up Page 731 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

What Real Salt Lake's Draw Last Night Says About American Soccer
Real Salt Lake squeaked out a crucial draw last night on a Monterrey pitch lined with football hash marks. (Don't forget that the Borregos Salvages or "Wild Rams" play here, too.) Argentine Javier Morales evened the score at 2-2 for the American side with an 89th-minute goal, giving RSL a fair cha...

Phil Jackson's Zenergy Lulled At Least One Person To Sleep In L.A. Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 21, the day after McDonald's "National Hiring Day" in Cleveland got real. Real violent. Like, spitting in faces and hitting people with cars violent....

British Soccer Announcer Makes Most British Goal Call Ever
Dejan Stankovic scored a beautiful goal for Inter Milan in their 1-0 win over Roma in the Coppa Italia semifinal yesterday, and the great Ray Hudson was there for Gol TV's call. Magisterial, indeed....

Star Of <i>Fred Claus</i> Points And Laughs At Four-Time NHL All-Star
Your morning roundup for April 20, the day we started buying all of our heroin on Craigslist....

Qatari Government Begins Arresting World Cup Reporters 11 Years Before World Cup In Qatar
These Qataris don't wait around. The World Cup is set to kick off in Arabia during the summer of 2022, when temperatures will exceed the boiling point of steel and most life forms will already be extinct. So why not start oppressing reporters now?...

He's Not Signaling How Many Outs Remain
Your morning roundup for April 19, the day we pre-ordered our Iggy Pop action figure....

Sean Avery Leaning On His Own Stick Until It Breaks Is Probably A Metaphor For Something
Your morning roundup for April 18, the day a famous surgeon resigned for suggesting that unprotected sex was "a better gift for [Valentine's] day than chocolates."...

Floyd Mayweather Accompanied 50 Cent To Fight Night At Foxwoods And All He Got Was Booed
Your morning roundup for April 17, the day burglars everywhere accept the fact that trying to rob 81-year-old stroke victim/Korean vet Bobby Smith means they'll get a piping-hot frying pan filled with potatoes across the head....

The Tax Man's Charges Against Lenny Dykstra Actually Involve A Kitchen Sink
Your morning roundup for April 16, the day Ralphie turns 40, making a whole lot of people question their very mortality, their confidence as fra-gee-lay as a leglamp....

The Greatest Facebook Fail Ever
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Here's Video Of A Pro Golfer Needing 16 Shots To Conquer A Par-4 Hole
Your morning roundup for April 15, the day after Walter Breuning died of natural causes. He was 114 years and 205 days old....

The Stupid Barry Bonds Prosecution, In A Stupid Nutshell
As you all know, Barry Bonds was convicted yesterday on a single count of rambling in the first degree. (No, seriously. Seven years of this shit, and that's what they got him on — evading a question he ultimately answered. Aggravated incoherence. A felony charge of Not Being Freaking Pericles in the...

Semin Leads The Capitals To Sweet, Sweaty Extended-Time Victory
Your morning roundup for April 14, the day San Dimas High School football no longer rules in the eyes of the Chinese government....

Dueling Mullets Welcome You To Day One Of The NHL Playoffs
Your morning roundup for April 13, the day Justin Bieber reminded us that the Middle East is still fucked up....

<em>SonicsGate</em> Creator Just Wants An Unmolested Trip To Costco, A Basketball Team In Seattle
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Seattle still wants an NBA team, Mr. Schultz....

Sterger On <em>GMA</em>: Never Met Brett Favre, Never Got Paid, Betrayed By Blogger
Your morning roundup for April 12, the day we remembered how Jeff Buckley's death was a more significant event than that guy from Nirvana's to some folks but this won't help that argument....

Craigslist's Going Rate For A Misspelled Larry Johnson Chiefs Jersey Is $30
"Offered is the pictured Larry Johnson Kansas City Chiefs jersey by Reebok NFL Equipment." I hpoe he tkaes PyaPla. [Craigslist Raleigh, h/t Brant]...

And When It Was All Over, Rory McIlroy Sought Solace In The Arms Of Vince McMahon's Kid
Your morning roundup for April 11, the day we remembered that Sidney Lumet also directed The Wiz....

Watch An Unheralded Japanese Boxer Drop His Foe Three Times In The First Round
Just prior to last night's light-middleweight bout between the "exciting, unbeaten and seemingly unstoppable" James "Mandingo Warrior" Kirkland and Japanese boxer Nobuhiro Ishida, promoter Lou DiBella Tweeted "YOU'RE KIDDING,RIGHT?" when asked who he liked to win. As in, c'mon, Kirkland....

A Bunch Of Guys Who Dyed Their Hair Blondish Won The NCAA Hockey Championship Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 10, the day a Virginia elementary school principal assures you the fourth-grade teacher didn't really put black and mixed-race students up for sale....