um Page 387 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Temple's Inspired Obfuscation Falls Just Short
Considering the breathtaking amount of success Temple University sports have had over the last few years, it's no surprise that they were put on probation by the NCAA yesterday. We're so glad Temple's dominance was finally explained....
About Last Night
What you missed while sitting on the sofa, eating chocolate pie ... • NHL: Oleg Saprykin cannot be contained this time of year. Senators 5, Sabres 2. • NBA: The Bulls, down 3-0 to the Pistons, can't even get all their players to show up on time. Wow. • MLB: OK, good win by Wakefield and the Red Sox....
Children Are Here Merely For Our Amusement
Tired of the sluggish, plodding nature of regular sumo wrestling? Worry not! Now you can combine all the fun of regular sumo wrestling with the nimble, lithe movements of newborn babies!...
Bill Hall Is Smarter Than The Average Centerfielder
Back when we lived in St. Louis, we made the mistake of parking our car before a Rams game in the rooftop garage for the Gateway Arch, which is technically federal property. This was not necessarily a problem until we popped open a beer for a tiny, sad little tailgate. Within a matter of seconds, th...
Remembering what Jackie Robinson meant, and who he was
As we prepare for Jackie Robinson Day in baseball on Sunday — the Cardinals, among other teams, are considering having every player wear No. 42, which gives us the unique opportunity of seeing David Eckstein and Brad Thompson pay tribute to Jackie — we thought we would provide our own tribute to a g...
Cultural Oddsmaker: What will the Beijing Olympic Committee Suggest Banning Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
I Like Oscar de la Hoya's Chances, If He Doesn't Explode Before May 5th
I'm not an expert on boxing training techniques, so I don't know if this is a common practice or not ... it's hard for me to imagine, though, Mike Tyson training for a fight by getting a full body nude "greasedown massage" from a fellow named Freddy Roach, and then engaging in non-ejaculatory sex....
Cultural Oddsmaker: Who's the Next Minor League Mascot to Get All Dirty?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Joel Zumaya Is Just Like The Undertaker
Sometimes we forget that the men we watch and obsess over on the baseball diamond are mostly children themselves, not just in age, but in a state of perpetual arrested development. They are gleeful imps, lucky to be allowed to frolic for a living....
Cultural Oddsmaker: What'll Be The Next Disgusting Act During A Sporting Event?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Do Not Judge Trump Until You've Walked A Mile In His Hair
Donald Trump's hair is back in the news, this time putting its very existence on the line in some sort of bet with not-crazy-in-the-least WWE frontman Vince McMahon. It's actually a pretty boring proposition; if McMahon's chosen wrestler wins the match, The Donald must shave his head. If Trump's goo...
My Mother The Ump
Keith Hernandez has been curiously silent about Ria Cortesio, who on Thursday will become the first female umpire to work a Major League baseball game since 1989. Likewise, Cornbread Maxwell could not be reached for comment, as Cortesio, 30, will work the bases for an exhibition game between the Dia...
The Minooka School System Throws Down The Beat
Note to grade school physical education teachers: If you're putting together a mix CD of upbeat songs for your annual fifth grade jump rope fundraiser, make sure that "I'm in Love With a Stripper," by Gangsta Grillz isn't one of them....
The Anticlimactic Retirement of Jake Plummer
I didn't believe Jake Plummer when he said he was considering retiring. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I was looking forward to many more years of exciting, high-level Jake-the-Snake football... but I sort of doubt that....
The Money's Out There, You Pick It Up, It's Yours
Let's get caught up again with the orgy of NFL free agent activity. If you're an NFL player, and your agent couldn't work it out so you were a free agent this off-season, you should probably fire him....
Jake Plummer Will Spread Peace Everywhere But Tampa Bay
You've probably heard by now that Jake Plummer threatened to retire from the NFL just as the Broncos were attempting to trade him to Tampa Bay. Jake is serious with the retirement talk, according to those close to him, and he just might spend that retirement making the world a better place. Via Mich...
Cultural Oddsmaker: Who'll Be The Least Popular During ESPN The Weekend?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him and let him know what you think....
Well, That Was A Bit Of A Letdown
Whether she was channeling Bruce Pearl or Minnie Pearl, Pat Summitt's antics before the Tennessee men's game on Tuesday was the least offensive aspect of the evening, as it turns out. When one considers that Dick Vitale was there, and that Peyton Manning was in the crowd singing, viewers should cons...
Ready For Some Good, Old-Fashioned College Basketball Nightmare Fuel?
Note to Bruce Pearl: There's such a thing as overselling an event, as may be the case tonight when Tennessee women's basketball coach Pat Summitt is supposed to appear at the men's game against No. 5 Florida and "do something special." Pearl (personal motto: Dignity, Always Dignity), the Tennessee m...