the NHL Closer. We pass the mic to the kids at Orland Kurtenblog. Their NHL Closer is written by Canadians for Americans....
SHOTY First Round: Elijah Dukes Vs. Jeff Reed
OK, folks ... it's time for the voting to begin. Let's all give big-up to the genius that is Jim Cooke for his official SHOTY graphic. The 2007 SHOTY voting will run every Tuesday and Thursday until, well, 2008 probably. We love Kige there....