united Page 144 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The First Round Of MLS Playoffs Was Beautiful Chaos
Every single game of MLS’s opening weekend of playoffs was a glorious mess. There were six matchups in the first round, and five of the six ended in one-goal wins; the one exception finished 5–1, but only after one team scored four goals in an extra time that the other team had forced with a stoppag...
Old Man Wayne Rooney's MLS Tenure Ended With A Spectacular Postseason Meltdown
It was no surprise that Old Man Wayne Rooney was involved in his team’s last-gasp equalizer, as saving DC United has been a bit of a theme for him throughout his MLS career. Deep into injury time, the ex-Manchester United star whipped a cross from a corner to teammate Frédéric Brillant, who flicked ...
Iron-Skulled Lad Scores Header From Beyond Halfway Line
I don’t care that this goal was only possible due to a goalkeeping boner. I don’t care that it was scored in England’s seventh division, where the pitches are much smaller than in the top leagues. I don’t even care that there’s zero chance the scorer meant to do what he did. Regardless of all that, ...
Germany Rose And Fell With Bastian Schweinsteiger
Bastian Schweinsteiger was three different players. The German superstar, who announced his retirement from soccer on Tuesday, is leaving behind one of the most peculiar careers in recent soccer memory. From a wide player breaking into Germany’s 2006 World Cup side, to one of the best and most idios...
Witness The Invention Of The Tandem Bicycle-Kick Goal
Fans who showed up to Thailand’s pleasantly named 80th Birthday Stadium for Wednesday’s match between Nakhon Ratchasima and Buriram United were in for a treat when two Nakhon players executed a move no one watching had likely ever seen before: the tandem bicycle-kick goal....
Manchester United Are The New Old Liverpool
It’s been so bad for so long that it’s time to stop worrying about when or whether it would happen and just admit that it already has: Manchester United have Liverpool’d themselves....
George Best And The Soccer Battle Of The Sexes That Changed ... Well, Nothing
Fifty years ago, on a drizzly Sunday afternoon in Manchester, Eva Haraldsted played soccer against George Best. Haraldsted was 21 years old. She wore a turquoise mini-dress, white soccer boots, and a high ponytail, and was captain of a women’s team called Blinkers United. Best, the shaggy-haired Man...
Crystal Palace's Patrick van Aanholt Scores Late Winner To Bring Down Toothless Manchester United
It appears that no matter how hard they try, Manchester United are unable to shake the fact that mediocrity is now a staple characteristic of the once-dominant (if that even means anything anymore) club. Case in point is the fact that the focus of this summer’s transfer window was to bolster the def...
By Banning Protest Signs, MLS Is Trying To Lobotomize The Fandom It Asked For
MLS and its clubs are currently embroiled in a fight against their own supporters over what the league claims are violations of its anti-politics rules. Over the last two weeks, multiple fans in multiple stadiums have been ejected for banners that run afoul of the league’s Fan Code of Conduct. There...
Banger King Rúben Neves Scores The First Great Goal Of The Premier League Season
One of the best ongoing statistical oddities in English soccer is that Wolverhampton Wanderers youngster Rúben Neves has never scored for the club from inside the penalty box in open play. Heading into Monday’s game against Manchester United, the 22-year-old Portuguese midfielder had 12 goals for Wo...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Is Sick Of These Damn Refs And All This Damn Traveling
Old Man Wayne Rooney’s MLS stint is just about done. At the conclusion of this season he’ll leave DC United to become a player-manager for Derby County back in England. Perhaps this is a good time for him to make an exit from American soccer, because he seems pretty fed up with the whole enterprise ...
Bury Are The Latest English Club To Flirt With Financial Disaster
The last thing any English soccer club wants right now is to be mentioned in the same breath as Bolton Wanderers, but Manchester-area League One side Bury are on a similar road to ruin. On August 8, the third-division club was given a two-week deadline to get its finances in order or risk getting k...
Josef Martínez Adds Two More MLS Scoring Records To His Growing Collection
Atlanta United forward Josef Martínez can’t stop breaking records. Last season, the 26-year-old Venezuelan shattered the MLS single-season scoring record with 31 goals, four more than the previous record of 27. On Sunday, he added two more records to his collection with this towering header against ...
Report: Manchester United Manager Reamed Out Romelu Lukaku For Exposing That Luke Shaw Is Slow
Romelu Lukaku has officially moved from Manchester United to Inter, which means it’s time for those deliciously juicy stories about how the relationship soured to start popping up. The Times has one particularly funny nugget, about how manager Ole Gunnar Solskjær subjected the Belgian to a “‘brutal’...
The Premier League Transfer Deadline Day Is Going To Be Nuts
The Premier League transfer window officially closes in less than 24 hours, and the usual whirlwind of transfer rumors has turned into a tree-uprooting, house-demolishing super tornado. New, credible reports of big-name players going into and out of the Premier League are flying around and changing ...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Will Leave MLS To Be A Player-Coach At Derby County
It looks like Wayne Rooney’s vacation in the United States will only last 18 months. Derby County manager Phillip Cocu confirmed, per the Guardian, on Tuesday that the 33-year-old Englishman will be moving back across the Atlantic in January to join Derby as a player-coach....
Harry Maguire Is The Best Manchester United Can Do
The fee itself, as gargantuan as it is, isn’t really an issue. Manchester United are one of the few clubs in the sport for which money truly is no object, and so their decision to break the defender transfer record is no cause for alarm. If there is an issue with the Red Devils paying Leicester City...
Alejandro Bedoya Scores Goal, Calls For Congress To "End Gun Violence"
During the goal celebration after he scored in today’s D.C. United-Philadelphia Union match, Union midfielder Alejandro Bedoya picked up a pitch-side microphone and said into it,“Hey Congress, do something, now! End gun violence!”:...
Here's The UK's Next Prime Minister Boris Johnson Doing Sports
Boris Johnson, a disheveled, dishonest, discombobulated clod, will be the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He will do a bad job. He might be more capable as a sportsman, though that isn’t much consolation or compliment....
Josef Martínez's Hideous Penalty Kick Run-Up Ends In Humiliation
The reward for Josef Martínez’s frankly insane penalty kick routine is an unreadable technique that makes it easy to best keepers from the spot, as evidenced by the Atlanta United forward’s 14-for-16 penalty record in MLS. The risk is that it makes him look like a huge weirdo and sets him up for rid...