us Page 1029 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Gus Johnson "Loves The Internet"
Big ups to Awful Announcing, which, after considerable negotiation, landed an interview with everyone's favorite screaming announcer Gus Johnson. He seems like a friendly enough fellow....

Could This Be, At Long Last, The World's Funniest Name?
Just when this Mitchell Report business had about pummeled us senseless, one brave man marched forward to bring forth laughter once again. And he didn't have to say a word. Sorry, Kosuke Fukudome ... but this guy's name has got you beat. In fact, this just may be the best name ever. Say it with me, ...

Look, Kids! Football!
Hey, so here's something: There's an NFL game tonight! No, really! Don't worry, though: It's a game between two teams you don't care about, on a network you can't watch. So relax....

Mmmm, It's A Boatload Of Goodness
Who can make the sun rise? Sprinkle it with dew? Fred Smoot can, that's who! How could an energy bar endorsed by the former Vikings sex boat participant — and produced by a company named 3Way Enterprises — not be a major success? Introducing the Smack Energy Bar!...

Michael Schumacher Has To Get To The Airport STAT
What do you do if you're Michael Schumacher and you have to get your wife, kids and new puppy to the airport by taxi, and you're late? You push the cabbie aside and do the driving yourself, of course. Hey, it's Germany; Formula One veterans are driving all the cabs....

A Full Weekend Of Losing
David Hirshey writes regular for Deadspin about soccer....

Tebow Wins Heisman, Loves Jesus
I didn't watch the Heisman Trophy presentation show (what's the point?) but I've been assured that Tim Tebow did in fact win. As a Gator fan of some 20 years I'm quite happy for Superman, but I'm not going to bludgeon you over the head with my homerism the way Tebow does with all of that god talk. O...

Which Sports-Related Person Would Engage In A 2Girls1Cup-Type Video?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday ... well, that next five Fridays, anyway. Yes, after more than a year of goodness, Mr. Daulerio is retiring the Cultural Oddsmaker column at the beginning of 2008. There are now FIVE left. Email him to let him know how much you'll miss him....

It's All About The Dead, Dude
This handsome, vigorous young sprite is Bryan Saltus, a 37-year-old golfer on the Pro Asia Tour. This past weekend, he won his first ever tournament, in China. When he announced whom he was dedicating his victory to, he totally did not waste it, not at all....

Don Imus Just Can't Quit You
If you prefer your radio hosts with faces like a 90-year-old saddle, then it's time to rejoice: Don Imus is back on the air! Was it really only eight months ago that the infamous "nappy-headed hos" comment about the Rutgers women's basketball team sent the nation into a tither? Well, he's back, on W...

Uncovering The 19th Century Version Of 'You Dead, Dawg'
Well, this just makes me miss Deadwood all the more: It seems that raunchy language was such a problem in professional baseball in the late 1800s, that the league actually handed out a document telling players to knock it off. It lists several examples of banned expressions, which are absolutely fil...

Who Will Tony Romo Date Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....

Smush Parker Has Had It Up To Here With Hidden Fees
If Smush Parker wasn't your favorite player in the NBA before this week — and dammit, he should have been! — he certainly is making a plea for your heart now....


NY Baseball Players Love Dem Reggaeton Beats
Still crawling out of that Thanksgiving-induced coma? Need an activity to help burn a few of those 10,000 calories of food and alcohol you just packed on? Then why not turn up Hector El Father's Pa' La Tumba — complete with Jose Reyes, Melky Cabrera and Robinson Cano cameos — and get your hot regga...

A Little Left In The Big Tank
• Some Country For Old Men. I have no idea which Heat scrub cranked up Shaquille O'Neal last night — Chris Quinn maybe? — but whoever it was sure had that sucker wound tight. The Big Everything had season highs of 26 points and 14 rebounds, his best game in what feels like years, as the Heat handed ...

Even Jets Fans Are Asking Her Not To Take It Off
Of all the European soccer promotions ever seen, this is by far the most interesting. By which I mean, you may have my eyes now. I have a donor card, so please make sure they go to a worthy recipient, like an NBA ref....